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Madison Scott-Clary 2024-04-12 10:30:54 -07:00
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writing/post-self/marsh/018.html
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@ -83,7 +83,7 @@
<p>I looked down at the paper, just as I had done for much of the day already.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I would like to hear how you feel, Reed,&rdquo; Dry Grass said. &ldquo;We all have our thoughts on the matter &mdash; we are Odists, of <em>course</em> we do &mdash; I am sure, but before we taint yours, tell us how you feel.&rdquo;</p>
<p>I sighed, eventually folding up the letter and returning it to my pocket. The physicality of it made it feel more real, focused my mind in one particular spot. Getting it out of my hands gave me, somehow, permission to look up and speak directly to the others.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m feeling torn,&rdquo; I admitted. &ldquo;I like Anubias. They&rsquo;ve quickly found a place in our clade. They aren&rsquo;t <em>Marsh</em>, though. Whatever thoughts I had of reconstruction in that particular sense evaporated almost immediately, and we all leaned into this reconciliation as soon as they picked their name. I&rsquo;ve been&hellip;I don&rsquo;t know.&rdquo; I took a moment to reclaim my train of thought as my speech stumbled to a stop. &ldquo;I guess I&rsquo;m well into grieving now, and even if Vos hasn&rsquo;t reopened communication, I&rsquo;m sitting with her in that loss of someone important. Whether or not it&rsquo;s important that they were the root instance varies from day to day. Today, it feels pretty important.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m feeling torn,&rdquo; I admitted. &ldquo;I like Anubias. They&rsquo;ve quickly found a place in our clade. They aren&rsquo;t <em>Marsh</em>, though. I&rsquo;ve been&hellip;I don&rsquo;t know.&rdquo; I took a moment to reclaim my train of thought as my speech stumbled to a stop. &ldquo;I guess I&rsquo;m well into grieving now, and even if Vos hasn&rsquo;t reopened communication, I&rsquo;m sitting with her in that loss of someone important. Whether or not it&rsquo;s important that they were the root instance varies from day to day. Today, it feels pretty important.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Dry Grass nodded. &ldquo;There were times throughout our history that Michelle felt more like a friend or sister than our down-tree instance. It hurt either way, but the mechanical aspects, the sundering of the ten stanzas, lingered often in our thoughts.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It seemed rather more symbolic, for my part, that particular note,&rdquo; A Finger Pointing commented. &ldquo;We seldom merged with her after those first few years. What really bothered <em>me</em> was the implication that we were all doomed to quit, that what happened to her was a premonition of what was to come.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Beholden looked suddenly away, mastering some intense emotion that washed over her face. She seemed to want to speak, though, so we all remained in silence.</p>
@ -110,7 +110,7 @@
<p>I snorted. &ldquo;I have not, nor do I plan to. It has me watching my actions like a hawk, and while I&rsquo;m sure the anxiety over the fact that I&rsquo;m capable of such things will fade, I doubt I&rsquo;ll ever forget about it &mdash; really, truly forget: it&rsquo;ll stay in the forefront of my mind whenever strong feelings come up.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Dry Grass nodded. &ldquo;I would not want you to remain in anxiety, of course, but I am pleased to hear that it is something you are cognizant of.&rdquo;</p>
<p>A Finger Pointing crosses her arms. &ldquo;Anubias possesses both your and Lily&rsquo;s perspective on that spat; what have they to say about it?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s certainly come up in conversations with them, how they were dealing with the conflicting views of everything from throughout the clade. Marsh had clearly done so, after all, right? So it&rsquo;s not like it&rsquo;s out of reach for us to fully reconcile.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s certainly come up in conversations with them, how they were dealing with the conflicting views of everything from throughout the clade. Marsh had clearly done so, after all, right? Whatever thoughts I had of reconstruction in that particular sense evaporated almost immediately, and we all leaned into this reconciliation as soon as they picked their name, so it&rsquo;s not like it&rsquo;s out of reach for us to fully reconcile.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Beholden smirked. &ldquo;I know Slow Hours and I have had our spats from time to time&ndash;.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;More than that!&rdquo; Motes said, grinning.</p>
<p>&ldquo;&ndash;<em>often</em>, so the cross-tree merging has given us another tool to mediate.&rdquo; She rolled her eyes, adding, &ldquo;<em>When</em> we remember to actually use it.&rdquo;</p>