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date: 2019-09-25
weight: 4
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> Do you enjoy vanilla sex, then?

Perhaps. I suppose I must. So much of what I did for so long, online and off, was vanilla. Even now, much of it is.

> Yet "sneps are for abusing".

Yes.

> Why?

I enjoy vanilla sex. It feels good. All this kink, though, helps me grow. It's exposure therapy.

It was exposure therapy when a TS partner on Taps laughed in my face as he raped me and left me to clean myself up. It is exposure therapy because I can say no, because I can enjoy being tied up now.

It was exposure therapy when I was ordered to describe what I wanted in lurid detail. It's exposure therapy because I can talk about sex now.

It was exposure therapy when I entered into a few master/pet relationships. It's exposure therapy because at some point I was able to handle a power-dynamic in my relationships.

It was exposure therapy when I spent scene after scene toying with fertility. It's exposure therapy because at some point I was able to deal with the idea of not being cis, of motherhood being unattainable.

It was exposure therapy when I made my character a pudgy nerd and still able to engage with her sexually. It's exposure therapy because I've been able to come to terms with my body.

> It's exposure therapy because at some point, you started enjoying sex --- or at least enjoying it more --- and the thought of sharing that with someone.

Yes.