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<!doctype html>
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<title>Zk | 02</title>
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<h1>Zk | 02</h1>
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<article class="content">
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<p>date: 2019-08-13
weight: 2
tags:
- snarky
- humor
- demanding
- questions
categories:
- polyamory
- nostalgia
- Ship of Theseus</p>
<hr />
<blockquote>
<p>I suppose you also searched your archives for poly.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>You know me so well.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Of course.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The first mention on LiveJournal was April 6th, 2004.</p>
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2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00
<div class="codehilite"><pre><span></span><code><span class="err">Of the interesting topics that popped up, that of polygamy stuck with me the most. Michael has a date with another on Thursday and, while this brought up issues with Merlin and Atrius, all I can say right now to Michael is that I wish him the best of luck. It just feels like it would actually /work/ in his case. As to how it pertains to me, I&#39;m not sure if my mind could handle having two mates. Granted I still have a thing for Kory (hah, good luck with that) and a few others, I just don&#39;t think I could find another who a) would be willing to have that sort of relationship with me and b) I could have that sort of relationship with. Ah well. Something to think about.</span>
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</code></pre></div>
<blockquote>
<p>Never one to have a high opinion of yourself.</p>
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<p>That&rsquo;s hindsight talking.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>You literally just got out of a therapy session where you talked about how you don&rsquo;t believe you deserve a better job.</p>
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</blockquote>
<p>Touché.</p>
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<p>Michael and I&rsquo;s relationship was rocky, tumultuous. We met through a queer group and from there wound up in a weird, heated romance that danced around sex, gender, mental health, everything. We fought, we made up. We got annoying. We made out a lot, we had sex, though with each of our individual hangups around sex, it was rarely penetrative.</p>
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<blockquote>
<p>It was penetrative once.</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>That&rsquo;s rare, isn&rsquo;t it?</p>
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<blockquote>
<p>Vanishingly.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Listen, we were both trans. The subject was complex.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>You were a cis gay guy. You told me that. You were unsure of vaginas.</p>
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<p>It started that way, I suppose. I learned.</p>
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<p>Then you bought one for yourself.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Listen.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Yes?</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>There were bits of sexuality that didn&rsquo;t work for me when I was bepenised. A lot of those make sense in a transgender context. Matthew was still a gay guy, but the Ship-of-Theseusizing was already beginning.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>&lsquo;Bepenised&rsquo;? &lsquo;Ship-of-Theseusizing&rsquo;?</p>
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</blockquote>
<p>You verbed it first.</p>
<blockquote>
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<p>We&rsquo;ve gotten off track.</p>
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</blockquote>
<p>Right.</p>
<p>In two previous relationships, poly had come up, and neither time, it had worked. With Merlin and Atrius, I had immediately jumped to jealousy. I felt as though I was being set aside.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Never one to have a high opinion of yourself.</p>
</blockquote>
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2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00
<p>It didn&rsquo;t last. That was part of the breaking point. Similarly with Andrew and Ryn. I&rsquo;ve heard it said that jealousy is a sign that one&rsquo;s needs are not being met.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>What did you need that you weren&rsquo;t getting?</p>
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</blockquote>
<p>I thought it was someone to myself.</p>
<blockquote>
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<p>You couldn&rsquo;t own yourself, maybe you could own someone else.</p>
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</blockquote>
<p>That hurts to hear.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Is it wrong?</p>
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<p>I don&rsquo;t know. Maybe it isn&rsquo;t. Maybe I wanted to keep someone. To possess them. Maybe it was a reaction to being owned.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>Let&rsquo;s talk about kink.</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>Let&rsquo;s fucking not.</p>
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</article>
<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-06-24</p>
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