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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2021-05-26 17:50:05 -07:00
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writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/71.md
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@ -34,7 +34,9 @@ Why must we Catholics wrap our every action up in shame? There must be some root
I'm a *therapist*. I should *not* be thinking this way. It's not just wrong, but it bears the weight of hypocrisy. I'm a *therapist*. I should *not* be thinking this way. It's not just wrong, but it bears the weight of hypocrisy.
Even as a Christian, there is little enough reason for me to think this way. Even as a Christian, there is little enough reason for me to think this way. I have read my Ecclesiastes. I have read my Job. I have buried myself in those words, in Job's speeches and of those of his friends'. I have dug through the arguments on theodicy, I have written my essays, taken my tests on the reasons for bad things happening to good people, how not every terrible experience has its roots in sin. I *know* these things.
At least, I thought I did.
I don't know. I'm spinning my wheels, talking in circles. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here. To name a feeling may be to understand it, but understanding has gotten me nowhere, has purchased me nothing but a deeper ache in my gut, and now I must feed my desires all over again. I don't know. I'm spinning my wheels, talking in circles. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here. To name a feeling may be to understand it, but understanding has gotten me nowhere, has purchased me nothing but a deeper ache in my gut, and now I must feed my desires all over again.