update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/local/codrin/004.md

@@ -4,13 +4,13 @@ Ey was not sure what ey expected out of a dinner in the middle of a clearing ben
 
 True Name greeted eir party of three with a bow when they entered the sim. "Mx. Bălan, Dear, wonderful to see you two again. Ms. Genet, a pleasure to meet you."
 
-The three bowed politely in turn. While the dark was pleasant, ey wished for at least light enough to see her expression, as well as to see Dear's. As far as ey knew, the fox hadn't seen the skunk in least two decades, not since their death day party.
+The three bowed politely in turn. 
 
 "Nice to meet you too, The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream," Sarah said.
 
 "Please, just True Name is fine, but welcome all the same. Shall we?"
 
-*"Please."* Dear sounded its usual self, Codrin was pleased to note. No sourness or anger colored its tone.
+*"Please."* Dear sounded its usual self, Codrin was pleased to note. No sourness or anger colored its tone. While the dark was pleasant, ey wished for at least light enough to see her expression, as well as to see Dear's. As far as ey knew, the fox hadn't seen the skunk in least two decades, not since their death day party.
 
 At the table, introductions were made. Tycho remained as nervous as he had before, but ey was happy to see that he had at least gotten some sleep at some point, and none of the exhaustion that had gnawed at him last they spoke was evident.
 
@@ -22,13 +22,13 @@ The fox grinned, nodded its head to her. *"I believe nigh on sixty years. You ar
 
 In the light of the candle, Codrin watched as the fox's grin faltered, and ey suspected that it was taking it a good amount of energy to maintain a pleasant façade for dinner. *"They were not able to make it, no, but they send their best."*
 
-They had not. There had even been a discussion that occasionally veered towards argument when Dear stated that it would be joining Codrin.
+They had not. There had even been a discussion that veered perilously close to an argument when Dear stated that it would be joining Codrin.
 
 "Dear, you've had nothing positive to say about True Name basically ever. Why the hell are you going to this?" they had asked toward the end.
 
-*"Because I want to learn more if I can."* It had paused, then added in a quieter voice, *"And because Codrin is going and I want to be by eir side, if only as a fork."*
+*"Because I want to learn more if I can."* It had paused, then added quietly, *"And because Codrin is going and I want to be by eir side, if only as a fork."*
 
-It's partner had sat up straighter at that and nodded. "That, at least I can understand. I love you both, is all, and I'm not comfortable with either True Name or her up-tree instance. I want you to be careful, but I suppose you're right. Put that way, having the two of you there makes me feel a little better than just Codrin."
+It's partner had wilted and nodded. "That, at least I can understand. I love you both, is all, and I'm not comfortable with either True Name or her up-tree instance. I want you to be careful, but I suppose you're right. Having the two of you there makes me feel a little better than just Codrin."
 
 Ey shook away the lingering rumination and gratefully accepted a glass of wine that Dear offered. The skunk had been pouring one for everyone, and ey supposed that wine might help make the evening flow more smoothly.
 
@@ -46,9 +46,9 @@ Sarah and Tycho shook their heads.
 
 "Just my partners and Ioan," Codrin said.
 
-True Name frowned and there was a brief pause as, ey assumed, she sent off a sensorium message to another of her clade. "Do you think that Ioan will tell anyone?"
+True Name frowned and there was a brief pause as, ey assumed, she sent off a sensorium message to another of her instances. "Do you think that Ioan will tell anyone?"
 
-Codrin shrugged. "I didn't tell em not to, but I didn't tell em to tell anyone, either. I imagine ey'll tell May Then My Name."
+Codrin shrugged. "I didn't tell em to, but I didn't tell em not to, either. I imagine ey'll tell May Then My Name."
 
 The skunk sat silent, looking down to her glass of wine. Ey couldn't quite read the emotions on her face in the flickering of the candlelight, but given eir previous conversation about True Name losing her up-tree instance to hatred, ey could guess that there was at least some anxiety behind that silence.
 
@@ -60,11 +60,11 @@ Eventually, she asked, "When did you send the message? Was it eyes only?"
 
 Ey frowned. "Should I not have?"
 
-"You were perfectly welcome to, Mx. Bălan. While I do wish that you had informed me before doing so, I understand your reasons." Her expression brightened. "But come, let us not talk about such things at table. How are you all feeling about the upcoming adventure?"
+"Oh, no, you were perfectly welcome to, Mx. Bălan. While I do wish that you had informed me before doing so, I understand your reasons." Her expression brightened. "But come, let us not talk about such things at table. How are you all feeling about the upcoming adventure?"
 
 "Scared," Tycho said with a nervous laugh. "Excited, but also scared. I worry that I caused some huge problem. I know you promised me that what I did was okay, but all the same, I worry."
 
-True Name nodded. "I understand. I harbor my own fears. We have to rely on the fact that all of the tests of the DMZ passed and that there really is no way for the border to be crossed. May Then My Name tested it quite thoroughly, too."
+True Name nodded. "I understand. I harbor my own fears. We have to rely on the fact that all of the tests of the DMZ passed and that there really is no way for the border to be crossed. May Then My Name tested it quite thoroughly, though."
 
 "Yeah, if you say so. From what Tycho#Artemis sent me, it sounds like it'll be a trade, too."
 
@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ True Name nodded. "I understand. I harbor my own fears. We have to rely on the f
 
 "Why, do you think?"
 
-The Odist laughed. "No fucking clue. My guess is that it is a hedge, that they are wanting to meet with on both spaces so that we can see what their lives are like while we see what theirs are like, but also it gives them a chance ensure that we still meet on territory that they control, just in case we decide to murder all of them when they arrive."
+The Odist laughed. "No clue. My guess is that it is a hedge, that they are wanting to meet with on both spaces so that we can see what their lives are like while we see what theirs are like, but also it gives them a chance ensure that we still meet on territory that they control, just in case we decide to murder all of them when they arrive."
 
 "Is that something we're worried about, too?" Tycho asked.
 
@@ -118,7 +118,7 @@ Ey fiddled with eir wine glass in eir free hand as ey thought. "I think because
 
 Ey grinned. "That too, yeah."
 
-True Name raised her glass. "I will drink to that, Mx. Bălan. I will admit to feeling some of the same trepidation around not having a frame of reference. We are limited to a few letters and a language primer. I do not know what to expect, and that is, as I am sure you can imagine, a somewhat frightening idea for someone such as I."
+True Name raised her glass. "I will drink to that, Mx. Bălan. I will admit to feeling some of the same trepidation around not having a frame of reference. We are limited to a few letters and a language primer. I do not know what to expect, and that is, as I am sure you can imagine, a somewhat frightening idea for someone such as me."
 
 Ey raised eir glass and smiled warily, returning the subtle squeeze that Dear gave eir hand. Ey was thankful for the dim light of the candle, which let em make out the features of the two Odists sitting across from em, but not a whole lot more; ey could only hope that the same was true for them.
 
@@ -148,6 +148,6 @@ They all laughed once again, raising their cups toward the single flame in the c
 
 "Please, eat! Enjoy. I did not make it, but you may pretend I did if you would like to bolster my ego."
 
-The self-deprecating comment was delivered so easily that Codrin found emself grinning even before realising it.
+The self-deprecating comment was delivered so easily that Codrin found emself laughing even before realising it.
 
 "No more shop talk until dessert," Why Ask Questions added. "Or I will have Tycho bounce you from the sim. There is lasagna, and I will not have you spoiling that."

writing/post-self/neviim/local/tycho/004.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 # Tycho Brahe#Artemis --- 2346
 
-Despite the exhaustion that had come down on him like a hammer, Tycho found it incredibly hard to get to sleep. It weighed him down like stones on his chest, even as he lay in the bed that True Name led him too, but even then, he lay there in the dark, staring up at the ceiling with eyes that burned.
+Despite the exhaustion that had come down on him like a hammer, Tycho found it difficult to get to sleep. It weighed him down like stones on his chest, even as he lay in the bed that True Name led him too, and still he lay there in the dark, staring up at the ceiling with eyes that burned.
 
 He did not know how long it took him to actually fall asleep, but when next he woke, ten hours had passed, and dreams of Artemisians clung to him still. They were always just out of sight, and their conversations were just slightly below the level that he could hear them, and yet, he knew it to be them. Knew they were there, just around the corner. Knew that, above all else, he wanted to meet them.
 
@@ -38,11 +38,11 @@ As if on command, Answers Will Not Help appeared before them, followed shortly b
 
 The woman grinned to him, then gestured to each of the new guests in turn. "Sovanna Soun is a sys-side Ansible tech, who will be working on that part, and--"
 
-Tycho was already leaning forward to shake the hand of the other guest, a slight gentleman who looked every one of his seventy years. "Dr. Verda, wonderful to see you again."
+Tycho was already leaning forward to shake the hand of the other guest, a slight gentleman who looked every one of the seventy years he had been prior to uploading. "Dr. Verda, wonderful to see you again."
 
 "You two know each other, then?"
 
-Tycho laughed, nodded. "Paolo was one of my teachers, yes."
+Tycho laughed, nodded. "Paolo was one of my professors, yes."
 
 "Well, what do you know," Answers Will Not Help said, laughing. "Right, then. If the three of you will follow me?"
 
@@ -88,11 +88,13 @@ Eyes wide and hand holding onto her shoulder where the pen had struck, Sovanna s
 
 The three nodded together, silent.
 
-"Excellent. One second, then."
+"Excellent. One moment, then."
 
-After a moment of stillness, the three walls of the room that did not contain the door quickly expanded outward, leaving a road, open room. Fourteen desks sprouted from the floor,  divided into a group of ten and two groups of two.
+The three walls of the room that did not contain the door quickly expanded outward, leaving a road, open room. Fourteen desks sprouted from the floor,  divided into a group of ten and two groups of two.
 
-"Cubicle walls?" When Sovanna shook her head and Dr. Verda nodded, both pods of two sprouted cubicle walls around them. With a final flourish of a bow, Answers Will Not Help welcomed them into the room. Above the pod of ten hung a sign that read 'Ansible', and the two pods were labeled 'Astro' and 'Admin' in turn.
+"Cubicle walls?"
+
+When Sovanna shook her head and Dr. Verda nodded, both pods of two sprouted cubicle walls around them. With a final flourish of a bow, Answers Will Not Help welcomed them into the room. Above the pod of ten hung a sign that read 'Ansible', and the two pods were labeled 'Astro' and 'Admin' in turn.
 
 It was all quite skillfully done, but Tycho still felt a slight pang in his chest. It was generally considered unethical for public sims to violate Euclidean space, but private sims were beholden only to the holders of the ACLs. This room would occupy at least one office on either side, if not more.