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<h1>Zk | 001</h1>
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<article class="content">
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<p>date: 2019-09-28
weight: 1</p>
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<pre class="verse">From the point of view of the universe, Max's death wasn't a big deal, it was just my big deal.</pre>
<p>On March 21st, 2012, I tried to kill myself.</p>
update from sparkleup
2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00
<p>It&rsquo;s amazing how such a simple statement of fact reflects, months of strange tension, slow recovery, and a whole lot of trying to understand what really happened. It&rsquo;s not a comfortable thing for anyone to discuss, but it&rsquo;s one of those things I need to discuss, need to get off my chest. A little too much of what makes life meaningful for me now is wrapped up in that one night.</p>
update from sparkleup
2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00
<blockquote>
<p>Even now?</p>
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<p>Even now.</p>
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<p>You wrote that disclaimer four months after the attempt itself. You copied it from some notes from back then. You even kept the Steve Eisman quote.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yes. Nostalgia, remember?</p>
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<p>Are you nostalgic for those weighty months after you tried to kill yourself?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If Matthew died on September of that year, then he was sick long before. This was part of his long, slow death rattle.</p>
update from sparkleup
2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00
<p>Perhaps it&rsquo;s not totally accurate to say that I&rsquo;m nostalgic for that time in particular, but I suppose I am nostalgic for the sense of change that permeated the air around me then. Something big was happening. Something terrible and wonderful.</p>
update from sparkleup
2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00
<blockquote>
<p>And you got to witness it from the inside.</p>
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<p>Yes. I got to watch the agonal breathing that went on for far too long. I got to see his eyes widen in terror. I got up to fetch the cold compress and came back to a quiet room.</p>
update from sparkleup
2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00
<p>I&rsquo;m not nostalgic for that pain, no. I&rsquo;m nostalgic for the fact that I am who I am because I went through that. I&rsquo;m nostalgic for what it came to symbolize. I&rsquo;m nostalgic for its part in Madison&rsquo;s birth.</p>
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2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00
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<p>Page generated on 2020-06-24</p>
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