From ebd81269f414ec4af5bbb44d4ffd2018eab3bcba Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2022 18:55:07 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md | 20 ++++++++++---------- 1 file changed, 10 insertions(+), 10 deletions(-) diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md index 37b34bb9..f2bf82a2 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md @@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ She shrugged. "A little, perhaps. Unnerving dreams, unnerving memories coming to "Hopefully that lessens over time." -"It should, yes. It is already less than it was yesterday afternoon." She shook her head. "But I am sure you are tired of that topic after the last few days. How about you, my dear? Did you sleep well?" +"It should, yes. It is already less overwhelming than it was yesterday afternoon." She shook her head. "But I am sure you are tired of that topic after the last few days. How about you, my dear? Did you sleep well?" "Well enough, I guess. I certainly needed it." @@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ Ioan snorted and shook eir head. "I just got up, too, May. I've barely had a sip "It is on the counter, May Then My Name. I promise I did not leave you out." -The skunk mumbled her thanks and retrieved her mug, cradling it close to her chest. +The skunk mumbled her thanks and retrieved her mug, lapping groggily. As if on some hidden signal, they moved to the dining table to drink their coffees, all apparently too tired to do much else. @@ -74,15 +74,15 @@ Ey stayed quiet. Ey wasn't sure how much to push or back off, whether or not the Realizing the sensitive nature of the question, ey held up eir hands. "Sorry, I asked that without thinking. I was wondering if you wanted a partner, even if you felt your image wouldn't allow that." -Another long silence followed before she spoke again. "Had you asked me that prior to the merge, I do not think I would have been comfortable answering, but in the context of the memories I now share of Debarre, I think that has changed into a solid 'I do not know'. I do not know if I wanted a partner, because it was more important for me to think about maintaining my image than it was for me to think about love on some subconscious level." +Another long silence followed before she spoke again. "Had you asked me that prior to the merge, I do not think I would have been comfortable answering, but in the context of the memories I now share of Debarre, I think that has changed into a solid 'I do not know'. I do not know if I wanted a partner, because it was more important for me to think about maintaining my image than it was for me to think about love, on some subconscious level." Ey finished eir coffee and toyed with the empty mug, rotating it first this way and then that on the table while ey thought. Eventually, the two skunks fell into quiet, polite conversation, talking about something ey was too distracted to care about. They both agreed to more coffee, so ey tasked emself with making another pot, hoping that breaking out of the context would give em more room to think. -That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May. Ey did not have an image to maintain, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Neither True Name nor em always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something --- May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name --- suddenly forced the issue. +That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May. Ey did not have an image to maintain, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Ey and True Name always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something --- May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name --- suddenly forced the issue. -Ey didn't know why, what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged firmly in place. Ey couldn't think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A need to force her to experience her own resentment? A desire to help her become a better person? A fit of pique? +Ey didn't know what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged firmly in place. Ey couldn't think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A need to force her to experience her own resentment? Or to feel that desire? A desire to help her become a better person? A fit of pique? It made no sense, and yet this sudden image of True Name as the type of person who might have a relationship, who now had decades of memories of dating Debarre in the form of End Waking seemed to have set off a runaway train of thought. @@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ The rest seemed to fall back to True Name, though, who, after coffee, had sagged Ey joined her, despite all of the distractions whirling around in eir head. Ey couldn't sort any of them out now, but the least ey could do was comfort eir partner. -*All that crying these last few days, I wouldn't be surprised if she'll overflow soon,* ey thought while petting over her ears. *And who knows how that'll work with True Name.* +*All that crying these last few days, I wouldn't be surprised if she overflows soon,* ey thought while petting over her ears. *And who knows how that'll work with True Name.* A simple dinner of pasta was shared with more polite conversation, and then they broke off to their own spaces again, True Name requesting the location tag for Arrowhead Lake so that she could go for a walk "somewhere with fewer right-angles". @@ -114,7 +114,7 @@ The skunk paused in the middle of tugging off her shirt, leaving just her snout- They both finished undressing and climbed into bed, em settling back and her with her head on eir chest. -"Okay. Why do you ask, my dear?" +"Okay. Now. Why do you ask, my dear?" "I'm not actually sure. Maybe a little because you had a hand in End Waking merging down, but I think mostly the talk this morning about Debarre and, uh...Zacharias, was it?" @@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ She nodded. "Yeah." -They lay in silence for a bit. Ey didn't know what May was thinking about, but ey kept cycling over just how much ey and eir partner had shared over the last few months alone, all those little bits of affection and physicality when True Name had expressed on more than one occasion that such wasn't for her, all the private conversations they'd shared with the understanding that they'd remain such. +They lay in silence for a bit. Ey didn't know what May was thinking about, but ey kept cycling over just how much ey and eir partner had shared over the last few months alone, all those little bits of affection and physicality when True Name had expressed on more than one occasion that such simply wasn't for her, all the private conversations they'd shared with the understanding that they'd remain such. "I will admit that I have been thinking about it," she said, then lifted her snout to dot her nose on the underside eir chin. "But after the last few days and coming to terms with what that would actually mean for her, I am feeling much more cautious about the prospect." @@ -148,10 +148,10 @@ They settled in for sleep, letting the topic drop and trusting that there would "Ioan?" -"Mm?" Ey'd nearly dozed off, and could even still feel sleep tugging at em. +"Mm?" Ey'd nearly dozed off, and sleep was still tugging at em. "I love you. You know that, right?" "'Course I do. I love you too, May." -That, at least, made for pleasant dreams. +That, at least, was a pleasant note to fall asleep to, one made for pleasant dreams.