update from sparkleup

writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/discernment.md

@@ -177,17 +177,17 @@ The Saint Bernard shrugged. It was an informal, almost bashful gesture. "I'm jus
 
 "But...?"
 
-Borenson sighed, set the pencil down. "Your studies are fine. Better than fine, I'm told. Your teachers speak highly of your writing. That's only half of the program, though. You came here for an masters of divinity, though, and the end goal of that program is ministry. Your skills in scripture and apologetics, in books, are admirable, but would make for an incomplete degree. We've talked before about you heading for a masters of theology instead, but you balked at that."
+Borenson sighed, set the pencil down. "Your studies are fine. Better than fine, I'm told. Your teachers speak highly of your writing. That's only half of the program, though. You came here for an masters of divinity, and the end goal of that program is ministry. Your skills in scripture and apologetics, in books, are admirable, but would make for an incomplete priest. We've talked before about you heading for a masters of theology instead, but you balked at that."
 
 The coyote canted his ears back, gritted his teeth, and masked his frustration as best he could. "With all due respect, Father, my concerns about a Th.M stand. Yes, I'm sure I'd be helping the world with research and writing, but I need something more immediate. I need to give direct help, and there's just too much remove if all I'm doing is writing."
 
-There was a pause as Borenson seemed to manage some equal frustration before he spoke. "Mr. Kimana, an education such as this requires both flexibility and devotion. Both a Th.M and MDiv would require that. Now--" He held up his paws as if to forestall a rebuttal. "I am not accusing you of lacking in either department to a level where I feel you are not a good degree candidate, but if the doubts in your head are strong enough that you feel you need to leave, I would only be doing your future vocation a disservice by trying to make you stay."
+There was a pause as Borenson seemed to manage some equal frustration before he spoke. "Mr. Kimana, an education such as this requires both flexibility and devotion. Both a Th.M and MDiv would require that. Now--" He held up his paws as if to forestall a rebuttal. "I am not accusing you of lacking in either department at least not to a level where I feel you are not a good degree candidate, but if the doubts in your head are strong enough that you feel you need to leave, I would only be doing your future vocation a disservice by trying to make you stay."
 
 Dee dropped his gaze once more. He spread his fingers, tracing with his eyes the subtle grain on the pads of his paws, the long-healed callouses. 
 
 This was a constant in Dee's life, this sort of discussion. He would research and research and research, come to a conclusion, and when he'd state what he'd learned, the conversation would go sideways. Both he and his interlocutor would wind up frustrated and stressed with no visible reason why.
 
-But this wasn't a researched thing, was it? It was, what, three? And he'd started this train of thought last night at, what, eleven? Sixteen hours was hardly the amount of time required to come to a conclusion about leaving behind a year of study and however many thousands of dollars of scholarships that had involved.
+But this wasn't a researched thing, was it? It was, what, three? And he'd started this train of thought last night at, what, eleven? Sixteen hours was hardly the amount of time required to come to a conclusion about leaving behind a year and a half of study and however many thousands of dollars of scholarships that had involved.
 
 No, this idea had leaped, fully formed, into his head.
 
@@ -215,17 +215,19 @@ Dee smiled through his shame.
 
 -----
 
-As promised, Dee was not run out of the campus in the dark of night. He was given the remainder of the month to wrap up his affairs and attend to the task of packing his meager belongings in order to move out of his room and bus back to Idaho, to Sawtooth. To home.
+Dee was hardly run out of the campus the moment of his confession. He was given the remainder of the month to wrap up his affairs and attend to the task of packing his meager belongings in order to move out of his room and bus back to Idaho, to Sawtooth. To home.
 
 It was more than enough. His stuff was packed into two file boxes within an hour. After all, all of the furniture in the room belonged to the school. What had he besides clothes and books? Clothes, books, and his rosary.
 
 He carried it with him always, now, his fingers marching through the decades of beads as words tumbled through his mind, spilled from his mouth without a sound. Over the next two weeks, he prayed the Rosary dozens of times. Hundreds of *Hail Marys* and *Our Fathers*.
 
-He knew not what drew him to begin this litany of prayer. He strove to pray the Rosary every day, as a rule, but now, he needed that reassurance of faith. He needed some sign, whether to himself or to those around him he wasn't sure, that this discernment was one of vocations, not of faith.
+He knew not what drew him to begin this litany of prayer. He strove to pray the Rosary every day, as a rule, but now, he needed that reassurance of faith. He needed some sign --- whether to himself or to those around him he wasn't sure --- that this decision was one of vocations, not of faith.
 
 With his possessions packed away, Dee had little to do beyond pray and spend as much time in the library as he could before it would no longer be available to him.
 
-"Technically," Borenson had confided. "You shouldn't have access to anything but the refectory, the chapel, and your room for the remainder of your time on campus, but I don't think anyone will begrudge you access to your beloved books."
+"Technically," Borenson had confided during that fateful meeting. "You shouldn't have access to anything but the refectory, the chapel, and your room for the remainder of your time on campus, but I don't think anyone will begrudge you access to your beloved books."
+
+The library and the woods, the quad, the lakes, the sky.
 
 The Saint Bernard was waiting for him, sitting on the stone and cement bench by the statue of St. Kateri Tekakwitha. The dog had rested his shoulders on his knees and clasped his hands, and was looking down between his feet through the opening this has created. Or, well, not looking. Father Borenson was not looking at anything.  He had the absent expression of thought or prayer.
 
@@ -257,15 +259,15 @@ Dee nodded numbly. This was already wildly outside of his normal interactions wi
 
 Dee frowned. *St. Kateri Tekakwitha,* he prayed silently. *Favored child and Lily of the Mohawks, I come to seek your intercession in my present need. I don't know what to do...*
 
-"It's a little clumsy, but the analogy I always use is to think of these first few years of your degree like dating. You and the Church --- the Church as an institution, not just a faith --- like each other, and want to maybe get closer, but you're going to try things on for size for a bit. See how it works out."
+"It's a little clumsy, but the analogy I always use is to think of these first few semesters of your degree like dating. You and the Church --- the Church as an institution, not just a faith --- like each other, and want to maybe get closer, but you're going to try things on for size for a bit. See how it works out."
 
 Outwardly, the coyote nodded. "That makes sense. It's not a divorce, just a break-up before it gets serious."
 
-Inwardly, Dee was doing his best to let go. Let go of this place. Let go of his study. Let go of the idea of what life would be like that he had built up to over so long a time. *I admire the virtues which adorned your soul: love of God and neighbor, humility, obedience, patience, purity and the spirit of sacrifice. Help me to imitate your example in my state of life.*
+Inwardly, Dee was doing his best to let go. Let go of this place. Let go of his study. Let go of the idea that he had built up over so long a time of what life would be like. *I admire the virtues which adorned your soul: love of God and neighbor, humility, obedience, patience, purity and the spirit of sacrifice. Help me to imitate your example in my state of life.*
 
 "Right," the Saint Bernard nodded. "Just turns out you and the Church get along better as friends than in...well, the metaphor breaks down somewhat here, but you can see how ordination is rather like marriage."
 
-He smiled weakly. "Yeah."
+Dee smiled weakly. "Yeah."
 
 "All this is to say that I think you're doing the right thing, because no one wants a bitter priest. Some folks might think ill of you, but don't worry about them. You've got your path ahead of you still, and God needs saints more than He needs priests."
 
@@ -279,7 +281,7 @@ He worked on mastering the lump of emotion swelling in his chest before replying
 
 Borenson perked up, his tail thumping against the concrete and stone of the bench. "A therapist, hmm?"
 
-"Yeah. I really do want to do direct good, I just...well, perhaps a different kind."
+"Yeah. I really do want to do good in the world, I just...well, perhaps a different kind."
 
 "Of course," the dog laughed. "I can certainly see you excelling at that."