From cfc577ca4328f86c0d44b542f142fa09e5ddcead Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Mon, 20 Jun 2022 00:30:06 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md | 146 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-- 1 file changed, 138 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-) diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md index 1b7bb577..f8adbf73 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md @@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ There was a hint of a whine to her reply. *"I am sorry, Ioan, I did not realize *"Of course. We will return soon."* -It was nearly two hours until the skunks returned as promised. Two hours of tossing and turning in bed, fretting and fretting and fretting. Eventually, both of them wound up joining em, and despite the added rest that this usually brought True Name, none of them slept well. +It was nearly two hours later when the skunks returned as promised. Two hours of tossing and turning in bed, fretting and fretting and fretting. Eventually, they fell into their usual positions, though despite the added rest that this usually brought True Name, none of them slept well. When there was no wink and smile from Jonas, ey let eir shoulders sag and nodded. "Tired, yeah. We're all tired. Just want this shit over with." @@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ Ey waited. "This AEC?" -Zacharias frowned, but Jonas laughed, "Got it in one. That's right at the top of the list. See, that one requires some hardware changes that neither of the LVs are going to be able to manage, and that puts us in a unique position, here. Suddenly, the we differ from the LVs in a fundamental way. I really can't overstate how big of a deal this is, Ioan." +Zacharias frowned, but Jonas was already nodding, "Got it in one. That's right at the top of the list. See, that one requires some hardware changes that neither of the LVs are going to be able to manage, and that puts us in a unique position, here. Suddenly, the we differ from the LVs in a fundamental way. I really can't overstate how big of a deal this is, Ioan." "Suddenly we have to prove our greener grass to those phys-side?" @@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ Jonas laughed. "Oh?" "Yeah. A few reasons." Ey started ticking off points on eir fingers as ey spoke. "First, True Name didn't start down this path in the last few years that we've been learning from Artemis; she was a mess when she first got in touch with us with Codrin#Artemis's first letter around the convergence, so things were already in motion then. Second, The Guiding Council on Pollux is more than a decade old now, predating the arrival of the Artemisians by nearly ten years, and I think that's because third, you--" Ey nodded to Zacharias. "--apparently dropped everything on her across all three systems at the same time not that long after the launch. You two got more openly together on Pollux, and as far as Codrin#Castor can find in the perisystem, you quit shortly after telling her there. End Waking thinks --- and I agree --- you're trying to push each of the Systems in a different direction politically. Maybe you think having different political environments is more stable across societies separated by distance and time. Maybe it's some giant experiment. Who knows. It's your long game." -The longer ey spoke, the more serious Jonas's expression grew, and by the time ey finished, he'd finished his drink and leaned back in his seat. "Well then," he said. "I suppose I don't have much more to add, then, do I? I have my conversation with True Name cut out for me, don't I?" +The longer ey spoke, the more serious Jonas's expression grew, and by the time ey finished, he'd leaned back in his seat. "Well then," he said. "I suppose I don't have much more to add, then, do I? I have my conversation with True Name cut out for me." "And what conversation is that?" @@ -154,14 +154,144 @@ Ioan#Tracker set eir pen down with exaggerated care, closing eir notebook, then Ey didn't wait for the ping of acknowledgement. Even if they weren't ready for em to be out there, ey needed to pass at least something on. Ey needed to be around eir partner and friends. Ey needed to be out of that context, away from pens and paper and books and work. +The afternoon was settling into evening, and the plain was littered with dozens of skunks. As ey walked toward True Name's tent, though, they began to quit in small groups until it was just the three root instances kneeling around a small fire, over which they were roasting sausages. +After bowing to End Waking and getting eir hug and skunk-kiss from both May and True Name, ey sat cross-legged between them and, once ey'd gathered emself, said, "That was a whole lot of bullshit. How far off is food?" -((Heads back all upset because they're good at that, EW is over and the three skunks are on the prairie)) +End Waking used the tip of his knife to nudge at a few of the sausages, turning them over on the grill cantilevered over the fire. "Not long. Would you prefer to wait to share, then?" -((They talk about the meeting)) +"Yeah. Maybe if I have food in me, I won't shout." -((Wargaming a few last things; they did a bunch while Ioan was out, but they're kind of cagey talking about it because ???)) +"That was quite loud, my dear," May said, claiming one of eir hands to hold in her paw. "I am glad you did not die." -((They talk over dinner, we see it's been a few weeks and Ioan and TN are getting more comfortable touching)) +Dinner was quiet, but not unpleasant. Gentle wind through the grass, the crackling of the fire and the spit of grease from the sausages, the gamy tang of ground venison tempered with barley and herbs. -((Maybe some other stuff: - EW camping out? - Some call-back to something from before? - Ioan and May walk the plains - idk)) +"Did he wind you up that badly?" May asked. + +"Well, yes and no. He and Zacharias were both there." + +Both May and True Name flinched at the name, True Name's shoulders slumping. "So, yes. Winding you up." + +Ey nodded. "I'd guessed that much, at least. I think the whole meeting was a form of that. He even admitted such, saying that he set it up mostly so that he could 'drag me around'. I called him on it." + +"I do not imagine that did any good," End Waking mumbled. + +"Oh, not at all. The thing is, it wasn't just winding me up, though. I also think he just wanted to hear himself talk. I think he wanted to talk about all his plans because he knows his words are going to wind up in whatever I write, so he wants to get all that he can in there." + +"And worded as he would like," True Name said, nodding. "No matter what we manage to come up with, he wants to ensure that the narrative has him coming out on top." + +"I still don't understand, though," ey said. "Why be so transparently villainous if he's specifically having me write something for public consumption." + +"The same reason I wound you and Codrin up. If it is just a little too sensational to be real, then he can get away with more than he might otherwise. Jonas assassinating True Name? True Name who probably already assassinated Qoheleth? It is just too much to be real, but it sure is good reading, is it not?" + +"Makes me feel like something of a punching bag," ey said, then sighed. "I think I'm starting to understand what Codrin#Castor was talking about in terms of getting yanked about a bit better." + +True Name winced and averted her gaze. "I am sorry, Mx. Bălan." + +"Shit, I'm sorry." Ey reached over to give the skunk's paw a squeeze. "That was a different you, I'm not trying to put that on you now." + +She patted the back of eir hand with her other paw, a somewhat stiff gesture, and, as always when the topic of strife in the past came up, ey could see more of End Waking in her than True Name or May. "Thank you, Ioan. I do appreciate it. It is an unfortunate reality that politics is the science of yanking people around. Add in being an actor, and, well," she said, then shrugged. + +"I understand, yeah." Ey retrieved eir hand, choosing instead to gently tug May closer. She leaned against eir side gratefully. "Do you have a plan you think might work out, then? Don't have to tell me, I know you're keeping it amongst yourselves." + +End Waking nodded. "There is a good chance of it working, yes. Not a perfect chance, and there are many possible holes that he may exploit in the moment." + +True Name nodded. "If nothing else, I think that it will buy me a quiet retirement." + +"A quiet retirement alive is still good, right? It'll be a life," ey said. + +"It may not be an ideal life, but it will be a life, yes." + +"And hopefully still a good one, in the end," May added. + +"Yes. If I am honest, a less than ideal but still good life is far more than I had in front of me even before all of this nonsense." She smiled, faint but true. "Perhaps I ought to thank him for that. I am not unhappy with what I have now, even." + +The conversation wound down from there, and as evening dimmed into night, they fell into silence. The fire was kept low, only enough light and warmth to keep the dark at bay. + +Eventually, with eir lower back hurting and May starting to nod off, they made their goodnights. True Name gave May and em a hug around the shoulders and a nose-dot to the cheek in turn and padded off to her tent. End Waking stated that he was going to watch the fire for a while longer and then head to bed himself --- he'd set up a tent of his own a ways off from True Name's for this fork to sleep in --- leaving May and Ioan to walk back to the house together in the dark. + +"I'm happy to hear her talking about a future," Ioan said, once they'd cleaned up and made their way to bed, em slouched against the headboard and May in eir lap, slouched against eir front in turn. + +"I am too, yes. I am pleased that other than a few short fits, she has been at worst determined, and at best hopeful." + +Ey nodded and tucked eir chin up over the skunk's head. "I think that's where I am, yeah. I want this over with, and sometimes it even feels like this might even be the best outcome for everyone." + +"For everyone?" + +"Well, Jonas gets what he wants and he can go play his games elsewhere, and True Name gets to go live a life doing whatever it is she wants, right?" + +She nodded. "And what of us?" + +Ey chuckled, the sound somewhat muffled by the position. "Well, I'll be happy for her, and you and I will continue being disgustingly adorable or whatever it is she accuses us of being." + +May laughed. "Well, yes. I will be happy for her and will continue loving you." + +"Love you too, May." + +"See? Gross." She laughed and hugged tighter around eir middle. "Will you let her continue to live here?" + +Shrugging carefully, ey murmured, "It'll be a conversation between the three of us. I've gotten used to it, I'd love to have her stick around if she wants." + +"Same," the skunk mumbled. "It is not perfect, but nothing that cannot be fixed by modifying the sim and nailing down some boundaries." + +"I'm looking forward to getting in touch with Serene, yeah." Ey hesitated, then asked gently, "Are there boundaries she's crossed?" + +"No, no. I do not think so, but it might be nice to understand the shape of our friendships when we are not waiting on some potentially life-or-death event." + +"I still get tripped up over you even calling her a friend," ey said, grinning. "If she'd needed to move in even a year ago, I think you would've ripped her head off two days in." + +May laughed and lifted her snout to nudge at eir chin firmly. "Would not. I would have been impossible to live with, though. Whining and bitching and stress-shedding everywhere." + +"Oh, so like normal, then." + +She sat up in eir lap and poked em in the chest with a dull claw. "Rude." + +Ey grinned. "Well, okay, not stress-shedding, just normal shedding." + +She scrubbed a paw at her flank until she came up little bit of shed fur --- 'skunk pixels', she'd called it at one point, and it had stuck --- to sprinkle over eir front. "Yes, yes. But I can say the same for you, my dear. A year ago, I do not think I could have pictured her giving you a goodnight kiss." + +Covering for the heat rising to eir cheeks by brushing the errant fur off eir front, ey shrugged. "I'm used to skunks being all touchy, thanks to you." + +"Yes, but True Name?" + +"I'm not sure she's that anymore," ey said carefully. "So I guess you're right. I couldn't imagine the True Name of a year ago giving goodnight kisses to anyone, much less you and me." + +She grinned, nodding. "Agreed, yes. And you are okay with it?" + +Ey shrugged. "Like I said, I'm used to it. It occasionally strikes me as incredibly strange. Even just talking about it now feels weird. There's this whole, dramatic plot to take out one of the most prominent people on the System, and here we are, talking about goodnight kisses." + +"It is not that weird. It is an artifact of our lives. Death has a different flavor to it when we fork and quit on a whim, living for centuries at a time." She set to work brushing her fingers through eir hair. Weird to be petted, but it felt good, so ey never stopped her. She continued, "Which is not to say that it is important and anxiety inducing to have almost lost one's life, just that, with a modicum of care, she *can* continue living, even if in a restricted fashion. With less fear of death comes greater love." + +Eyes closed and chin tucked nearly to eir chest, ey hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose, yeah. I didn't have much life outside the System that I can compare, never mind love." + +May giggled. "I was not speaking of romance, my dear." + +Ey snorted, shaking eir head. "Neither was I, you nut. I just meant Dragoș and my parents." + +"Well, touché. We do not have very good language around love, in my defense." She ruffled eir hair and ey could hear the smirk in her voice as she said, "Not that that will ever stop me from teasing you about falling in love with her." + +Ey laughed and poked at her side a few times, hunting for a ticklish spot. "Who's rude now, hmm?" + +Giggling helplessly, May squirmed until she tipped off eir lap, curling protectively into a ball. "It is just so easy, Ionuț,do not blame me!" + +"I know, I know, and it's your job as an Odist to fuck with me, *et cetera, et cetera*," ey said, sipping down into bed alongside the skunk, getting eir arms around her. "I like her, but...well, whatever. It's complicated." + +She twisted in eir arms and wormed her way back against em, shaking her head. "No, you cannot just leave it at that. You have further thoughts and I want to hear." + +"Further ammo for teasing, you mean." + +"Well, yes, but I do still want to hear." + +Ey sighed. "Fine, fine. I just...well, I guess I'm sort of in the same boat as her, in that it's something I can picture, even if I can't understand it. She's enough like you --- in terms of looks and voice as well as personality from the merge --- that I can imagine what that'd be like, and both she and End Waking are my friends, so there's that, too. But the context of her being True Name makes it hard to picture the...I don't know. Process?" + +"The concept versus the mechanics, maybe?" + +"Yeah, I think so." Ey grinned and kissed the back of one of her ears. "But that's about as far as I get thinking about it before I'm distracted by this or that." + +"Organizing your pen collection is usually what I accuse you of," she said. + +"Mmhm. I guess it's the same as when you and I got together. I could kind of picture it, but had no clue beyond that." + +She hugged eir arm to her front and nodded. "Well, whatever happens, happens. We will talk about it." + +"Another time," ey mumbled, pushing eir face into her soft fur. "I can't imagine I'm going to be able to sleep tomorrow night, so we might as well get some tonight."