From e72c2526f2a0c129e1ea1ec8ecbc3d73ac81dff1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Fri, 29 Jul 2022 20:50:06 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- writing/post-self/mitzvot/030.md | 52 +++++++++++++++++--------------- 1 file changed, 27 insertions(+), 25 deletions(-) diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/030.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/030.md index c1187eda..3e5fc816 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/030.md +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/030.md @@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ While True Name had, at one point, sat up long enough to drink half a glass of w "You don't think sleeping with her will be enough to keep you comfortable through the night?" -She rolled her eyes and poked em in the stomach with a dull claw. "It is not just that I do not want to sleep alone, my dear. I want to sleep with you." +She rolled her eyes and poked em in the stomach with a dull claw. "It is not just that I do not want to sleep alone. I want to sleep with you." Ioan blinked, laughed, and rubbed at the back of eir neck. "Right, sorry, I guess I've been stuck on logistics mode for a bit." @@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ May got her arms around the skunk and murmured, "We will work it out." Ioan hesitated a moment longer before willing the bed to expand another half meter in width with a wave of intent. A second set of covers and pillows spooled themselves out onto it as well, just in case. -Ey paced back and forth a few times, shook eir head, then waved a hand again to bring into being a set of pajamas on the bed. Sleeping in eir usual dress of a pair of boxers didn't seem quite appropriate at the moment. +Ey paced back and forth a few times, shook eir head, then waved a hand again to bring a set of pajamas into being on the bed. Sleeping in eir usual dress of a pair of boxers didn't seem quite appropriate at the moment. May blinked down at the clothes, giggled quietly, and shook her head. *"You are such a nerd,"* she subvocalized through a sensorium message so as not to disturb True Name. *"It is a good idea, but you are a total nerd."* @@ -60,13 +60,13 @@ Ey shrugged helplessly, gathered up the loose lounge pants and shirt to go chang *"I have no clue how tired I even am,"* ey subvocalized once ey returned. *"Or if I'll even be able to sleep here."* -*"If you need to sneak off to sleep in a real bed, you can."* +*"If you need to sneak off to sleep in our bed, you can."* *"I'm* also *unwilling to sleep without you, so..."* Her expression softened. She tilted her muzzle down to whisper something to True Name, and when she received a nod in response, she signed *okay* and patted the bed to invite em up. -Ey nodded and climbed onto the (now much larger) bed so ey could settle down beside May in the nook of pillows. Getting eir arm around her shoulders, ey let her rest her head on eir shoulder. It was a little awkward, with True Name still slouched against her side, but it worked well enough. +Ey nodded and climbed onto the (now much larger) bed so ey could settle down beside May in the nook of pillows. Getting eir arm around her, ey let her rest her head on eir shoulder. It was a little awkward, with True Name still slouched against her side, but it worked well enough. *"I'm surprised she's so...physical,"* ey sent. @@ -90,9 +90,9 @@ The skunk lifted her snout to tuck it up under eir chin. "You two...are disgusting," True Name mumbled. "Keep it up." -May laughed and tightened her grip around True Name briefly. "Hush, you. We will work on going to bed soon. I hope that you can get some sleep." +May laughed and tightened her grip around her briefly. "Hush, you. We will work on going to bed soon. I hope that you can get some sleep." -She shrugged noncommittally. +She only shrugged. "Well, either way, I will let you keep the corner nest and be right here. Ioan can take the outside." @@ -100,19 +100,19 @@ She shrugged noncommittally. May frowned. "I am keeping myself close to you." -"I kid. I have not...even gotten there, yet," True Name said, slowly pushing herself up once more and frowning at just how far away the glass of water was. Ioan leaned forward to grab it for her. She drank carefully. "But if it...keeps awkwardness down...that is good, too." +"I kid. I have not...even gotten there, yet," True Name said, slowly pushing herself up once more and frowning at just how far away the glass of water was. Ioan leaned forward to grab it for her. She drank carefully. "But if it...also keeps awkwardness down...that is good, too." -Ioan accepted the glass from True Name once she finished, re-filling it from the pitcher they'd brought in and setting it on the windowsill near the nook so that she could get to it herself. "We can talk about that later. For now, I think it'll work alright." +Ioan accepted the glass from her once she finished, re-filling it from the pitcher they'd brought in and setting it on the windowsill near the nook so that she could get to it herself. "We can talk about that later. For now, I think it'll work alright." True Name nodded and settled down into her nest of pillows. May and Ioan stayed up a little longer, chatting through sensorium messages to let True Name process in peace. Cognizant of her mention that she felt better when not thinking about boundaries, ey kept the topics light, asking about favorite things and letting her rant about plays from her past that she'd hated. -Nearly an hour later, True Name yelped and sat up, scrambling back against the wall away from them. "You know!" she shouted. "Codrin knows!" +Nearly an hour later, just as May started to nod off, True Name yelped and sat up, scrambling back against the wall away from them. "You know!" she shouted. "Codrin knows!" It took only a moment for understanding to click into place. Both ey and May sat up to give her a bit more space. -"Hush, my dear," May said, voice soothing. "It's okay. Remember Dear's letter." +"Hush, my dear," May said, voice soothing. "It is okay. Remember Dear's letter." "I...I cannot-- It is too much!" @@ -128,7 +128,7 @@ She snatched a pillow from the pile and clutched it to her chest, wide-eyed. "Wh May held up her paws disarmingly. "They keep secrets very well. They just do not keep many." -She glanced sharply at May, then said to Ioan, "Ey did not tell you the name?" +She glanced sharply at May, then said to Ioan, "Ey did not tell you the Name? No one else knows?" "No. The message was individual-eyes-only. I haven't even shown May." After a moment's thought, ey added, "But I can unlock it for you, if you want. It's in an exo I haven't looked at since." @@ -136,7 +136,7 @@ She glanced sharply at May, then said to Ioan, "Ey did not tell you the name?" Ey nodded, swept the sim of everyone but the three of them, and instructed the perisystem architecture to print out the *0 individuals swept* receipt onto a slip of foolscap, which ey handed over. -"Move back, May Then My Name," she instructed, quieter this time. When the skunk obliged, she crawled closer to em and set up a cone of silence with secure visual ACLs. She was panting and shaking, though ey was pleased to see that at least the anger that had swelled briefly had subsided once more into fear. Ey didn't think any of them were up for a shouting match. Once she'd knelt beside em, whispered, "Show me." +"Move back, May Then My Name," she instructed, quieter this time. When the skunk obliged, she crawled closer to em and set up a cone of silence with secure visual ACLs. She was panting and shaking, though ey was pleased to see that at least the anger that had swelled briefly had subsided once more into something more manageable. Ey didn't think any of them were up for a shouting match. Once she'd knelt beside em, whispered, "Show me." Ey drew the sheet out of the air, holding it up for True Name to see the fully redacted text, then unlocked it for her eyes only and handed it over. @@ -160,6 +160,8 @@ Tiredness eventually won them over, though, and, despite the room being mirrored The last thing ey remembered before falling asleep was watching the way True Name had curled to face May, the two skunks holding each others' paws once more, and thinking to emself, *This isn't how I pictured things winding up if I had somehow been able to fix things between them, but it could certainly be worse.* +----- + Waking brought confusion. Something about the inversion from their normal bed, of having fallen asleep on eir the other side than ey usually did, induced a subtle sense of vertigo at first. The pajamas were also bunched up around em strangely, adding a subtle sense of constriction. As sleep slowly seeped away, though, the feeling lessened and ey was able to relax in the warmth beneath the covers. Warmer than expected, perhaps. May was still in eir arms, as expected, but the position felt off with the addition of a second warm bulk. @@ -168,7 +170,7 @@ Ey tried to puzzle it out through the fog of doziness that still surrounded him. At some point in the night, True Name had apparently rolled over and wound up curled in May's arms, much as she was curled in eirs, and with with eir arm resting atop May's, ey was left hugging two skunks. -Ey lay there for a while, trying to piece together eir feelings on the situation. As far as ey could remember, in eir still sleep-addled state, ey'd never been this close to True Name before. There had been the occasional casual touch, a few touches out of necessity --- grabbing eir hand to get away from Guōweī, lifting her after End Waking's merge --- but even going back to when ey'd first met her, there'd been very little touch. It made sense, given her personality, and yet here she was, all cuddled up with the two of them. If nothing else, ey should probably decide whether or not to extricate eir arm from the situation to ease that awkwardness. +Ey lay there for a while, groggily trying to piece together eir thoughts on the situation. As far as ey could remember, in eir still sleep-addled state, ey'd never been this close to True Name before. There had been the occasional casual touch, a few touches out of necessity --- grabbing eir hand to get away from Guōweī, lifting her after End Waking's merge --- but even going back to when ey'd first met her, there'd been very little touch. It made sense, given her personality, and yet here she was, all cuddled up with the two of them. If nothing else, ey should probably decide whether or not to extricate eir arm from the situation to ease that awkwardness. Ah well, ey was probably worrying too much about this, just laying there and ruminating. @@ -190,7 +192,7 @@ Eir mind raced as ey tried to figure out how best to explain what ey'd been cycl Ey hid the heat rising to eir cheeks by burying eir face in May's fur. *"Right, sorry. You're okay there. I'm just being awkward."* -Ey felt True Name relax. *"We both are. It is comforting and awkward in equal measure. One third of me is very happy to be held, one third would really rather not be touched, and one third is simply not at all used to it. I am of three minds."* +Ey felt True Name relax. *"We both are. It is comforting and awkward in equal measure. One third of me is very happy to be held, one third would really rather not be touched, and one third is simply confused. I am of three minds."* *"Have you finished merging, then?"* @@ -214,7 +216,7 @@ True Name sat up and scrubbed at her face with her paws, wiping the grit of slee Stifling a laugh, ey rolled eir eyes. *"Blame May."* -*"Way ahead of you, dear,"* she sent as she crawled out of bed. *"I will make coffee and then I will need some alone time on the plain. I will ensure there is enough coffee for all."* +*"Way ahead of you, dear,"* she sent as she crawled out of bed. *"I will make coffee and then I will need some alone time on the plain. I will ensure there is enough for all."* There was a quiet clattering from the kitchen, mugs being shifted about and the coffee pot being set in place, doubtless another instance of her making enough noise to let them know what she was up to. @@ -224,17 +226,17 @@ Ioan nodded, placing a kiss atop her head. "She said she rolled over against you "Sorry, Ioan." -"It's fine by me," ey said, chuckling. "She and I talked about it a bit before you woke up. She's confused about it, but seemed like she needed it." +"It's fine by me, I slept through most of it," ey said, chuckling. "She and I talked about it a bit before you woke up. She's confused about it, but seemed like she needed it." "She is learning my wicked ways," she mumbled against eir front. "I am happy to hear that it was helpful and that you are okay with it, though." "Mmhm. How about you?" -May yawned again before poking her nose up against eir chin. "I do not know. I slept through it, apparently. It fits with what I said earlier, though. I am pleased to care for those around me." +May yawned again before poking her nose up against eir chin. "I do not know. I slept through it, too, apparently. It fits with what I said earlier, though. I am pleased to care for those around me." "She also called us disgusting again." -"That is because we are, my dear. Is that her making coffee?" +"That is because we are. Is that her making coffee?" Ey nodded, nudging her snout with eir chin. @@ -246,7 +248,7 @@ A few minutes later, True Name returned, carrying three mugs of coffee. Ioan and May nodded. -"I was wondering if you didn't know about...all that before tonight, honestly," Ioan said. +"I was wondering if you didn't know about...all that before last night, honestly," Ioan said. "I have been fed bad and incomplete information for years now. I had not suspected just to what extent. I am still frightened, if I am honest, but I will trust you two on this. It is complicated, and bound up in emotions I do not understand, but I will trust you." She shook her head. "But I cannot speak of it any more right now." @@ -290,7 +292,7 @@ She made a setting aside gesture, stepping back to the previous topic. "Did that "Not particularly, no. It just felt like me being awkward, more than anything." -"That is good, then." She finished her coffee and waved the mug away. "I do not know how to feel about it, myself, because I do not know what she will be like when she has finished incorporating the merge. She is fractured enough now that I will forgive much that I might not otherwise." +"That is good, then." She finished her coffee and waved the mug away. "I do not know how to feel about it, myself, because I do not know what she will be like when she has finished incorporating the merge. She is not yet settled enough that I will forgive much that I might not otherwise." "It's not like she was hitting on me or anything," ey said, laughing. @@ -306,7 +308,7 @@ Ioan tilted eir head. "How do you mean?" "Well, no," ey hazarded. "But I don't know just how, yet." -"Me either. +"Me either." They reconvened over a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon with toast. @@ -322,7 +324,7 @@ True Name shook her head. "It is okay. It was, yes. It was fulfilling. I felt ho May, having subsided, finished her bite of toast before asking, "Did you have hope for happiness with just End Waking's merge?" -"No. Not at all." She reached out a paw to give one of May's a squeeze, adding quickly, "Again, I understand --- now more than ever --- why you did what you did, and I do approve of it in light of what is happening with Jonas, but it was an uncomfortable duality in comparison to this comfortable plurality and one may perhaps hope that I settle into a new singularity." +"No. Not at all." She reached out a paw to give one of May's a squeeze, adding quickly, "Again, I understand --- now more than ever --- why you did what you did, and I do approve of it in light of what is happening with Jonas, but it was an uncomfortable duality in comparison to this more comfortable plurality and I may yet settle into a new singularity. I do not know." May smiled gratefully, returning that squeeze. @@ -330,13 +332,13 @@ May smiled gratefully, returning that squeeze. "I am very happy to hear that," May said. "Not least of which because you seem to be building a new self rather than simply a raw combination of us." -True Name nodded, finished her plate before setting it aside. "Thank you for breakfast, dear. Your secrets are safe for another day-- ow!" +True Name nodded, finished her plate before setting it aside. "Thank you for breakfast, May Then My Name. Your secrets are safe for another day-- ow!" "Your high station does not preclude you from being kicked, my dear," May said sweetly. "You deserved that." The skunk preened. -Ioan watched the exchange, grinning. Beyond just what she'd said, ey could read relief in May's features. That resentment towards her down-tree instance had never quite gone away, ey knew, and, on some level, it likely never would. Still, that True Name was, as the skunks had said, rebuilding herself a new person seemed to have brought out a new sense of friendliness within eir partner that had been lacking to that point. +Ioan watched the exchange, grinning. Beyond just what she'd said, ey could read relief in May's features. That resentment towards her down-tree instance had never quite gone away, ey knew, and, on some level, it likely never would. Still, that True Name was, as the skunks had said, rebuilding herself into a new person seemed to have brought out a new sense of friendliness within eir partner that had been lacking to that point. Ey wondered if she would go through a reevaluation of who True Name had been before, much as ey had. It was certainly enough that she felt more positive, but ey --- em and Codrin#Castor, perhaps --- seemed to have dropped much of that resentment that had lingered in May and so many others, though whether that was due to a difference in temperament or the relatively short time they'd known the skunk in comparison, ey couldn't tell. @@ -344,7 +346,7 @@ Ey wondered if she would go through a reevaluation of who True Name had been bef She whispered back, "Perhaps the centuries are catching up to em. Is this how the Bălans crack? Should we warn Dear?" -"Are all skunks such brats?" Ey smirked. +"Are all skunks such pests?" Ey smirked. They laughed.