update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/remote/codrin/001.md

@@ -22,17 +22,17 @@ Rather than eyes, there was a mirrored panel of black, looking more mercury than
 
 *Well, this will be interesting.*
 
-To their right, a being of similar shape stood on two legs, though they were far smaller, coming up only to Codrin's chin. The longer ey looked, however, the more those similarities began to fall away. Yes, it stood on two powerful legs; yes, its body was canted forward and kept on balance with a thick tail; yes, it had an elongated snout.
+To their right, a being of similar shape stood on two legs, though they were far smaller, coming up only to Codrin's chin. The longer ey looked, however, the more those similarities began to fall away. Yes, they stood on two powerful legs; yes, their body was canted forward and kept on balance with a thick tail; yes, they had an elongated snout.
 
-However, rather than that supple plastic, it was coated in a scaly hide, washed in oil-sheen colors. Where the firstrace representatives had little in the way of facial features, though, Stolon almost seemed to have a surfeit. Their eyes were bright and curious, their mouth seemingly ready to a smile --- or some other expression, ey reminded emself, as what appeared to be a smile to humans may not be so to thirdrace. They did not have hair, as made sense for a lizard of some sort, but they did have a crest of what appeared to be feathers of a sort, or perhaps massively elongated scales.
+However, rather than that supple plastic, they were coated in a scaly hide, washed in oil-sheen colors. Where the firstrace representatives had little in the way of facial features, though, Stolon almost seemed to have a surfeit. Their eyes were bright and curious, their mouth seemingly ready to a smile --- or some other expression, ey reminded emself, as what appeared to be a smile to humans may not be so to thirdrace. They did not have hair, as made sense for a lizard of some sort, but they did have a crest of what appeared to be feathers of a sort, or perhaps massively elongated scales.
 
-Beside Stolon and standing a head shorter than even them was a creature that reminded em so much of Debarre that ey did a double-take. The resemblance was uncanny: a svelte coat of brown fur with a creamier white starting beneath the chin and heading down over their front --- or at least, ey assumed it continued beneath the thin, blue tunic they were wearing --- and a black-tipped tail behind. Plenty of whiskers, dark eyes.
+Beside Stolon and standing a head shorter than even them was a creature that reminded em so much of Debarre that ey was caught off-guard. The resemblance was uncanny: a svelte coat of brown fur with a creamier white starting beneath the chin and heading down over their front --- or at least, ey assumed it continued beneath the thin, blue tunic they were wearing --- and a black-tipped tail behind. Plenty of whiskers, dark eyes.
 
-The last of the Artemisians, Artante Diria, looked almost-but-not-quite human. Her features seemed far smoother, with a nose that melted into her face and earlobes that ramped smoothly down into her neck below. Beyond that, however, the differences were negligible. She could easily get lost in a crowd of humans with no problem whatsoever, another face of Asian descent, perhaps. She even wore a blue tunic and sarong of nearly identical cut to what ey had worn for so long.
+The last of the Artemisians, Artante Diria, looked almost-but-not-quite human. Her features seemed far smoother, with a nose that melted into her face and earlobes that ramped smoothly down into her neck below. Beyond that, however, the differences were negligible. She could easily get lost in a crowd of humans with no problem whatsoever, another face of Asian descent, perhaps. She even wore a blue tunic and sarong of nearly identical cut to what ey wore so often.
 
-All five of stood still, expectantly.
+All five of stood still, expectant.
 
-No, not still. Frozen. They stood frozen before the party of emissaries, unmoving. Nothing was moving. The air was still, the light seemed frozen, and even the noise seem to wash over em in strange, coarse waves.
+No, not still. Frozen. They stood frozen before the party of emissaries, unmoving. Nothing was moving. The air was still, the light seemed frozen, and it was eerily silent.
 
 Frowning, ey looked beside em at eir own cohort, and much the same held true. There, at least, there was a hint of movement: Sarah was turning slowly to face a noise to her left, over towards where Why Ask Questions was standing. The movement, however, was more than just slow. It was syrupy. It was thick. It was out of phase with em.
 
@@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ Ey nodded. "She looks scared. Frightened, or something."
 
 "Frightened, *anem*, the correct word. Both representative Why Ask Questions and leader True Name are frightened. They are un-whole. They are in pain. Leader True Name is hiding-obscuring it better. Why?"
 
-Something about this discursive, almost lazy form of questioning made Codrin feel as though ey would be late for something. Ey wanted to urge Turun Ko to get them back to common time. *That's silly, though,* ey thought. *We have all the time we need, if hardly any is passing out there, if 'out there' is even the right term.*
+Something about this discursive, almost lazy form of questioning made Codrin feel as though ey would be late. Ey wanted to urge Turun Ko to get them back to common time. *That's silly, though,* ey thought. *We have all the time we need, if hardly any is passing out there. If 'out there' is even the right term.*
 
 Ey said, "I only have a guess as explained by one of their cocladists, that--"
 
@@ -150,6 +150,6 @@ Tycho blinked, looked nonplussed for a moment, then seemed to Codrin to start br
 
 "This is...strange. Very strange," he said, looking around, back over to where Sarah appeared frozen in the act of sitting on the edge of her bed.
 
-"It really is. Still, this will give you enough privacy to speak freely."
+"It really is. Still, this will give you enough privacy to speak freely, I believe."
 
-He looked back toward the door, worry painted on his face, and nodded. "I don't think that was Why Ask Questions. That was Answers Will Not Help."
+He looked back toward the door, worry painted on his face, and nodded. "I'm not totally sure how I know, but I don't think that was Why Ask Questions. That was Answers Will Not Help."