zk_html/writing/ally/writing/music/04.html

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                <h1>Zk | 04</h1>
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<p>date: 2019-08-30
weight: 4</p>
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<p><audio autoplay controls src="/miniatures/4.mp3"></audio></p>
<p>I tried to let go of choir when I went to university. I was all set to begin anew. I was going to live up to my parents&rsquo; dreams of becoming an engineer.</p>
<p>That, and I heard the choir perform during All-State my senior year of high school, and they weren&rsquo;t that good. the All-State choirs were better. My school&rsquo;s choirs were better. I didn&rsquo;t want to tarnish my feelings on choir by having my last few years in it be less than what I was used to.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Yeah. How&rsquo;d that work out?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I lasted a semester.</p>
<p>Part of it was, of course, that I started the same year they hired Dr. Kim, who turned the choral department around. Suddenly I had something I wanted to reach for.</p>
<p>Part of it was that, on graduating, one of my chosen families disappeared. I still had furry, of course, and I still had Ash and Shannon, but I was missing a core part of myself, and I wasn&rsquo;t strong enough to not have that in my life.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>You weren&rsquo;t strong enough to do a lot of things, then.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>No, I wasn&rsquo;t. I wasn&rsquo;t strong enough to tamp down my mania or pull myself up by my bootstraps through depression. I wasn&rsquo;t strong enough to buckle down on my math and chemistry studies. I wasn&rsquo;t strong enough to treat my friends and lovers as well as they deserved. Not on my own, at least.</p>
<p>So I joined choir.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>You did more than that. You took ownership of your life.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I changed my major to music. I started taking singing lessons. I gained strength from my community, and I got better. I got strong enough to at least learn, bit by bit, how to deal with each of those things. I&rsquo;m still working on some of them, but that&rsquo;s where I started learning.</p>
<p>I got strong enough to make it into voice lessons with Dr. Morrow-King.</p>
<p>I got strong enough to get into Chamber Choir.</p>
<p>I got strong enough to go on two choir tours in South Korea.</p>
<p>I got strong enough to leave the music education program and move to music composition.</p>
<p>I got strong enough to talk to the department chair about why I wasn&rsquo;t getting lessons through the school.</p>
<p>I got strong enough to stand up to Dr. Wohl when he was called on it and not selected to be the new professor.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Not strong enough to suffer defeat.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>No.</p>
<p>Not the one I experienced.</p>
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                <p>Page generated on 2020-06-24</p>
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update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`<!doctype html>`
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			`<title>Zk \| 04</title>`
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			`<header>`
			`<h1>Zk \| 04</h1>`
			`</header>`
			`<article class="content">`
			`<hr />`
			`<p>date: 2019-08-30`
			`weight: 4</p>`
			`<hr />`
			`<p><audio autoplay controls src="/miniatures/4.mp3"></audio></p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>I tried to let go of choir when I went to university. I was all set to begin anew. I was going to live up to my parents’ dreams of becoming an engineer.</p>`
			`<p>That, and I heard the choir perform during All-State my senior year of high school, and they weren’t that good. the All-State choirs were better. My school’s choirs were better. I didn’t want to tarnish my feelings on choir by having my last few years in it be less than what I was used to.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`<blockquote>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>Yeah. How’d that work out?</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`</blockquote>`
			`<p>I lasted a semester.</p>`
			`<p>Part of it was, of course, that I started the same year they hired Dr. Kim, who turned the choral department around. Suddenly I had something I wanted to reach for.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>Part of it was that, on graduating, one of my chosen families disappeared. I still had furry, of course, and I still had Ash and Shannon, but I was missing a core part of myself, and I wasn’t strong enough to not have that in my life.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`<blockquote>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>You weren’t strong enough to do a lot of things, then.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`</blockquote>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>No, I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to tamp down my mania or pull myself up by my bootstraps through depression. I wasn’t strong enough to buckle down on my math and chemistry studies. I wasn’t strong enough to treat my friends and lovers as well as they deserved. Not on my own, at least.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`<p>So I joined choir.</p>`
			`<blockquote>`
			`<p>You did more than that. You took ownership of your life.</p>`
			`</blockquote>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>I changed my major to music. I started taking singing lessons. I gained strength from my community, and I got better. I got strong enough to at least learn, bit by bit, how to deal with each of those things. I’m still working on some of them, but that’s where I started learning.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`<p>I got strong enough to make it into voice lessons with Dr. Morrow-King.</p>`
			`<p>I got strong enough to get into Chamber Choir.</p>`
			`<p>I got strong enough to go on two choir tours in South Korea.</p>`
			`<p>I got strong enough to leave the music education program and move to music composition.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>I got strong enough to talk to the department chair about why I wasn’t getting lessons through the school.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-25 05:00:08 +00:00			`<p>I got strong enough to stand up to Dr. Wohl when he was called on it and not selected to be the new professor.</p>`
			`<blockquote>`
			`<p>Not strong enough to suffer defeat.</p>`
			`</blockquote>`
			`<p>No.</p>`
			`<p>Not the one I experienced.</p>`
			`</article>`
			`<footer>`
update from sparkleup 2020-06-24 07:15:07 +00:00			`<p>Page generated on 2020-06-24</p>`
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