update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/secession/phys/Yared/007.md

@@ -35,21 +35,23 @@
 
 The response to the proposal was immediate and dramatic.
 
-Yared had not know what exactly it was that he was expecting, but it certainly was not an immediate division within the DDR, with one half being suddenly and intensely for the referendum and its amendments, each for their own reasons, and the other half being suddenly and intensely against the referendum for completely separate reasons.
+Yared had not know what exactly it was that he was expecting, but it certainly was not an immediate division within the DDR, with one half being suddenly and intensely for the referendum and its amendments, each for their own reasons, and the other half being suddenly and intensely against the referendum for completely separate reasons he could not fathom.
 
-It was not that he'd not expected some division, but the divisiveness of the amendment itself was shocking. Where once there had been general consensus on the issue of individual rights and the L<sub>5</sub> launch amendment, there was suddenly no guarantee that the referendum itself would actually pass. It had been a foregone conclusion, and now, in the matter of minutes, the entire thing seemed to be crumbling around him, and, with his name attached as DDR signatory, he was responsible.
+It was not that he hadn't expected some division, but the strength of the divisiveness of the amendment itself was shocking. Where once there had been general consensus on the issue of individual rights and the L<sub>5</sub> launch amendment, there was suddenly no guarantee that the referendum itself would actually pass. It had been a foregone conclusion, and now, in the matter of minutes, the entire thing seemed to be crumbling around him, and, with his name attached as DDR signatory, he was responsible.
 
-His instinct was to leave. To run. To hide. Some adrenal reaction drove him to leave, to back out of the 'net, throw on his [hat] and nearly sprint from his apartment.
+His instinct was to leave. To run. To hide. Some adrenal reaction drove him to leave, to back out of the 'net, throw on his cap and nearly sprint from his apartment.
 
-He made it the several blocks up to the undeveloped patch of ground before he calmed down enough to realize that, not only had he left behind any chance of responding to the flurry of comments on the referendum and its amendment (unless he wanted to use the intentionally clunky interface for doing so on his phone), but also any chance of syncing up with True Name and Jonas on the events.
+He made it the several blocks up to the useless patch of ground before he calmed down enough to realize that, not only had he left behind any chance of responding to the flurry of comments on the referendum and its amendment (unless he wanted to use the intentionally clunky interface for doing so on his phone), but also any chance of syncing up with True Name and Jonas on the events.
 
 Now, here he was, huddling at the base of a scraggly tree like some hunted thing, an animal seeking only to never be seen by unknown predators. Now, here he was, completely alone.
 
-And yet he couldn't force himself to rise. Couldn't force himself to get up from his crouching position, couldn't force himself to walk back to his apartment or, really, anywhere else, couldn't even force himself to pull his phone from his pocket and get in touch with...well, who would he even contact? The only one he interact with in the subject --- really, the only one he interacted with offline in any sincere capacity --- was Councilor Demma.
+And yet he couldn't force himself to rise. Couldn't force himself to get up from his crouching position, couldn't force himself to walk back to his apartment or, really, anywhere else, couldn't even force himself to pull his phone from his pocket and get in touch with...well, who would he even contact? The only one he interacted with in the subject --- really, the only one he interacted with offline in any sincere capacity, these last few months --- was Councilor Demma.
 
 Given this reaction, that seemed ill-advised.
 
-Alas, with a thrill up his spine along the exocortex and a gentle ping from his implants, his phone began to ring. A glance at the screen confirmed his fears.
+So he sat, back pressed against the truck of the tree, searching for anything to ground himself.
+
+With a thrill up his spine along the exocortex and a gentle ping from his implants, his phone began to ring. Fears surged within him once again, and a glance at the screen confirmed his fears.
 
 Demma.
 
@@ -61,7 +63,7 @@ Eventually, that part of his mind lost out to the desire to hopefully find some
 
 "Mr Zerezghi," the councilor said. "Wonderful to hear from you. I was wondering if you had a few moments to talk? We stopped by the coffee shop and knocked at your door, but there was no answer."
 
-"My apologies, councilor. I went for a walk to clear my head. I'm..." He squinted around at the trees, then walked back to the street he'd come up. "I'm at the woodland park, a ways north of my place. Does your driver know where that is?"
+"My apologies, councilor. I went for a walk to clear my head. I'm..." He squinted around at the trees, then walked back to the street he'd come up. "I'm at the wooded park area, a ways north of my place. Does your driver know where that is?"
 
 There was a moment's muffled conversation, then, "Of course. We'll meet you on the road, yes? The residential side?"
 
@@ -71,11 +73,11 @@ After the click of Demma hanging up, Yared trudged back the way he'd come.
 
 It was a short walk of perhaps only a minute or two, but even so, the car was waiting for him, the driver already standing beside it, waiting to open the door to let him in to talk.
 
-"Yared, wonderful to see you, as well!" Demma said cheerfully. "Please, sit! We have much to talk about. I'm sorry that I was not able to provide our usual coffee, but there's water behind the seat if you'd like."
+"Yared, wonderful to see you, as always!" Demma said cheerfully. "Please, sit! We have much to talk about. I'm sorry that I was not able to provide our usual coffee, but there's water behind the seat if you'd like."
 
 Settling into the cushy and cold spot that he'd found himself in so many times before, Yared shook his head. "No, thank you. I'm sorry I wasn't at home, I wasn't expecting you."
 
-Demma waved the comment away. "It's alright, it's alright. We probably should have planned better on when to introduce the amendment and when to meet up afterwards, but, well, we knew it was going to be today, so we figured that you'd be ready to meet either way."
+Demma waved the comment away. "It's alright, quite alright. We probably should have planned better on when to introduce the amendment and when to meet up afterwards, but, well, we knew it was going to be today, so we figured that you'd be ready to meet either way."
 
 "I just...I just needed a walk."
 
@@ -97,7 +99,7 @@ Yared nodded, numb. He could tell he was dissociating, feeling remote from his o
 
 The councilor tugged at his chin absentmindedly. "I think that there are a few reasons for that, Mr Zerezghi. The first is that there were no other co-authors on the bill, so it looked rather sudden. Even if you've been leading the effort quite effectively, and others look up to you, I can imagine that some see it as a power-grab once you'd reached that consensus.
 
-"Another reason is that you used the word 'secede', which is something of a naughty word in many places. North America in particular has some quite strong feelings on the matter, given the troubles of the last century. Don't misunderstand me, you had to use it for legislative reasons, but it still spun several people into a panic, particularly in the old United States. Does that make sense?"
+"Another reason is that you used the word 'secede', which is something of a naughty word in many jurisdictions. North America in particular has some quite strong feelings on the matter, given the troubles of the last century. Don't misunderstand me, you had to use it for legislative reasons, but it still spun several people into a panic, particularly in the old United States. Does that make sense?"
 
 "Yes, I suppose, but others were already using it. Respected voices, even. It's not the first time it's come up."
 
@@ -121,13 +123,13 @@ Yared nodded.
 
 He shook his head. "Not yet. Like I said, I started to panic and went for my walk."
 
-Demma nodded absently. "I suggest you do as soon as you get back. I'm curious to hear their opinion on the result of this amendment. I suspect they are equally curious to hear your opinion. Please report back to me what they say, as you have been."
+Demma nodded. "I suggest you do as soon as you get back. I'm curious to hear their opinion on the result of this amendment. I suspect they are equally curious to hear your opinion. Please report back to me what they say, as you have been."
 
 "Alright."
 
-"Now, here are my thoughts on the matter," the councilor said. "I think the amendment will be successful, and here is why. First of all, the DDR is far easier to send into a fit than you might be giving it credit for. We've watched it for decades now. It has a very short attention span, and dramatic reactions are part of that. Voters will work themselves up into a froth on whatever the current issue is, but there will always be another issue.
+"Now, here are my thoughts on the matter," the councilor said. "I think the amendment will be successful, and I have a few reasons why. First of all, the DDR is far easier to send into a fit than you might be giving it credit for. We've watched it for decades now. It has a very short attention span, and dramatic reactions are part of that. Voters will work themselves up into a froth on whatever the current issue is, but there will always be another issue.
 
-"Second, there will be another issue introduced in December. It is already being drafted up in Cairo, and will involve some issue of mid-level consequence, but one that will be of interest to many of the regular DDR voices. You'll have to pardon me for not giving you more information until the referendum is made public, but I can tell you that it will involve both the subcommittees on environment and land management."
+"Second, there will be another referendum introduced in December. It is already being drafted up in Cairo, and will involve some issue of mid-level consequence, but one that will be of interest to many of the regular DDR voices. You'll have to pardon me for not giving you more information until the referendum is made public, but I can tell you that it will involve both the subcommittees on environment and land management."
 
 Yared blinked. Demma was right, of course, anything to deal with land rights, especially here in the Northeast African Coalition, was bound to draw many of the loudest DDR junkies, himself included.
 
@@ -143,17 +145,17 @@ He nodded.
 
 Yared's baseline frown deepened, to which Demma laughed.
 
-"Politics are politics, my dear Yared. It is a game, as you know, but it is one with high stakes. When there are high stakes, one must use all the tools at one's disposal, savory or otherwise."
+"Politics are politics, my dear Yared. It is a game, as I'm sure you've guessed from your interactions with Jonas, but it is one with high stakes. When there are high stakes, one must use all the tools at one's disposal, savory or otherwise."
 
 "I understand," he said, still feeling that tension in his shoulders.
 
 Still smiling, Demma soothed, "You have made your own harsh comments, I know. You have questioned your opponent's competency. You have suggested that perhaps others band up against them and nudge them out of the debate. You have the very same toolkit, if only on a smaller scale."
 
-He let his shoulders sag, nodding.
+He let his shoulders sag.
 
-"So. The DDR is easily distracted, a distraction will be provided, and politics will be done here and there. I promise that you'll quickly see a swing in favor of the amendment. I've promised such in the past, and surely delivered." Demma's voice held a tone of conclusion, as though the conversation was nearing a decisive end.
+"So. The DDR is easily distracted, a distraction will be provided, and politics will be done where required. I promise that you'll quickly see a swing in favor of the amendment. I've promised such in the past, and surely delivered." Demma's voice held a tone of conclusion, as though the conversation was nearing a decisive end.
 
-Yared nodded. "Alright, councilor. I understand. I'm still having a hard time internalizing it, but I'll work on that. Should I expect further instructions."
+Yared nodded. "Alright, councilor. I understand. I'm still having a hard time internalizing it, but I'll work on that. Should I expect further instructions?"
 
 "You'll get them, yes, but for now, please enjoy a few days off from the issue. You've done your work for now, let it simmer, and then you can come back to it. I know it'll be hard to do, but I trust you'll find a way. Enjoy good food. Drink good coffee. Talk with good friends." That avuncular smile returned. "You deserve it, Mr Zerezghi. And, as always, thank you for all of your hard work."