update from sparkleup

diary/2021-12-30.md

@@ -39,3 +39,47 @@ But never have I striven against angels. Never have I striven against you, my an
 There is sweetness in defeat.
 
 I wish I could see your triumph.
+
+## From a piece of clothing
+
+> How long has it been in my life?
+
+I got this hoodie only a few months ago.
+
+> How did it get into my life?
+
+I specifically ordered it from Mishu. I have almost never gotten anything from there that fits in any sort of ideal way. It's all just a little too small or a little to short or meant for someone who's not a fat trans woman.
+
+I totally lucked out with this one, though. It's weird, because the sleeves are way too long on me, they go down past my hands. The zipper is way too short in that it comes down to a bit past my belly button, but that the hoodie still has non-zippered fabric beneath that keeps it from being some sort of weird crop-top-hoodie.
+
+It was just kind of luck of the draw, given the other things I got in that order (two quarter-capes and a black dress) which all *almost* fit but not quite.
+
+> Describe in terms of how it looks/feels/smells/sounds. Imperfections? Tags?
+
+Mishu being what it is, the fashion aspect of the hoodie is that it's made up from irregularly shaped panels of fabric that have been sewn together with some overlock stitch thingy (dunno if that's right), but the seams are on the outside. The zipper and tag show you which way is in, but there are these thick, rope-like stitches that run across the arms, sides, and back that are quite visible, despite being made of the same fabric.
+
+The fabric itself is a sort of fleece, I think, so it's pretty soft. It's reasonably warm, but not as much as a regular fleece would be, with no interfacing or anything.
+
+In terms of sounds, it's got that ideal swish and rustle that draws me to a lot of the clothes I have. I like long skirts and scarves for the same reason: that little rustle. When I walk, given the long and wide sleeves (no cuffs!), it rustles just a tiny amount and I like to picture myself as someone cozy.
+
+It's too big on me, too, which makes me feel smaller than I am, which is important to me for genderful reasons.
+
+I've mentioned some of the imperfections above, but in terms of tags, it has a Mishu tag on the neck. It's really subtle, thankfully, and I don't feel like it's a glaring sort of thing.
+
+> A memory related to this piece of clothing.
+
+Huldra is a fascinating person. She is unabashedly trans, frightfully smart, and wears all of her emotions on her sleeve. Her communication is plain to the point of being blunt.
+
+For the hoodie, she immediately remarked that it was on inside out, and when I showed her out it worked, she laughed, sounding someone perturbed by this. I could tell that, at that point, she decided that she didn't like the hoodie, and it made me want to hide it for a few days after, because I didn't want to upset her.
+
+I got over it, eventually, but it still sticks in my mind that, for someone as straightforward and plain-spoken as her, all of the features that I love about this garment were points against it, until all that was left was its utility and color.
+
+> If this piece of clothing could write a letter of advice...
+
+Maddy, wear me warmly. Wrap yourself up in me. Remember that time that Jeff told you that, in Saskatoon, they called hoodies "bunny hugs"? When you wear me, it is a hug, a gesture of love, a form of affection that I am giving you, one that you can give to yourself.
+
+Maddy, It's okay to be comfortable. It's okay to be warm. It's okay to take small joys where you can: let yourself feel small.
+
+Maddy, it's okay to take those imperfections and own them. All of your own ridges and inside-out seams are something that can bring you joy, even if they don't bring joy to others. Revel in your imperfections. Roll around in them. Wear them on your body and let others think their own thoughts.
+
+