update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/009.md

@@ -1,28 +1,28 @@
 # Ioan Bălan --- 2350
 
-True Name, having gathered her wits about her at least enough to trudge out of the lake and fork herself dry, requested directions to somewhere she could think alone. Ioan directed her down the path toward the rock, explaining that it'd be far enough away that they wouldn't hear each other, but that she'd still be able to see them at the entry point if anything happened.
+True Name, having gathered her wits about her at least enough to trudge out of the lake and fork herself dry, requested directions to somewhere she could think alone. Ioan directed her down the path toward the rock, explaining that it'd be far enough away that they wouldn't hear each other if she didn't want a cone of silence, but that she'd still be able to see them at the entry point if anything happened.
 
-"I need to think. No one from the stanza is replying, and I do not want to speak to Jonas," she explained, then smiled tiredly. "Or perhaps I just need to sulk. I will return in an hour."
+"I need to think. No one from the stanza is replying, and I do not want to speak to Jonas," she explained, then rubbed her paws over her face. "Or perhaps I just need to sulk. I will return in an hour."
 
-She bowed to em and May then walked off down the path, head bowed.
+She bowed to em and May then trudged off down the path, head bowed.
 
-May stood, glaring at her down-tree instance with her paws bunched into fists and ears splayed, then whirled on Ioan, waving a cone of silence into being.
+May glared after her down-tree instance with her paws bunched into fists and ears splayed, then whirled on Ioan, waving a cone of silence into being.
 
 "Ioan, I am not at all happy," she said, voice frigid. "I know that none of this is your fault except inasmuch as you have been meeting her for coffee, but I am having a hard time keeping my anger to myself."
 
-Ey took a long breath, scrubbed eir hands over eir face, and paced in an abbreviated line before her. "I know, May, I don't blame you. I'm completely baffled."
+Ey took a long breath, scrubbed eir hands over eir face, and paced in an abbreviated line before her. "I know, May, I don't blame you. I'm completely baffled. Go ahead."
 
-"I spend two hundred fucking years trying to get away from that life, from all of her fucking schemes," she said, voice quickly rising in volume. "And then I spend the last three trying to calm down so that I quit burning up whenever I so much as think about her, and now this. Look at us! Hiding at a lake from assassins. *Assassins!*"
+"I spend two hundred fucking years trying to get away from that life, from all of her fucking schemes," she said, voice quickly rising in volume. "And then I spend the last three trying to calm down so that I quit burning up whenever I so much as think about her, and now this. Look at us! Hiding in the woods from assassins. *Assassins!*"
 
-Ey averted eir gaze from her. Nothing ey could say would help, and ey knew ey knew some remote part of emself was feeling much of what she was feeling, too.
+Ey averted eir gaze from her. Nothing ey could say would help, and ey knew ey knew some remote part of emself was feeling much of what she was, too.
 
-"Her and *fucking* Jonas are still doing whatever the fuck it is that they do, and now they are doing it to each other. Every time I think I can just settle down with you and get away from that, it just seeps right back in. I know that you were trying to do right by us, meeting up with her, but I really, *really* wish you had not."
+"Her and fucking Jonas are still doing whatever the fuck it is that they do, and now they are doing it to each other. Every time I think I can just settle down with you and get away from that, it just seeps right back in. I know that you were trying to do right by us, meeting up with her, but I really, *really* wish you had not."
 
 "May, I--"
 
 "At least tell me what happened there."
 
-"Right. We met up as usual. She was looking pretty terrible, and when pressed on it, she said she was struggling and wasn't comfortable elaborating. When asked about Secession day, she said she and Jonas were going to have, in his words, a gathering. She said her instances were going to merge down for this and that one of them said he was looking for her. She kept getting anxious and looking around at everyone there, and then jumped up, I guess when merges stopped coming. Guōweī came in form back and we stepped home and grabbed you."
+"Right. We met up as usual. She was looking pretty terrible, and when pressed on it, she said she was struggling and wasn't comfortable elaborating. When asked about Secession day, she said she and Jonas were going to have, in his words, a gathering. She said her instances were going to merge down for this and that one of them said he was looking for her. She kept getting anxious and looking around at everyone there, and then jumped up, I guess when merges stopped coming. Guōweī came in from the back and walked right toward us, then we stepped home and grabbed you."
 
 May crossed her arms and watched em pace and talk, her expression softening, though the frown remained. "And that is it? No talk of these...what, reactionary groups?"
 
@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ Ey shook eir head. "None today, none in the past. It seems like something she'd
 
 "Yeah."
 
-"And Guōweī was still walking right for you?"
+"But Guōweī was still walking right for you?"
 
 Ey nodded.
 
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ The skunk looked down to the ground, brow furrowed. "I suppose if he knew she wa
 
 "I guess," ey said, though the words lacked conviction to eir ears. "Then she grabbed my hand and told me to go."
 
-"She grabbed--" She hesitated, then shrugged. "It makes sense, I suppose. The chance that you would head some place she and Jonas could not guess is greater than if she had chosen. Ioan, my dear, you are pacing a hole in the path."
+"She grabbed--" She hesitated, mastered a sudden swell of anger, then shrugged. "It makes sense, I suppose. The chance that you would head some place she and Jonas could not guess is greater than if she had chosen. Ioan, my dear, you are pacing a hole in the path."
 
 "Sorry, May," ey said, trying to stand still. "It's just a little nuts."
 
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ Remembering their promise to stay in sight, they walked slowly back and forth al
 
 "You're fine, May, you just had some guy chasing you around our house trying to kill you or whatever, you're allowed to be pissed."
 
-She snorted and shook her head. "He had only just arrived less than a minute before you. I imagine True Name's fork said something about being with you but not where, so they came to our place and saw someone that looked vaguely like her."
+She snorted and shook her head. "He had only just arrived less than a minute before you. I imagine True Name's fork said something about being with you but not where, so they came to our place and saw someone that looked vaguely like her. I am surprised they did not just wait for her. How eager they must be."
 
 "Makes about as much sense as any of this." Ey looked out across the lake at where the other skunk sat, head bowed. "What do we do now?"
 
@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ Ey ruffled a paw between the skunk's ears, the settled it around her shoulders.
 
 "You sure you'll be okay with that?"
 
-There was a long pause before the skunk gave in and slipped both of her arms around eir middle, burying her face against eir shoulder. "I do not know," she said, voice muffled. "I thought that I would be, was going to say that I would be, but I really do not know."
+There was a long pause before the skunk gave in and slipped both of her arms around eir middle, burying her face against eir shoulder. "I do not know," she said, voice muffled. "I thought that I would be, was going to *say* that I would be, but I really do not know."
 
 Ey rested eir chin atop her head. "Well, I don't think I'll be gone all that long, five minutes, tops, but if you need, just send a ping and I'll be right back."