update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/005.md

@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ Part of the ramming process had involved carefully setting the chimney pipe for
 
 It had left them both feeling worn out and dirty, and when Debarre said he was going to wash the sticky earth from his paws and fur, End Waking had suggested turning that into the icy plunge.
 
-The skunk then built up the fire higher than usual, told Debarre that they'd need to do so nude as he shed his clothes by the fire so they'd stay dry, and them pulled him along to the rock overhang.
+The skunk had then built up the fire higher than usual, told Debarre that they'd need to do so nude as he shed his clothes by the fire so they'd stay dry, and then pulled him along to the rock overhang.
 
 Once their fronts were mostly dry, they turned out to face the waterfall and ravine, draping the cloak over their fronts with their backs exposed to the fire, sitting in silence and leaning against each other, sharing warmth.
 
@@ -82,17 +82,17 @@ That End Waking was so open to touch over the last few weeks was something he wa
 
 Before long, however, they set the cloak aside to get dressed, and Debarre watched as End Waking prepped a sizeable hare and pushed it onto a cast-iron spit and set it over the fire, a tilted pan beneath it catching the drippings.
 
-They dined on the hare and squash roasted in the fat, both pungent with thyme. They stayed up until it was well and truly dark, talking about this or that, so long as it was light.
+They dined on the hare and squash roasted in the fat, both pungent with thyme. They stayed up until it was well and truly dark, chatting.
 
-Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreating to the makeshift tent that End Waking had set up with the fabric that had been his previous shelter strung over a rope and draped over his recovered cot. Narrow as it was, they had to huddle close --- the only time the skunk was consistently okay with close physical contact and intimacy --- sharing each others' warmth beneath the cloak and a few blankets besides.
+Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreating to the makeshift tent that End Waking had set up using the patched fabric that had been his previous shelter strung over a rope and draped over his recovered cot. Narrow as it was, they had to huddle close --- the only time the skunk was consistently okay with close physical contact and intimacy --- sharing each others' warmth beneath the cloak and a few blankets besides.
 
 "E.W.?"
 
 "I like it when you call me that."
 
-"I'm a sucker for nicknames," he said, tucking himself back against the skunk.
+"I'm a sucker for nicknames," he said, tucking himself back against him.
 
-"That you are." He rested his snout over Debarre's shoulder. "What were you going to ask, my dear?"
+"That you are." He rested his snout over Debarre's shoulder. "What were you going to ask, my love?"
 
 "I...well, all these little changes are coming to the System. The ACL changes, the cones of silence..."
 
@@ -102,11 +102,11 @@ Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreati
 
 "This is by design."
 
-Debarre laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just worried about changes."
+Debarre laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just worried about so many  changes in so short a time."
 
 "How so?"
 
-"I don't know," Debarre mumbled. "I just think there's a lot of subtle things --- more like the little stuff May Then My Name talks about --- and I'm worried those will go away or change."
+"I don't know," Debarre mumbled. "I just think there's a lot of subtle things --- more like the little stuff May Then My Name talks about --- and I'm worried those will break or disappear."
 
 End Waking hummed thoughtfully. "They have survived Secession and Launch."
 
@@ -116,13 +116,13 @@ End Waking hummed thoughtfully. "They have survived Secession and Launch."
 
 He nodded.
 
-"I do not know that they have a good enough understanding of the subtleties to do so. One does not understand forking or memory or sensoria until after uploading."
+"I do not know that they have a good enough understanding of the subtleties to do so. The System is greater than the sum of its component parts."
 
 "Well, maybe not intentionally changing things. Just knock on effects, maybe." *Or maybe internal politics encouraging changes,* he added, mentally.
 
 "I imagine they will be careful, even around the subtle things."
 
-They lay, silent, for a while, Debarre thinking and, if the slow slackening of his arm around the weasel's chest was any indication, End Waking slowly falling asleep.
+They lay silent for a while, Debarre thinking and, if the slow slackening of his arm around his chest was any indication, End Waking slowly falling asleep.
 
 "E.W.?" he whispered.