update from sparkleup
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@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ Ey frowned and scuffed a heel through the grass. "I don't know, honestly. Again,
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"Does it bother you that she would have the memories, or are you worried about her having those emotions? Do you worry she'd start feeling about you the way that May Then My Name does?"
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"Well, shit," ey groaned. "I didn't even think about that. Like, we've talked about what her having memories of loving me would mean, but I didn't think about if she herself, she as True Name I mean, would pick those up as well. I have no clue. Maybe on some level I do, though. I like the way May feels about me. We've talked about jealousy a few times, and it often comes up that she feels devotion towards me, and I'm really not sure how I'd feel having that come from another, never mind one that I have as complicated a relationship with as I do with True Name."
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"Well, shit," ey groaned. "I didn't even think about that. Like, we've talked about what her having memories of loving me would mean, but always past-tense. I didn't think about if she herself, she as True Name I mean, would pick those up as well. I have no clue. Maybe on some level I do, though. I like the way May feels about me. We've talked about jealousy a few times, and it often comes up that she feels devotion towards me, and I'm really not sure how I'd feel having that come from another, never mind one that I have as complicated a relationship with as I do with True Name."
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"Does this tie in with the complicated feelings you mentioned, then?"
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@ -92,36 +92,36 @@ Ey laughed. "Right. Well, with all that's gone down, with how it felt to see her
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Ey nodded. They fell into silence as they walked while Ioan took the time to process.
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It certainly tallied, too. Even though May's overflowing had overshadowed it --- reasonably so, given their relationship --- ey'd been hit hard by True Name overflowing, as well. Seeing her struggling, upset and overwhelmed, having to claim that same solitude that End Waking did, touched on that care. The need to fix things was a symptom of confusing sense of care, ey suspected, rather than just something isolated.
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"I don't know if you were necessarily talking to me, but just in case you were, I'd agree with your assessment."
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Ey jumped at the sudden realization that ey'd been mumbling, then laughed. "Sorry, I was mumbling, wasn't I? I was trying to keep that dialogue internal, but I appreciate the confirmation."
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She smiled. "I suspected so. I'm used to it, now. So, before I continue, are you looking to work on disentangling this, some ideas for where to go next, or just talking?"
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"I wouldn't turn down an idea or two, but I've already gotten a lot out of having the chance to talk through the emotional side. There are a few others in the loop that I've been able to talk with, but that's all been about logistics, or about May and True Name rather than myself." Ey sighed, adding, "I was a mess when I first got here. Doesn't feel great to say, but I spent so much energy on them I kind of forgot to take care of myself."
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"That it doesn't feel great to say is a sign that you care deeply, so it's not a terrible sign, but you do need to take care of yourself, yes." She looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "Alright. I know you said they're both currently overflowing, but what do you think about talking with each of them about how you're feeling about this when you can?"
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"Uh, well, I mean" ey stammered. "I guess I should, yeah."
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"'Should'?"
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"Right. I'd like to, but they both feel kind of fraught. Talking with May about being friends with True Name feels fraught with how they feel about each other, or at least felt about each other. Hell, I don't know how I'd tell her I care about her, either. And I don't particularly want to be the one to broach May merging down with True Name, either. That feels like a conversation they should start as cocladists."
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"They're complicated topics, and I'm not saying you *must* talk about them, but it'll only help for the three of you to all be on the same page."
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Ey nodded.
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"You look like you're fading. Want to call it for now and then we can get in touch soon?"
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"Uh, yeah, probably," ey said. It was only just settling into evening, but the nap still had em out of sorts. "Thank you, though. This was immensely helpful. I don't think any of us are in a position at the moment to hold to a schedule, given further complicated stuff going on behind the scenes, but I'll definitely be in touch when I can and will nudge both of them to do the same."
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"Ioan."
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Ey stopped up short, winced. "Right, sorry. Not my job."
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"Thank you," she said, grinning. "I'll touch base with each of them, don't worry. One more tip before I go: take care of yourself. That whole golden rule thing applies to you, too, you know. Treat others well, but remember you still need to be treated well."
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Ey nodded, still feeling abashed from being called out. "I'll certainly try."
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It certainly tallied, too. Even though May's overflowing had overshadowed it --- reasonably so, given their relationship --- ey'd been hit hard by True Name overflowing, as well. Seeing her struggling, upset and overwhelmed, having to claim that same solitude that End Waking did, touched on that care. The need to fix things was a symptom of confusing sense of care, ey suspected, rather than just something isolated.
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"I don't know if you were necessarily talking to me, but just in case you were, I'd agree with your assessment."
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Ey jumped at the sudden realization that ey'd been mumbling, then laughed. "Sorry, I was mumbling, wasn't I? I was trying to keep that dialogue internal, but I appreciate the confirmation."
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She smiled. "I suspected so. I'm used to it, now. So, before I continue, are you looking to work on disentangling this, some ideas for where to go next, or just talking?"
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"I wouldn't turn down an idea or two, but I've already gotten a lot out of having the chance to talk through the emotional side. There are a few others in the loop that I've been able to talk with, but that's all been about logistics, or about May and True Name rather than myself." Ey sighed, adding, "I was a mess when I first got here. Doesn't feel great to say, but I spent so much energy on them I kind of forgot to take care of myself."
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"That it doesn't feel great to say is a sign that you care deeply, so it's not a terrible sign, but you do need to take care of yourself, yes." She looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "Alright. I know you said they're both currently overflowing, but what do you think about talking with each of them about how you're feeling about this when you can?"
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"Uh, well, I mean" ey stammered. "I guess I should, yeah."
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"'Should'?"
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"Right. I'd like to, but they both feel kind of fraught. Talking with May about being friends with True Name feels fraught with how they feel about each other, or at least felt about each other. Hell, I don't know how I'd tell her I care about her, either. And I don't particularly want to be the one to broach May merging down with True Name, either. That feels like a conversation they should start as cocladists."
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"They're complicated topics, and I'm not saying you *must* talk about them, but it'll only help for the three of you to all be on the same page."
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Ey nodded.
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"You look like you're fading. Want to call it for now and then we can get in touch soon?"
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"Uh, yeah, probably," ey said. It was only just settling into evening, but the nap still had em out of sorts. "Thank you, though. This was immensely helpful. I don't think any of us are in a position at the moment to hold to a schedule, given further complicated stuff going on behind the scenes, but I'll definitely be in touch when I can and will nudge both of them to do the same."
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"Ioan."
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Ey stopped up short, winced. "Right, sorry. Not my job."
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"Thank you," she said, grinning. "I'll touch base with each of them, don't worry. One more tip before I go: take care of yourself. That whole golden rule thing applies to you, too, you know. Treat others well, but remember you still need to be treated well."
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Ey nodded, still feeling abashed from being called out. "I'll certainly try."
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@ -57,7 +57,7 @@ Wherein True Name and May reconcile, and we deal with the problem of the ownersh
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* [.] CHAPTER Ioan 2350
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* [o] [Ioan's wallow 2](024) --- Now *Ioan's* struggling, crushed at both May overflowing and TN requesting her own time alone, while ey's the only one with both sides. Has at least one sensorium conversation with each.
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* [o] [May recovers](025) --- Visits, says hi etc, brings Ioan back home.
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* [ ] [May's Wallow 2]() --- May's feeling bad because she can't help, also starting to agree with Ioan: not fair to them as a couple for TN to have those memories
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* [ ] [May's Wallow 2](026) --- May's feeling bad because she can't help, also starting to agree with Ioan: not fair to them as a couple for TN to have those memories
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* [ ] [TN's wallow 2]() --- TN's really struggling when they go visit her. Zacharias is there on behalf of Jonas when they get there, we learn that Jonas used him and his 'secret' to manipulate her.
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* [ ] [Choose love: TN's offer]() --- TN comes back, few days of attempted normalcy, topic of May merging comes up, May and Ioan mention apprehensions, but TN is actually kind of for it. She needs the change, needs good as well as bad, but she'll also have memories of their apprehensions and can work with that
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* [ ] [Choose love: Ioan and May]() --- Ioan expands on this when they're alone, and they talk about how TN won't just have May's memories wholesale, she'll have a synthesis. May agrees, thinks knowing love is only ever going to be a good thing, TN also deserves that (plus memories of resentment will open things up). May's little lie about 'merging down every few years' comes up, she hasn't in nearly two centuries
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