<p>I’ve been alternating between apathy toward my situation and crushing emotions surrounding it. I really wish that I could sit down and write about it without having the two battle for control of the keyboard. About the only thing I feel strongly in one way about, however, is the trip to Aspen, which has helped me to decide not to be in choir anymore. Everything else - the house, Washington, my dog, work - is a bunch of mixed blessings. I feel as though it would be cathartic to get all that pent up crap out in a whiny LJ post, but every time I sit down to write the post, I either sulk or find “better” things to do.</p>
<p>That said, I’m incredibly happy for Ryan and Merry, and incredibly lucky to have James and my mom in my life. Focusing on the happy brings about the apathy, so I’ll have to write about everything some other time. “Better” thing of the moment: sleep</p>
