update from sparkleup
This commit is contained in:
Madison Scott-Clary
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D> Been thinking.
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7:24 PM Dee> Been thinking.
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D> We still talk a lot, and I really like that. For having only had a little bit of time together at UI, it's nice that we've been able to keep up with each other.
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7:26 PM Dee> We still talk a lot, and I really like that. For having only had a little bit of time together at UI, it's nice that we've been able to keep up with each other.
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K> Yeah?
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7:26 PM Kay> Yeah?
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K> I mean, I like it too.
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7:26 PM Kay> I mean, I like it too.
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K> I only talk to you and like two classmates from that time, and one only because he's also up here in Boise.
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7:27 PM Kay> I only talk to you and like two classmates from that time, and one only because he's also up here in Boise.
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D> Yeah.
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7:27 PM Dee> Yeah.
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D> So I don't know if this is weird or not. It's not something I've ever done or
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7:28 PM Dee> So I don't know if this is weird or not. It's not something I've ever done or
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K> ?
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7:28 PM Kay> ?
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D> Not something I've ever done or really felt, but I think I really like you.
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7:31 PM Dee> Not something I've ever done or really felt, but I think I really like you.
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D> Know I really like you.
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7:31 PM Dee> Know I really like you.
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D> And goodness knows I have no idea what to do about it.
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7:31 PM Dee> And goodness knows I have no idea what to do about it.
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D> It's taken me weeks to even get to the point where I could say that.
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7:31 PM Dee> It's taken me weeks to even get to the point where I could say that.
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K> Huh...
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7:32 PM Kay> Huh...
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D> ???
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7:33 PM Dee> ???
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K> I like you too, but I'm not sure if it's in the same way?
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7:34 PM Kay> I like you too, but I'm not sure if it's in the same way?
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K> Assuming you mean romantically.
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7:34 PM Kay> Assuming you mean romantically.
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D> Yes.
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7:34 PM Dee> Yes.
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K> Yeah, see.
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7:35 PM Kay> Yeah, see.
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K> I don't know.
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7:35 PM Kay> I don't know.
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D> I don't either, I guess.
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7:35 PM Dee> I don't either, I guess.
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K> I'm really not sure how to take this conversation haha
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7:37 PM Kay> I'm really not sure how to take this conversation haha
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K> I hope that's not
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7:40 PM Kay> I hope that's not
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K> I don't know
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7:40 PM Kay> I don't know
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K> Painful?
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7:40 PM Kay> Painful?
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D> Well.
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7:45 PM Dee> Well.
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K> Yeah, sorry...
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7:45 PM Kay> Yeah, sorry...
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D> No no, I mean
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7:45 PM Dee> No no, I mean
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D> Well, it is, but that's not quite where I was going, hah.
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7:45 PM Dee> Well, it is, but that's not quite where I was going, hah.
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K> Sorry. I'll let you type.
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7:46 PM Kay> Sorry. I'll let you type.
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D> I don't really know what I wanted out of this conversation, to be honest. I wasn't even intending for it to be a conversation, at least right off the bat. I had a whole email written up that I was going to send you, to be perfectly nerdy about it.
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7:50 PM Dee> I don't really know what I wanted out of this conversation, to be honest. I wasn't even intending for it to be a conversation, at least right off the bat. I had a whole email written up that I was going to send you, to be perfectly nerdy about it.
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D> Feelings like this aren't logical. At least, they don't feel logical So I think I just wanted to say that because I don't know what to do with all of them. They just boil up within me and I just sit there and feel weird and bad but also kind of good at the same time. I just started falling for you, and kept it to myself because it felt like such an imposition to admit that to you.
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7:54 PM Dee> Feelings like this aren't logical. At least, they don't feel logical So I think I just wanted to say that because I don't know what to do with all of them. They just boil up within me and I just sit there and feel weird and bad but also kind of good at the same time. I just started falling for you, and kept it to myself because it felt like such an imposition to admit that to you.
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D> And I should add
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7:54 PM Dee> And I should add
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D> The goal is specifically NOT to do that. It wasn't to try and rope you into something you don't want to do, and I don't want to make it sound like I am trying to do so now.
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7:55 PM Dee> The goal is specifically NOT to do that. It wasn't to try and rope you into something you don't want to do, and I don't want to make it sound like I am trying to do so now.
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D> Guilt you into it or whatever.
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7:55 PM Dee> Guilt you into it or whatever.
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D> But I did want to talk about it and get it off my chest.
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7:56 PM Dee> But I did want to talk about it and get it off my chest.
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D> And I guess that's it.
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7:57 PM Dee> And I guess that's it.
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K> Alright.
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7:57 PM Kay> Alright.
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K> I mean, I don't think you could guilt the wings off a fly, Dee.
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7:58 PM Kay> I mean, I don't think you could guilt the wings off a fly, Dee.
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K> The whole Catholic thing is guilting yourself, right?
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7:58 PM Kay> The whole Catholic thing is guilting yourself, right?
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D> That's a bit of an uncharitable way to put it.
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7:59 PM Dee> That's a bit of an uncharitable way to put it.
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K> Sorry. You know I don't understand it.
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7:59 PM Kay> Sorry. You know I don't understand it.
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D> Yeah.
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7:59 PM Dee> Yeah.
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K> And that's maybe part of it.
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8:00 PM Kay> And that's maybe part of it.
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D> How so?
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8:00 PM Dee> How so?
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K> How would you feel being in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe the same stuff?
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8:01 PM Kay> How would you feel being in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe the same stuff?
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K> Doesn't believe ANY of it, I mean.
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8:01 PM Kay> Doesn't believe ANY of it, I mean.
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K> I'm not going to knock it or anything, but I'm not going to try it, either.
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8:01 PM Kay> I'm not going to knock it or anything, but I'm not going to try it, either.
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K> I'm sorry.
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8:02 PM Kay> I'm sorry.
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D> Hah.
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8:02 PM Dee> Hah.
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D> Sorry, that came out weird?
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8:02 PM Dee> Sorry, that came out weird?
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D> Seriously, though, I really don't know. This whole thing, this whole crush or whatever it is, I don't know what the end goal of it is. It's limerence, it's something that's happening to me, and I don't know what to do about it. It's this enormous feeling and you're the limerent object, and I hate that my brain is doing it.
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8:06 PM Dee> Seriously, though, I really don't know. This whole thing, this whole crush or whatever it is, I don't know what the end goal of it is. It's limerence, it's something that's happening to me, and I don't know what to do about it. It's this enormous feeling and you're the limerent object, and I hate that my brain is doing it.
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D> And at the same time, I really do like you, and that is something I am happy to accommodate even in the context of our friendship.
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8:07 PM Dee> And at the same time, I really do like you, and that is something I am happy to accommodate even in the context of our friendship.
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D> Because above all else, I'm simply happy to have you as my friend.
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8:07 PM Dee> Because above all else, I'm simply happy to have you as my friend.
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K> Same!
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8:07 PM Kay> Same!
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D> And even if a relationship isn't in our future, that's totally okay.
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8:09 PM Dee> And even if a relationship isn't in our future, that's totally okay.
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K> Thanks Dee <3
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8:10 PM Kay> Thanks Dee <3
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K> I don't know, it's weird.
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8:10 PM Kay> I don't know, it's weird.
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K> I kind of suspected, now that I think back on it?
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8:11 PM Kay> I kind of suspected, now that I think back on it?
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K> Not like you were being a weirdo.
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8:11 PM Kay> Not like you were being a weirdo.
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K> Or any more than usual ☺
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8:11 PM Kay> Or any more than usual 😺
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K> Just little things about how you acted when I was over. Nothing bad, just you had a certain distance about you, like you were being extra careful about something or guarding something. Like, every time you came over to my place and wound up sitting in my bed or something, you'd get all quiet.
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8:13 PM Kay> Just little things about how you acted when I was over. Nothing bad, just you had a certain distance about you, like you were being extra careful about something or guarding something. Like, every time you came over to my place and wound up sitting in my bed or something, you'd get all quiet.
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K> I realize after the fact that that was probably super weird for you. Sorry about that.
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8:13 PM Kay> I realize after the fact that that was probably super weird for you. Sorry about that.
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D> Oh, are you saying I was more awkward than usual? Shock and surprise!
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8:14 PM Dee> Oh, are you saying I was more awkward than usual? Shock and surprise!
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K> Haha
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8:14 PM Kay> Haha
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D> It was weird, but please don't put that on you. I just...yeah, I was fighting with my emotions at the time, and huddling on your bed where literally all I could smell was you and with you being the sole focus of my attention, it was...well.
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8:17 PM Dee> It was weird, but please don't put that on you. I just...yeah, I was fighting with my emotions at the time, and huddling on your bed where literally all I could smell was you and with you being the sole focus of my attention, it was...well.
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D> Intense, I guess.
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8:18 PM Dee> Intense, I guess.
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K> I bet.
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8:18 PM Kay> I bet.
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K> Still, I'm sorry, Dee.
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8:18 PM Kay> Still, I'm sorry, Dee.
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K> I won't say my 'no' is absolute and forever, I can't predict that, but it is a 'no' for now.
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8:19 PM Kay> I won't say my `no' is absolute and forever, I can't predict that, but it is a `no' for now.
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D> Thanks, Kay.
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8:19 PM Dee> Thanks, Kay.
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D> For being so open about it, I mean.
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8:20 PM Dee> For being so open about it, I mean.
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D> And honest, I guess.
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8:20 PM Dee> And honest, I guess.
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D> Uh...and to continue being awkward for at least a moment longer, are you okay remaining friends?
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8:21 PM Dee> Uh...and to continue being awkward for at least a moment longer, are you okay remaining friends?
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K> Dee I swear to god
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8:21 PM Kay> Dee I swear to god
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K> If you did anything to make me not want to be your friend any longer a) you would know it because I would kick your ass and b) I'd go fucking nuts because I wasn't kidding about you being just about the only friend I have that I can talk to.
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8:22 PM Kay> If you did anything to make me not want to be your friend any longer a) you would know it because I would kick your ass and b) I'd go fucking nuts because I wasn't kidding about you being just about the only friend I have that I can talk to.
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K> We're friends, okay? If a friendship can't take a challenge, what even is it, then? :P
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8:22 PM Kay> We're friends, okay? If a friendship can't take a challenge, what even is it, then? :P
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D> Haha. Well, good. I'm not keen on getting my ass kicked, and ditto. I'd rather have my nails pulled out that lose you as a friend.
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8:23 PM Dee> Haha. Well, good. I'm not keen on getting my ass kicked, and ditto. I'd rather have my nails pulled out that lose you as a friend.
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K> Gross
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8:23 PM Kay> Gross
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K> ☺
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8:23 PM Kay> 😺
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D> It feels surprisingly good to get that out.
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8:25 PM Dee> It feels surprisingly good to get that out.
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K> Even if it isn't the outcome you wanted?
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8:25 PM Kay> Even if it isn't the outcome you wanted?
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D> It's weird.
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8:26 PM Dee> It's weird.
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D> I'm not sure what outcome it is that I really wanted.
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8:27 PM Dee> I'm not sure what outcome it is that I really wanted.
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D> I mean, not gonna lie, if we'd wound up going out or whatever, that would've been nice! But I don't think that was ACTUALLY my goal. I think I really just wanted to get it off my chest. I wanted to not be holding it in and feeling like an idiot any longer.
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8:29 PM Dee> I mean, not gonna lie, if we'd wound up going out or whatever, that would've been nice! But I don't think that was ACTUALLY my goal. I think I really just wanted to get it off my chest. I wanted to not be holding it in and feeling like an idiot any longer.
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K> I bet!
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8:29 PM Kay> I bet!
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K> How long has it been, anyway?
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8:30 PM Kay> How long has it been, anyway?
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K> Shit. If you don't mind me asking, that is. I don't want to draw it out if this is just continuing to hurt you or anything ☹
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8:31 PM Kay> Shit. If you don't mind me asking, that is. I don't want to draw it out if this is just continuing to hurt you or anything 😿
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D> No, it's okay! It's made me a weird, giggly mess for some reason because apparently I'm still twelve, admitting that I have a crush, but it's good to talk about.
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8:32 PM Dee> No, it's okay! It's made me a weird, giggly mess for some reason because apparently I'm still twelve, admitting that I have a crush, but it's good to talk about.
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D> Way better than an email would have been, yikes.
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8:32 PM Dee> Way better than an email would have been, yikes.
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D> But it's been about six months? A bit longer?
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8:32 PM Dee> But it's been about six months? A bit longer?
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K> Can I just say that you writing up a whole-ass email to tell me that you like me is the most Dee possible thing that I can think of?
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8:33 PM Kay> Can I just say that you writing up a whole-ass email to tell me that you like me is the most Dee possible thing that I can think of?
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D> Listen.
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8:33 PM Dee> Listen.
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D> I set up an archetype for myself and have no choice but to live up to it.
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8:33 PM Dee> I set up an archetype for myself and have no choice but to live up to it.
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K> Nerd
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8:33 PM Kay> Nerd
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K> What was even in the email?
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8:35 PM Kay> What was even in the email?
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D> I still have it in drafts. Want me to just send it?
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8:35 PM Dee> I still have it in drafts. Want me to just send it?
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K> Sure
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8:35 PM Kay> Sure
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K> Oh Dee
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8:43 PM Kay> Oh Dee
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K> This is incredibly sweet, jesus
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8:43 PM Kay> This is incredibly sweet, jesus
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K> fuck haha
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8:43 PM Kay> fuck haha
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K> got me all sniffly
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8:43 PM Kay> got me all sniffly
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K> You're still a total nerd
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8:44 PM Kay> You're still a total nerd
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K> But whoever you wind up with is gonna be the luckiest gal out there
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8:45 PM Kay> But whoever you wind up with is gonna be the luckiest gal out there
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K> Man, I'm sorry
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8:45 PM Kay> Man, I'm sorry
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D> ??
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8:46 PM Dee> ??
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K> I feel like I'm teasing you by saying that ☹
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8:47 PM Kay> I feel like I'm teasing you by saying that 😿
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D> I don't feel teased.
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8:47 PM Dee> I don't feel teased.
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D> A bit...bashful, maybe?
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8:48 PM Dee> A bit...bashful, maybe?
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D> And I'm not going to lie that hearing that makes me a little bit hopeful for the future, but I stand by what I said that I'm alright with your answer, and am happy to have you as a friend.
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8:48 PM Dee> And I'm not going to lie that hearing that makes me a little bit hopeful for the future, but I stand by what I said that I'm alright with your answer, and am happy to have you as a friend.
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K> Uh
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8:49 PM Kay> Uh
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K> Yeah, I don't know
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8:49 PM Kay> Yeah, I don't know
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K> Let's talk about it in the future sometime, then? Because yeah, like
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8:49 PM Kay> Let's talk about it in the future sometime, then? Because yeah, like
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K> Maybe we could make it work?
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8:50 PM Kay> Maybe we could make it work?
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K> But just not right now
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8:51 PM Kay> But just not right now
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K> I can picture it in my mind, and you're cute and sweet and we have fun, but I guess I just can't say yes right now.
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8:51 PM Kay> I can picture it in my mind, and you're cute and sweet and we have fun, but I guess I just can't say yes right now.
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D> For the future, then.
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8:52 PM Dee> For the future, then.
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D> For now, I'm gonna go order some food. Not to put an artificial stopper in this, but maybe we can just chill with a movie or something after?
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8:52 PM Dee> For now, I'm gonna go order some food. Not to put an artificial stopper in this, but maybe we can just chill with a movie or something after?
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K> Yeah, sounds good ☺ Sci-fi bullshit?
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8:53 PM Kay> Yeah, sounds good 😺 Sci-fi bullshit?
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D> Oh, definitely sci-fi bullshit
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8:53 PM Dee> Oh, definitely sci-fi bullshit
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-----
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