makyo
/
zk
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Projects Releases Wiki Activity

update from sparkleup

This commit is contained in:
Madison Scott-Clary 2021-07-10 12:30:05 -07:00
parent b8c59293ce
commit e76381dada
1 changed files with 21 additions and 0 deletions
Show Stats Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

21
writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/beats/06-bone-town.md
View File

@ -86,4 +86,25 @@ It all feels a little silly, being anxious and horny. I'm in my 30s, for goodnes
-----
I have packed all I think I will need. Laptop in case of emergency appointments, books, steno pads, toiletries. I have clothes enough for a week, including my blazer and slacks for when nicer clothing is required. Kay did not specify the dress code for the concerts, but better safe than sorry. Also, perhaps we can head out to a nicer place to eat one night.
Here are at least some of the things I've thought of as ideas for stuff to do, so that I can at least have them written down somewhere:
* Concert --- Kay obviously already requested this.
* Movie? I don't know what's out at the moment.
* Nice dinner. Boise has to have a good place we can go.
* Hiking. This will probably depend on whether we can find some way to get to a trail when neither of us drive. The maps shows a small nature reserve that's just on the edge of town. I imagine that will be fairly accessible.
* Bookstore. This may be more for me than her. I do not need any more books, but that will never stop me from browsing.
I think that this will at least give us a good number of options, and we can play the rest by ear. Even if we wind up doing what we do on the regular, just showing each other videos or watching movies together, only co-located rather than over the 'net, I will be happy. I stand by what I wrote before, that just being together, even if that's 'being bored together', is quite enough to look forward to on its own.
It's weird, though. I find myself tiptoeing around these different ideas of what to do while I'm out there, thinking things like, "Is this a thing that just friends do? Is it weird for friends to suggest going to a nicer restaurant?" They are all lies. They are all protective actions. They are all me guarding my soft underbelly to keep from exposing my feelings to Kay. Of course friends go to nice restaurants together. Of course that's a thing that friends do. And even beyond that, trying to hide the fact that I desire more than friendship, at least on some level, is doing neither of us any favors.
I am such a coward. Lord, give me the strength to be honest for once in my life. I know that the petty request of a petty coyote is far outside Your purview. What worth is an intercessionary prayer for something so trivial? I am responsible for my own growth, it's my own failing here.
I never did decide whether or not I would be talking about my feelings with her while I'm out there, and I never did message Jeremy back.
I can tell I am just going to keep fretting around in circles if I focus any more on this. It is so easy to find some way to fractally manage expectations, to forever refine what goes into making a plan, to find ever more layers of meaning in an action, and I will (apparently) do that for hours on end, so I am going to set all of this aside and go for one last walk before bed in an attempt to wear myself out. The bus leaves early tomorrow.