update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/004.md

@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ Ioan half lay, half slouched against the headboard with May draped bonelessly up
 
 Ey, meanwhile, had made it through most of eir coffee, resting the cup between the skunk's shoulder blades between sips. It was technically Christmas, though neither of them cared much for the holiday, but that did mean it was the day for the *tocană* and *mămăligă* that had become tradition for them. Ey hadn't learned to cook much prior to uploading --- just a few simple dishes for a poor student --- and it wasn't until ey had wound up on the System in eir current sim that ey'd gone back to teach emself all the things ey'd loved growing up.
 
-It promised to be a lazy sort of day otherwise, which felt necessary. May's spike of anxiety when ey'd gone out for coffee a few days prior had quickly tapered off, but it had not simply gone away. The days that followed had included a lot of asking em if ey was okay and taking breaks to sit and look out the picture windows, lost in thought.
+It promised to be a lazy sort of day otherwise, which felt necessary. May's spike of anxiety when ey'd gone out for eir meeting with True Name a few days prior had quickly tapered off, but it had not simply gone away. The days that followed had included a lot of asking em if ey was okay and taking breaks to sit and look out the picture windows, lost in thought.
 
 Still, last night had been delightful, with the skunk far more relaxed while they cooked --- or tried to cook --- shitty fast food for each other. After dinner, they moved to the couch with Ioan resting eir head in May's lap so that she could tease her fingers through eir thick hair while they hummed silly little songs to each other.
 
@@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ Ey frowned when ey lifted eir mug, only to find it empty. Equally comfortable bu
 
 "That's a new one. Sounds painful."
 
-"Add it to the list," she said after she was able to get at least a few laps of coffee.
+"Add it to the list," she said after she was able to get at least a few sips in.
 
 "One day, they're going to find my dead body, clearly smothered to death, my eyebrows fully plucked, sand in my shoes, cracker crumbs in my bed, all of my pens un-capped, all of my book pages dog-eared, with skunk fur in all the food," ey said, laughing. "I'm pretty sure they'll know it was you."
 
@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ She rolled her eyes. "Thank you, I think? But yes, even bumbling is a calculated
 
 "End Waking said similar." Ey dug through eir exocortices until ey came up with the memory of the conversation, "He said it was a matter of intent."
 
-"It is, yes. I am sure that some of the wider clade who remain skunks are so without a second thought, but that is not how True Name worked, and so it is not how we work."
+"It is, yes. I am sure that some of the wider clade who remain skunks do so without a second thought, but that is not how True Name worked, and so it is not how we work."
 
 "And she did that for the same reasons? To be inoffensive?"
 
@@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ After that, they set some music to playing --- the overlap of what they both enj
 
 Or tried to, at least.
 
-Eir conversation this morning as well as eir meeting with True Name a few days prior left Ioan in mind of skunks and the Ode clade, and even though those both featured quite heavily in the stage adaptation of *On the Perils of Memory*, nothing ey tried seemed quite in the right vein.
+Their conversation this morning as well as eir meeting with True Name a few days prior left Ioan in mind of skunks and the Ode clade, and even though those both featured quite heavily in the stage adaptation of *On the Perils of Memory*, nothing ey tried seemed quite in the right vein.
 
 Ey flipped to a blank sheet of paper and began a letter, instead.
 
@@ -220,4 +220,4 @@ Ey stared at her, nonplussed.
 
 "Oh God, Ioan, you do not know pain until you work with choir kids."
 
-Ey laughed and shook eir head, leaning forward to ruffle over her ears. "You're right, I don't. I'll just have to trust you on that. Skunks are so weird."
+Ey laughed and shook eir head, leaning forward to ruffle over her ears. It was a much more pleasant response to a note from True Name than ey'd expected. "You're right, I don't. I'll just have to trust you on that. Skunks are so weird."

writing/post-self/mitzvot/005.md

@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ Debarre laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just worried about so many changes in so
 
 "How so?"
 
-"I don't know," Debarre mumbled. "I just think there's a lot of subtle things --- more like the little stuff May Then My Name talks about --- and I'm worried those will break or disappear."
+"I dunny," Debarre mumbled. "I just think there's a lot of subtle things --- more like the little stuff May Then My Name talks about --- and I'm worried those will break or disappear."
 
 End Waking hummed thoughtfully. "They have survived Secession and Launch."
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/006.md

@@ -22,7 +22,7 @@ She stuck her tongue out at him. "Am I not allowed to be a pest? That is my role
 
 "'Course you are, just that usually you're a pest with news."
 
-"Fine, fine, yes," she said. "It can wait until after coffee, though. How are you, my dear? I was not expecting you to be back just yet."
+"Fine, fine, yes," she said. "It can wait until after coffee, though. How are you, Debarre? I was not expecting you to be back just yet."
 
 "It is my fault," her cocladist said. "A tree fell on me back around--"
 
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ She brought her paws up to cover her muzzle, eyes wide.
 
 "There was a plank through your leg, E.W.," he retorted. "That wasn't just going to heal okay on its own."
 
-It was the skunk's turn to roll his eyes. "You are no fun, my dear."
+It was the skunk's turn to roll his eyes. "You are no fun."
 
 May Then My Name, having finally calmed down enough to speak, said, "Well, thank you, Debarre."
 
@@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ Debarre nodded.
 
 She sighed, smiling weakly at End Waking. "I am glad you are okay, skunk. I would be lost without you.
 
-"The trees do not know how to kill me, My Then My Name," End Waking said, frowning. "There is no virus within them. Debarre was right to get me to fork to fix, I will admit, but I would have done anyway had it landed more fully on me."
+"The trees do not know how to kill me, My Then My Name," End Waking said, frowning. "There is no virus within them. Debarre was right to get me to fork to fix, I will admit, but I would have done so anyway had it landed more fully on me."
 
 When all that greeted this was silence, he sighed and let his shoulders slump. "I am sorry. I have set up the new camp in a location with sturdier trees. I will endeavor to remain cautious."
 
@@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ He and End Waking both tilted their heads.
 
 "And you think Ioan's doing the right thing?"
 
-"Ey is. Ey is ensuring that there remains a distance between you two without it being an unbridged distance. That would just leave you to stew, knowing how you work. You would never let it go and spin yourself into a whirlwind of emotion," End Waking said. "The Bălans are perhaps a little awkward at times, but they do not lack all social graces."
+"Ey is," End Waking said. "Ey is ensuring that there remains a distance between you two without it being an unbridged distance. That would just leave you to stew, knowing how you work. You would never let it go and spin yourself into a whirlwind of emotion. The Bălans are perhaps a little awkward at times, but they do not lack all social graces."
 
 May Then My Name rubbed her paws over her face. "I knooow," she whined. "And I love em for thinking of that."
 
@@ -106,9 +106,9 @@ May Then My Name toyed with her oatmeal. "Yes. Maybe she does and just does not
 
 "Worried she's just acting?" Debarred said, blowing on a still vigorously steaming spoonful of oats.
 
-"Perhaps. That was ever the dilemma of us going into theatre. Did we love it or did we merely want to become someone else?"
+"Perhaps. That was ever the dilemma of us going into theatre. Did we love it or did we merely want to become someone else? To hide from who we were?"
 
-"Be wary of your pessimism," End Waking said calmly. "It takes attention and effort, May Then My Name, at least when one has intentionally tamped down emotions to the point that she has. If I could teach her, if either of us could teach her, I think we would, but I do not know that one can learn penance from anyone but oneself."
+"Be wary of your pessimism," End Waking said. "It takes attention and effort, May Then My Name, at least when one has intentionally tamped down emotions to the point that she has. If I could teach her, if either of us could teach her, I think we would, but I do not know that one can learn penance from anyone but oneself."
 
 She nodded, looking distracted and thoughtful. "If it were as simple as merging down..."