<p>Well, maybe the book’s. The possibility that he may wind up with a copy.</p>
<p>I talk about my dad off and on during therapy. I suppose he comes up with some frequency because of all the hangups I still have. It seems like ever few months I’ll discover a new one.</p>
<p>I think it’s a credit to my therapist, honestly. Were I paying all that money to simply go chat about my week with someone, getting nothing out of it but company, I’d feel quite let down by the whole process. That I’m coming away from sessions with improved understandings of myself is a good thing.</p>
<p>That said, a lot of the time those therapy sessions where dad has come up have been productive mostly for me understanding the present through my past without necessarily moving forward.</p>
<p>On her end, she is happy to help me explore and offer suggestions, but she’s less keen on beating me up. She is an ally, yes, but a bit more of a friend than you are. She is happy to help me move forward, but also happy to let me just learn.</p>
<p>Yes, to which she responded, “I suppose that’s true, though is that something you’d recommend others who are transitioning?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” was my immediate response. “At some point, with family, it has to be okay to make the cost-benefit analysis and decide whether it’s even worth it to keep trying.”</p>
<p>That Madison — the one who struggled to square living earnestly with lying to dad — is dying. She may have died already. Maybe she died on August 9th of last year, when she first decided to summon her ally.</p>
