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date: 2019-10-04
weight: 4
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When I first started therapy, I did what I thought was the right thing by bringing an open mind. It wasn't enough for me to seek help, I had to be told what was wrong with me. So anxious was I to not diagnose myself, I had to let someone do the work to pry the symptoms from me.

I didn't tell Dr Johnston that I was feeling bad. I told him my boss told me I was angry. I didn't tell him that I was depressed, I told him that James was worried about how anxious I was.

> And so you got treated for anxiety.

And so I got treated for anxiety. I was given clonazepam to take daily and lorazepam for breakthrough anxiety.

> You have always had issues with control. You always needed to be on top of a situation.

And all my deepest fears, all of those things I would ruminate on during a panic attack, would surround the fact that I wasn't in control of a situation, yes. It made sense to treat the anxiety.

> It hurt.

Yes. I was given a long-acting anxiolytic and a more powerful, shorter-lasting one for breakthrough anxiety. When things hurt, they calmed and soothed the pain. They removed it.

> They removed a lot more than just the pain of panic.

Yes.