<p>I just saw Hitch, a moving about dating, with Andy. The movie was pretty good, and I liked it, but afterwards, when Andy was driving me home, we had a discussion about dating. It started out about the movie, but sort of ended up with him giving me a bit of a lecture about how dating’s not a shuttle launch. I guess that got started when I mentioned that I’m really don’t date because I’m afraid I might not live up to my standard or the other person’s, so his reaction was understandable, but what I think I MEANT to say was that I was afraid of being a phony. I started to type ‘afraid of hurting someone,’ but that’s not even it, sometimes - more often than some people think - getting hurt’s okay. I mean, it’s not my GOAL to go out and date people only to dump them, just to be willing to accept pain if it comes, and cherish it (‘cause it ALL matters, baby [hee, I just said baby]). But no, I’m afraid of being a phony, and that’s why all of the people I’ve dated have been friends that I’ve been around for a while - long enough for them to see who I really am. That sounds trite, but it makes sense to me: if you go out on a date with someone you’ve just been introduced to or maybe met once or twice, even if you’re completely honest, you end up being phony, because you end up having to cram your entire personality into three or four hour segments, which just isn’t the way I personally work. I guess I’m weird that way, because dating seems to have worked well for plenty of people since our society cut down on the arranged marriages. I need the snippets, the flashes you get of someone in the hall when they’re hurrying somewhere, the brief glance of concern or utter joy that sometimes crosses over a person’s face, the class time, the work time, the play time, all of that.</p>
<p>My problem: by the time I get to know someone well enough to get to the point that I’d date them, either I’m not willing to because I just don’t feel that way about them, or I’m swept off my feet and they’re straight (common), lesbian (not so much), or not willing to date a friend like that (it happens). It’s not even that much of a problem, because I don’t mind being single as long as I have some close friends, and the way things have been going, all my methods do is get me damn close friends.</p>
