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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2022-09-06 20:40:06 -07:00
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writing/post-self/mitzvot/016.md
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@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ After a pause to will it so, ey nodded. "Sure, should be good now."
"Thank you."
Ey felt strange staring out into the yard --- the opposite direction of the kitchen --- while True Name cooked, so ey grabbed a notebook moved to the dining table where, should ey be able to pull eir thoughts together, ey could write, and if ey couldn't, ey could at least talk with True Name without twisting around in eir seat.
Ey felt strange staring out into the yard --- the opposite direction of the kitchen --- while True Name cooked, so ey grabbed a notebook and moved to the dining table where, should ey be able to pull eir thoughts together, ey could write, and if ey couldn't, ey could at least talk with True Name without twisting around in eir seat.
Ey could not, it turned out. Ey flopped the notebook shut again and rubbed at eir face. "What're you cooking?"
@ -70,11 +70,11 @@ Ey sat up straighter, frowning at the skunk. "That's a surprisingly difficult qu
The conversation was taking a decidedly Odist turn. Coming at the topic sideways, grand statements that came tinged with a sense of awe. They all seemed prone to falling into the style of speaking and ey fell for it every time. "Mmhm. Several times."
"But what does it mean to believe in something like that? Or the sanctity of life or love or art? Or God, for that matter? 'Belief' as a word is a stand-in for a concept so broad as to be to be intimidating or impossible. One may say as Blake did, "For everything that lives is holy", but encompassing that within one's mind is truly terrifying." She finally broke her thousand-yard stare out the window and smiled faintly to em. "Still, I believe in what I do, Ioan. Really, *truly* believe. I feel called. I feel led. I am good at it. I wake up thinking about it, spend my day working with it, and fall asleep thinking yet more about it. We have an existence which is fundamentally different from that of phys-side, and I cannot put into words how much I love that. It is more than a want, I have a need so integral to my being for it to continue that I would not be True Name without it, and I love being True Name."
"But what does it mean to believe in something like that? Or the sanctity of life or love or art? Or God, for that matter? 'Belief' as a word is a stand-in for a concept so broad as to be intimidating or impossible. One may say as Blake did, 'For everything that lives is holy', but encompassing that within one's mind is truly terrifying." She finally broke her thousand-yard stare out the window and smiled faintly to em. "Still, I believe in what I do, Ioan. Really, *truly* believe. I feel called. I feel led. I am good at it. I wake up thinking about it, spend my day working with it, and fall asleep thinking yet more about it. We have an existence which is fundamentally different from that of phys-side, and I cannot put into words how much I love that. It is more than a want, I have a need so integral to my being for it to continue that I would not be True Name without it, and I love being True Name."
"But now..."
"Yes, 'but now'. But now I am stuck in an impossible limbo built by Jonas. My entire existence these last two hundred years has been defined by by a belief that I thought Jonas and I shared, and in a few minutes, he tore it to the ground, burnt the pieces to ash, and then ground the ash beneath his heel." She laughed and shook her head. "So melodramatic, is it not? But that is how it feels to have one's belief turned hollow and stale."
"Yes, 'but now'. But now I am stuck in an impossible limbo built by Jonas. My entire existence these last two hundred years has been defined by a belief that I thought Jonas and I shared, and in a few minutes, he tore it to the ground, burnt the pieces to ash, and then ground the ash beneath his heel." She laughed and shook her head. "So melodramatic, is it not? But that is how it feels to have one's belief turned hollow and stale."
"Do you overflow?"
@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ The other skunk had also stood and was bowing deeply to her up-tree instance. "M
May pressed the waxed cotton-wrapped parcel into Ioan's hands and bounded over to True Name, shoving her out of her bow in order to get her arms around her for an awkward hug. "That is for what happened," she said, then socked her in the shoulder. "And that is for how you told me."
True Name stumbled back from the greeting, blinking rapidly and rubbing at her arm. She looked as baffled as ey felt. Watching May interact with True Name these last few days had been something of a roller coaster, whether it was to the abject fury ey saw within her whenever the topic of her cocladist's goals --- or perhaps calling --- came up or the strange protectiveness that had led her to offer their home to her. Those were stressful enough; this was overwhelming.
True Name stumbled back from the greeting, blinking rapidly and rubbing at her arm. She looked as baffled as ey felt. Watching May interact with True Name these last few days had been something of a roller coaster, whether it was the abject fury ey saw within her whenever the topic of her cocladist's goals --- or perhaps calling --- came up or the strange protectiveness that had led her to offer their home to her. Those were stressful enough; this was overwhelming.
Ey shuffled back to the table, slid the packet onto it, and fell heavily into eir chair. "What just happened?"