%title Shanerak %date 2008-05-27 03:46:57 :diary:livejournal:fossils: Really sort of torn up about all this, and I can feel all sorts of defense mechanisms rising to the fight without my approval :| Hopefully I'll get over it by tomorrow.
Read more... (7:35:52 PM) Drab Makyo: Dook. (7:35:57 PM) Shanerak: yap (7:36:03 PM) Drab Makyo: How's it going? (7:36:08 PM) Shanerak: not bad (7:36:10 PM) Shanerak: you? (7:36:52 PM) Drab Makyo: Alright, I guess. Just walked the dog and whatnot. Kinda bored now. (7:36:57 PM) Shanerak: ah (7:37:04 PM) Shanerak: same here, just sittin (7:38:20 PM) Drab Makyo: Nice. Got the day off? (7:38:35 PM) Shanerak: no, lol (7:38:38 PM) Shanerak: i was at work today (7:38:45 PM) Drab Makyo: Oh, haha, oops. Alright :o) (7:39:57 PM) Shanerak: yeah (7:40:04 PM) Shanerak: i found the normal verson of schwienne (7:40:05 PM) Shanerak: lol (7:40:19 PM) Drab Makyo: Oh, awesome :3 The video, or just the song? (7:41:25 PM) Shanerak: the song (7:42:25 PM) Drab Makyo: http://youtube.com/watch?v=2kDbGdoDXE4 (7:43:27 PM) Shanerak: oh that (7:43:30 PM) Shanerak: haha yeah ive seen that (7:43:37 PM) Drab Makyo: Hehe, alright :o) (7:45:38 PM) Shanerak: weird video (7:53:24 PM) Shanerak: tired :| (7:53:35 PM) Shanerak: started using my old ass aim name on irc (7:53:37 PM) Shanerak: beachjackal (7:53:38 PM) Shanerak: lol (7:53:42 PM) Drab Makyo: Me too. Lonely up in FoCo, too., (7:53:47 PM) Drab Makyo: Haha, yeah, saw you online :3 (7:53:53 PM) Shanerak: lol (8:03:00 PM) Drab Makyo: So what was Jill's post about? Media or Necco? (8:03:43 PM) Shanerak: jeff :3 (8:03:49 PM) Drab Makyo: Pff, nice :o) (8:03:59 PM) Shanerak: yeah he's toolbox number one at this point (8:04:03 PM) Drab Makyo: Nice :D (8:04:11 PM) Drab Makyo: Sounds like things are changing down there. (8:04:20 PM) Shanerak: yeah, they are (8:04:34 PM) Drab Makyo: Heh, who does she 'fancy quite a bit'? (8:04:46 PM) Drab Makyo: Gossip, lol :| (8:04:50 PM) Shanerak: oh (8:04:53 PM) Shanerak: well (8:04:59 PM) Shanerak: me (8:05:11 PM) Drab Makyo: Ah, heh, was gonna ask :o) (8:05:16 PM) Shanerak: yeah :| (8:06:57 PM) Drab Makyo: Mutual, then? (8:07:09 PM) Shanerak: not sure about that one (8:07:13 PM) Shanerak: see im still (8:07:16 PM) Shanerak: gay? (8:07:20 PM) Shanerak: its real weird (8:07:40 PM) Drab Makyo: Well, hey, I did the girl thing, too. (8:07:47 PM) Drab Makyo: Twice, even :| (8:07:52 PM) Shanerak: twice? o_O (8:07:59 PM) Drab Makyo: Moondog and Kayla. (8:08:06 PM) Shanerak: ohh (8:08:10 PM) Shanerak: who's kayla? :P (8:08:47 PM) Drab Makyo: Some girl end sophomore year of college. Didn't last, 'cause she turned out to be kind of a terrible person. (8:09:22 PM) Shanerak: oh, yeah (8:09:24 PM) Shanerak: you told me that (8:10:08 PM) Shanerak: anyway yeah, its weird (8:10:17 PM) Shanerak: kinda weird talking to you about it, because I don't wanna seem like (8:10:25 PM) Shanerak: I dunno (8:10:28 PM) Shanerak: lol (8:10:32 PM) Drab Makyo: Rynden again? Or Ty again? (8:10:37 PM) Shanerak: no (8:10:48 PM) Shanerak: whatcha mean? (8:13:07 PM) Drab Makyo: Well, first of all, should admit that I'm not really doing as okay with this as I've been letting on. Those were really pointed questions, and I probably shouldn't have asked them in the first place c.c (8:13:23 PM) Drab Makyo: Such a stupid, furry thing to do :o) (8:13:34 PM) Shanerak: Well, I know it wouldn't be like (8:13:36 PM) Shanerak: easy (8:13:44 PM) Shanerak: but I was confused as to what you're asking (8:13:56 PM) Shanerak: of course not rynden or ty, ty has a boyfriend and that was over years ago (8:13:59 PM) Shanerak: same with ren (8:14:37 PM) Drab Makyo: Just feels like what happened when you wound up with Rynden for a while, or canceled plans for Colorado the first time where I didn't find out about something until after the fact. Feels kinda like I was just a hobby, or something c.c (8:14:57 PM) Shanerak: No, you weren't a hobby :( (8:15:04 PM) Shanerak: honestly here's what happened (8:15:34 PM) Shanerak: long distance stuff is hard since you know (8:15:38 PM) Shanerak: we never see eachother (8:15:53 PM) Shanerak: so, im lonely here, I missed the times we had before where I felt stuff (8:16:05 PM) Shanerak: but when we're apart really we're not.. experiencing how eachother are (8:16:37 PM) Shanerak: and I thought it'd work out but honestly the last trip out there, I didn't feel right (8:16:53 PM) Shanerak: I guess something changed in me, obviously more than you (8:17:07 PM) Shanerak: I thought part of it was stress from the job stuff, but I guess not (8:17:23 PM) Shanerak: and kinda driving the nail into the board was like when you would sleep on the couch, etc (8:17:41 PM) Shanerak: and I just realized that I was no longer in that completely comfortable position with you (8:18:47 PM) Drab Makyo: Yeah, I know I felt the change too. I really can't say I'm surprised, but I guess that doesn't make it easier :o) (8:19:27 PM) Drab Makyo: As an aside, I know we've talked about how I really have a hard time sleeping with someone else there, like when you lived out here. (8:19:36 PM) Drab Makyo: So I really meant nothing by that (8:19:42 PM) Shanerak: I know, it just uh (8:19:45 PM) Shanerak: is weird for me (8:19:58 PM) Shanerak: but I guess its a mix of things (8:20:05 PM) Shanerak: basically though you weren't how I'd.. come to remember you (8:20:12 PM) Shanerak: and I'm sure things were like that for me, with you, as well (8:20:14 PM) Shanerak: in the end (8:20:26 PM) Drab Makyo: Of course. (8:21:31 PM) Shanerak: I should've let you know sooner, and I'm sorry for that (8:21:35 PM) Shanerak: but I felt kinda trapped :| (8:21:39 PM) Shanerak: like I'd said so much (8:21:48 PM) Shanerak: then suddenly felt so weird, but was expected to.. stick to it? (8:23:51 PM) Drab Makyo: Yeah, I know how it goes. And waiting to let me know is understandable too, been in that position before. (8:24:31 PM) Shanerak: I'm sorry anyway (8:24:47 PM) Drab Makyo: Heh, well, alright :o) (8:26:47 PM) Shanerak: anything else? (8:27:21 PM) Drab Makyo: Hmm? Not really o.o Wish y'all the best of luck :3 (8:27:45 PM) Shanerak: we're not dating (8:28:19 PM) Drab Makyo: Oh, guess I misinterpreted, sorry c.c (8:28:27 PM) Shanerak: no its okay (8:28:49 PM) Shanerak: I just wasnt sure how to.. take that :| (8:29:46 PM) Drab Makyo: Oh. Er.. didn't mean anything sarcastic by it c.c (8:30:09 PM) Shanerak: alright (8:30:12 PM) Shanerak: its just.. delicate (8:30:30 PM) Drab Makyo: I know, my bad c.c (8:30:35 PM) Shanerak: its fine (8:34:36 PM) Shanerak: It's just.. really hard to have you and her not be in a weird situation (8:34:38 PM) Shanerak: for either x.x (8:35:31 PM) Drab Makyo: Yeah, makes sense. (8:37:37 PM) Shanerak: ff (8:37:49 PM) Shanerak: sorry I didn't mean to.. be snarky at you (8:38:12 PM) Drab Makyo: Heh, s'okie. Just misunderstood :o) (8:38:19 PM) Shanerak: well its fine (8:38:30 PM) Shanerak: we just decided that.. a) kinda soon for that? (8:38:36 PM) Shanerak: and im sitll pretty confused (8:38:38 PM) Shanerak: about everything (8:38:47 PM) Shanerak: and I just want to figure out my life before dating anyone (8:38:49 PM) Shanerak: or anything (8:39:11 PM) Drab Makyo: Yeah, got a fair bit of that to do myself. (8:41:03 PM) Drab Makyo: Anyhow, I'm gonna go grab a bath. Way tired and not thinking clearly. (8:41:09 PM) Shanerak: okay, take care