update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 -----
 
-What levity the night had gained slowly faded when they returned home. True Name explained that she had barely slept the night previous and needed to do so urgently, and as soon as the door shut behind her, May's shoulders sagged and she dragged em off to the bedroom. It was still early for them to be going to sleep, but then, ey was plenty tired enough. 
+What levity the night had gained slowly faded when they returned home. True Name explained that she had barely slept the night previous and needed to do so urgently, and as soon as the door shut behind her, May's shoulders sagged and she dragged em off to the bedroom. It was still early for them to be going to sleep, but then, ey was certainly tired enough. 
 
 They settled into bed, not talking, just resting forehead-to-forehead while ey pet through May's soft fur. There didn't seem to be anything that either of them needed to say, or if there was, not yet something they could.
 
@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ The skunk mumbled her thanks and retrieved her mug, lapping groggily.
 
 As if on some hidden signal, they moved to the dining table to focus on waking up, all apparently too tired to do much else.
 
-It was True Name who finally broke the silence, speaking quietly, more down to her coffee than anything. "I find myself caught off-guard by the sudden ending of the merge. I have never experienced that with any other merger. Perhaps it is down to individuation."
+It was True Name who finally broke the silence, speaking quietly, more down to her mug than anything. "I find myself caught off-guard by the sudden ending of the merge. I have never experienced that with any other merger. Perhaps it is down to individuation."
 
 "How do you mean?"
 
@@ -74,15 +74,15 @@ Ey stayed quiet. Ey wasn't sure how much to push or back off, whether or not the
 
 Realizing the sensitive nature of the question, ey held up eir hands. "Sorry, I asked that without thinking. I was wondering if you wanted a partner, even if you felt your image wouldn't allow that."
 
-Another long silence followed before she spoke again. "Had you asked me that prior to the merge, I do not think I would have been comfortable answering, but in the context of the memories I now share of Debarre, I think that has changed into a solid 'I do not know'. I do not know if I wanted a partner, because it was more important for me to think about maintaining my image than it was for me to think about love, on some subconscious level."
+Another long silence followed before she spoke again. "Had you asked me that prior to the merge, I do not think I would have been comfortable answering, but in the context of the memories I now share of Debarre, I think that has changed into a solid 'I do not know'. I do not know if I wanted a partner, because it was more important for me to stay true to my goals than it was for me to think about love, on some subconscious level."
 
 Ey finished eir coffee and toyed with the empty mug, rotating it first this way and then that on the table while ey thought. Eventually, the two skunks fell into quiet, polite conversation, talking about something ey was too distracted to think about.
 
 They both agreed to more coffee, so ey tasked emself with making another pot, hoping that breaking out of the context would give em more room to think.
 
-That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to first meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May, years later. Ey did not have an image to maintain, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Ey and True Name always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something --- May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name --- suddenly forced the issue.
+That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to first meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May, years later. Ey did not have an image to maintain or goals to reach for, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Ey and True Name always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something --- May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name --- suddenly forced the issue.
 
-Ey didn't know what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May, with all her love, might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged itself firmly in place. They'd talked about how each of the three skunks were good people some nights back, but in the face of the last two days, ey couldn't think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A lingering need to force her to experience her own resentment? Or to feel that desire? A desire to help her become a better person, whatever that meant? A fit of pique?
+Ey didn't know what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May, with all her love, might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged itself firmly in place. They'd talked about how each of the three skunks were good people some nights back, but in the face of the last two days, ey couldn't think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A lingering need to force her to experience her own resentment? Or to feel that love? A desire to help her become a better person, whatever that meant? A fit of pique?
 
 Or, no, that wasn't it. It all fell back to the same problem that had been at the forefront of eir mind for months now: that need to fix things. Ey worried that May might merge down with True Name to make her feel better not necessarily because that's something she might want to do, but because, in the wake of the most recent merge, it's all ey emself could think to do in order to fix this friction. 
 
@@ -96,7 +96,7 @@ May grinned. "A little, but also you have been standing there for quite a while
 
 "Oh! Shit, I'm sorry." Ey laughed as best ey could to banish any look of the panic ey felt from eir face. Ey brought the pot of coffee over to the table along with the cream and sugar for May and True Name so that they could top up their mugs accordingly.
 
-Ey drifted in and out of the present moment after that, surfacing now and then to do a bit of work or, at one point, to run another sweep of the house at the behest of True Name, in case she'd brought any hitchhikers with her. She hadn't, but it was probably a good idea all the same.
+Ey drifted in and out of the present moment after that, surfacing now and then to do a bit of work or, at one point, to run another sweep of the house at the behest of True Name in case they'd brought any hitchhikers with them. They hadn't, but it was probably a good idea all the same.
 
 The relatively pleasant morning fell again into a vague sense of tension within the house. Ey was sure that ey was the cause of at least a part of it, what with the way May kept checking in on em.
 
@@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ She nodded.
 
 They lay in silence for a bit. Ey didn't know what May was thinking about, but ey kept cycling over just how much ey and eir partner had shared over the last few months alone, all those little bits of affection and physicality when True Name had expressed on more than one occasion that such simply wasn't for her, all the private conversations they'd shared with the understanding that they'd remain such, all the little nothing moments that go into being in love.
 
-"I will admit that I had been thinking about it," she said, then lifted her snout to dot her nose on the underside of eir chin. "But after the last few days and coming to terms with what that would actually mean for her, I am feeling much more cautious about the prospect."
+"I will admit that I had been considering it," she said, then lifted her snout to dot her nose on the underside of eir chin. "But after the last few days and coming to terms with what that would actually mean for her, I am feeling much more cautious about the prospect."
 
 "Okay," ey said carefully, not wanting to jostle her snout too much. "Can we make sure to talk about it more if you do decide to?"
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/020.md

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ The skunk hesitated, gaze drifting away from her cocladist. "Ask another questio
 
 The skunk only shrugged.
 
-"Well, I think the events with Qoheleth got me thinking about existence here on the System. My own, sure, but in general. Prior to that, I think I lived my life solely as an observer of others. I'd watch people and write what they did and turn it into a story, and I was just kind of...I don't know. Transparent?" Ey shrugged. "I was just a pair of glasses to be used by others. I relied really heavily on memory to do my job, though, and it wasn't until that was specifically called out and brought into question that I started thinking of myself as more than an observer, which then got me thinking about how I interact with those around me. That's where Codrin came from, I think."
+"Well, I think the events with Qoheleth got me thinking about existence here on the System. My own, sure, but in general. Prior to that, I think I lived my life solely as an observer of others. I'd watch people and write what they did and turn it into a story, and I was just kind of...I don't know. Transparent?" Ey shrugged. "I was just a pair of glasses to be used by others. I relied heavily on memory to do my job, though, and it wasn't until that was specifically called out and brought into question that I started thinking of myself as more than an observer, which then got me thinking about how I interact with those around me. That's where Codrin came from, I think."
 
 May chimed in. "Ey was the version of you who learned that most strongly, perhaps. You were left with the memories of it to work with, but without the context of the experience."
 
@@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ May shrugged. "If she is anything like True Name, yes. If she is anything like E
 
 She sighed. "If she is both, then I do not know. If she is both, perhaps she is finding some new way to let loose all of those emotions she could not speak before.
 
-True Name returned shortly before dinner. Both Ioan and May stood to greet her. She looked dirty and scuffed up, and while her expression wasn't grim, it came close. There was frustration there, perhaps anger as well.
+True Name returned shortly before dinner. Both Ioan and May stood to greet her. She looked dirty and scuffed up, and while her expression wasn't grim, it certainly came close. There was frustration there, perhaps anger as well.
 
 *Overflowing,* ey thought, then tamped it down.