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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2023-09-15 09:40:04 -07:00
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writing/3/terrifying/engagement.md
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@ -2,17 +2,17 @@
And what of it? What of all of this? Waving my hand at the previous however many hundreds of words, I might ask, "Why the fuck does it matter?"
There are many things that I might ask. There are many things that I *have* asked, even in these last however many thousands of words. Questions and questions
There are many things that I might ask. There are many things that I *have* asked, even in these last however many thousands of words. Questions and questions...
> > So, do you want to know the answer?
> > *So, do you want to know the answer?*
>
> I don’t know.
>
> > It is strange that you sound unsure.
> > *It is strange that you sound unsure.*
>
> Why?
>
> > There are twenty-two questions on the previous page. Twenty-five if you count mine — and I suppose that whether or not we are to include those is the crux of the issue. If that is not bemoaning the lack of answers, I do not know what is. It is strange that you would be unsure whether or not you want to know the answer.\footnote{\cite[32]{ally-making-of}}
> > *There are twenty-two questions on the previous page. Twenty-five if you count mine — and I suppose that whether or not we are to include those is the crux of the issue. If that is not bemoaning the lack of answers, I do not know what is. It is strange that you would be unsure whether or not you want to know the answer.*\footnote{\cite{ally-plurality}}
But there is that one that sticks in the craw: 'why?' Why do I worry so much, and what, pray, might I do about it?
@ -37,4 +37,4 @@ Falcon died, she slumped against me and left me with her still warm but unalive
> But the living always make the mistake of too sharp a distinction.\footnote{\cite[17]{duino}}
I hold in tension within myself the idea that the only way out is through — through to the void, through that narrow gate, through to darkness — and just how unfair it would be of me to choose that.
((Struggling against the instinct to escape, suicidality))
((Struggling against the loss of unity, and then struggling against a sense of the half-sensed loss of Slow Hours))