update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/014.md

@@ -5,13 +5,13 @@
 
 AwDae did not pace the streets of London. Did not open the drapes to see if the streets were full of people or desolate and empty. Did not listen for the sounds of the city.
 
-Ey did not step from eir flat. Did not, in fact, leave the spot where ey knelt on the floor for more than an hour. Did not do anything except stroke Priscilla when she came and walked by eir knees.
+Ey did not step from eir flat. Did not, in fact, leave the spot where ey knelt on the floor for more than an hour, for days and days. Did not do anything except stroke Priscilla when she came and walked by eir knees.
 
 "I still have wants and needs," ey murmured to the cat, who only slow-blinked at em. "If I dream, is that not so?"
 
 The words were automatic. Ey opened eir muzzle and they came forth in a steady cadence.
 
-A memory: RJ and Sasha sitting on the edge of the stage during a break in rehearsals. A five minute break. RJ's tablet not showing the usual stage diagram with mic placement and notes, but a white screen. Sasha laughing as RJ began writing, eyes closed. Automatic writing. Drivel and nonsense. Something to giggle over with best friends.
+A memory: RJ and Sasha sitting on the edge of the stage during a break in rehearsals. The play: words of Dickinson. A five minute break. RJ's tablet not showing the usual stage diagram with mic placement and notes, but a white screen. Sasha laughing as RJ began writing, eyes closed. Automatic writing. Drivel and nonsense. Something to giggle over with best friends.
 
 Eyes closed. Ey could feel the soundscape of the room around em change, and knew that ey must now be kneeling on the stage in school.
 
@@ -21,7 +21,9 @@ Eyes closed. Ey could feel the soundscape of the room around em change, and knew
 
 Ah well.
 
-Ey stood once more, rubbing at eir knees and wincing at the pins and needles rushing over eir paws. Could ey will the discomfort away? Perhaps.
+Ey stood once more, rubbing at eir knees and wincing at the pins and needles rushing over eir paws. Could ey will the discomfort away? Perhaps. Could ey even feel discomfort? Could ey dream it?
+
+Perhaps.
 
 Not now.
 
@@ -37,7 +39,7 @@ The water quickly came to a boil. After pouring it into the mug, AwDae hiked emm
 
 The cat purred. AwDae laughed and lifted eir mug. Too hot to drink, but comforting to hold. Ey felt the comfort in memory.
 
-A memory: RJ waking a few days? Weeks? RJ waking some time ago and groggily making a pot of tea. RJ sipping one mug of tea while watching the traffic. RJ sipping a second mug of tea while making rice. RJ starting a third mug of tea before sitting down at eir rig and getting lost in research. RJ digging and digging and digging through cards, through tables, through numbers and words and data. RJ frowning at a mass of voting records. RJ downing a cold mug of tea. 
+A memory: RJ waking a few days? Weeks? RJ waking some time ago, years and years ago, and groggily making a pot of tea. RJ sipping one mug of tea while watching the traffic. RJ sipping a second mug of tea while making rice. RJ starting a third mug of tea before sitting down at eir rig and getting lost in research. RJ digging and digging and digging through cards, through tables, through numbers and words and data. RJ frowning at a mass of voting records. RJ downing a cold mug of tea. 
 
 The tea was cool enough to drink, now, and so AwDae did.
 
@@ -47,7 +49,7 @@ And when ey would step into that room, ey would cease to be a fox, but instead b
 
 And when ey might think about what memories ey had, ey would find there, whole and uncorrupted, all of the information ey had been prowling through on Cicero's disappearance. No riddles to solve, no tricks, no mics, no paper. Ey would be able to expand across that sense that passed for sight in a fully immersive sim the entirety of the data. And ey could.
 
-AwDae dreamt. Dreamt of work. Dreamt the table of Cicero's DDR votes, dreamt that it rotated in beautiful precision along any axis ey wished. Dreamt of the other cards in the deck, of recorded conversations and notes and last-connected times. Ey dreamt eir way through all of the data packed into the deck of vcards Sasha had given em so very long ago.
+AwDae dreamt. Dreamt of work. Dreamt the table of Cicero's DDR votes, dreamt that it rotated in beautiful precision along any axis ey wished. Dreamt of the other cards in the deck, of recorded conversations and notes and last-connected times. Ey dreamt eir way through all of the data packed into the deck of vcards Sasha had given em so very, very long ago.
 
 Ey kept dreaming.
 
@@ -57,7 +59,7 @@ Axiom: when any sufficiently large group of furries convene in one place, they w
 
 Thus: in eir dream of so many furries, the table was there, perfect. The table, the booth, the whole pub. Not the noise, not the people, but ey dreamt, in that fully immersive perception-of-everything way, of the entire pub. Of the entire sim. Dreamt of the precise construction of it down to the parametric equations that defined the curves of the vinyl stool cushions. Dreamt of the area behind the bar, unreachable by patrons but behind which puttered the staff AIs' avs.
 
-It was all there. The entire thing. The entire sim, all the way out to its boundary fence and the subtle magic of the fake street beyond.
+It was all there. The entire thing. The entire sim, all the way out to its boundary fence and the subtle magic of the fake street beyond. All cached in eir exo, in eir memory.
 
 Ey dreamt of eir home sim. The simple bed. The simple dresser. The logic behind the commands that let em select items and clothing to equip to emself. The tport pad.
 
@@ -71,7 +73,9 @@ She was all there. All of her avatar. What ey remembered of their final conversa
 
 But she was not all there.
 
-She was not there at all. Her avatar was a hollow shell that AwDae could make parrot her lines. It was a puppet. It was a sensory representation without context. AwDae was in a hall of mirrors that allowed no one else but emself. She was not there and she could not be there because AwDae was lost, and when one is lost, one is alone in ways more fundamental than could be dreamt of in any solipsist's philosophy.
+She was not there at all. Her avatar was a hollow shell that AwDae could make parrot her lines. It was a puppet. It was a sensory representation without context. A sign without an object, signifier without the signified.
+
+AwDae was in a hall of mirrors that allowed no one else but emself. She was not there and she could not be there because AwDae was lost, and when one is lost, one is alone in ways more fundamental than could be dreamt of in any solipsist's philosophy.
 
 What lives we lead we lead in memory, and the end of memory lies beneath the roots.
 

writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md

@@ -174,7 +174,7 @@ Check when edited
     * [X] Chapter: [Carter 008](Carter/008) --- At work, viewing everyone with suspicion, DDR votes changing
     * [X] Chapter: [Ioan 006-b](Ioan/006-b) --- Story of gathering Odists, perhaps flashback to/story from Dear about clade's formation?
     * [X] Chapter: [Carter 009](Carter/009) --- Carter calls out, Prakash warns, works with Sasha and Debarre, Sasha gets lost, seen by Carter gives hint to mirror rig
-    * [O] Chapter: [RJ 014](RJ/014) --- explores memory instead of will, finds deck in eir exo, then way more, struggling to forget
+    * [X] Chapter: [RJ 014](RJ/014) --- explores memory instead of will, finds deck in eir exo, then way more, struggling to forget
     * [O] Chapter: [Carter 010](Carter/010) --- Messages Caitlin and Johansson, heads to RJ, threatened by mooks
 4. [O] Act III
     * [O] Chapter: [Ioan 007](Ioan/007) --- Mustering the Odists