update from sparkleup
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<p>Sleep proved to be something of a problem. </p>
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<p>Sleep was the first obstacle they ran into.</p>
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<p>While True Name had, at one point, sat up long enough to drink half a glass of water, she had yet to leave the bed, and with her still down for the count, the version of May who had remained was unwilling to leave her side, even for dinner, which she declined.</p>
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<p>“You don’t think sleeping with her will be enough to keep you comfortable through the night?”</p>
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<p>She rolled her eyes and poked em in the stomach with a dull claw. “It is not just that I do not want to sleep alone, my dear. I want to sleep with you.”</p>
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<p>Ioan blinked, laughed, and rubbed at the back of eir neck. “Right, sorry, I guess I’ve been stuck on logistics mode for a bit.”</p>
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<p>“Is this not emotional?”</p>
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<p>“It is! I’m just…overwhelmed or something?”</p>
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<p>“It is! I’m just…overwhelmed or something.”</p>
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<p>May nodded and looped her arms up around eir shoulders. “That much I understand, my dear.”</p>
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<p>“Would it make sense if I added a cot or something in there? I could at least sleep nearby.”</p>
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<p>She perked up and tilted her head. “One moment. Or…well, come with me.”</p>
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<p>May led em to True Name’s room where the skunk was slouched over on the bed, head resting in the other instance of May’s lap, the two of them tucked into the nest of pillows in the corner.</p>
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<p>“Let me reduce…” The May who had stayed with Ioan quit, leaving the other instance of her to quickly incorporate the merge and continue. “…conflicts. True Name, are you able to speak?”</p>
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<p>“Let me reduce…” The May who had stayed with Ioan quit, leaving the other instance of her to quickly incorporate the merge and continued, “…conflicts. True Name, are you able to speak?”</p>
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<p>The answer was a long time coming. “Some,” she croaked.</p>
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<p>May nodded. “I am not going to leave, but it is getting close to bedtime. I am also not comfortable not being near Ioan. May ey sleep in here with us?”</p>
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<p>True Name slowly rolled her head to the side enough to squint at Ioan through one eye. Her cheek-fur was a mess of tear tracks. “Ioan?”</p>
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@ -38,7 +38,7 @@
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<p>Ey nodded. “I can make the bed bigger. Should I make a second set of covers?”</p>
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<p>She swallowed several times in a row, a sign of tears to come ey well knew from May. “Can I ask…can you two…”</p>
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<p>May got her arms around the skunk and murmured, “We will work it out.”</p>
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<p>Ioan hesitated a moment longer before letting the bed expand another few feet in width with a wave of intent. A second set of covers and pillows spooled themselves out onto it as well, just in case.</p>
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<p>Ioan hesitated a moment longer before willing the bed to expand another few feet in width with a wave of intent. A second set of covers and pillows spooled themselves out onto it as well, just in case.</p>
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<p>Ey paced back and forth a few times, shook eir head, then waved a hand again to bring into being a set of pajamas on the bed. Sleeping in eir usual dress of a pair of boxers didn’t seem quite appropriate at the moment.</p>
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<p>May blinked down at the clothes, giggled quietly, and shook her head. <em>“You are such a nerd,”</em> she subvocalized through a sensorium message so as not to disturb True Name. <em>“It is a good idea, but you are a total nerd.”</em></p>
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<p>Ey shrugged helplessly, gathered up the loose lounge pants and shirt to go change.</p>
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@ -46,7 +46,7 @@
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<p><em>“If you need to sneak off to sleep in a real bed, you can, my dear.”</em></p>
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<p><em>“I’m</em> also <em>unwilling to sleep without you, so…”</em></p>
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<p>Her expression softened. She tilted her muzzle down to whisper something to True Name, and when she received a nod in response, she signed <em>okay</em> and patted the bed to invite em up.</p>
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<p>Ey nodded and climbed onto the (now much larger) bed until ey could settle down beside May in the nook of pillows. Getting eir arm around her shoulders, ey let her rest her head on eir shoulder. It was a little awkward, with True Name still slouched against her side, but it worked well enough.</p>
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<p>Ey nodded and climbed onto the (now much larger) bed so ey could settle down beside May in the nook of pillows. Getting eir arm around her shoulders, ey let her rest her head on eir shoulder. It was a little awkward, with True Name still slouched against her side, but it worked well enough.</p>
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<p><em>“I’m surprised she’s so…physical,”</em> ey sent.</p>
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<p><em>“She was not, at first, but I think she is working her way from past to present. She slowly got closer and closer as she learned how I did the same.”</em></p>
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<p>It made sense, at least. Whenever ey’d dealt with a longer merge — eir longest had been around thirteen months, and a particularly boring project at that — it always felt like the memories were interleaving themselves in with the ones ey already had, histories slowly zippering themselves into consensus. Conflicts, then, were the snags one encountered along the way, and one would have to dump energy into either reconciling or discarding memories. It was a very consuming task, and that True Name had been able to speak at all was far more than ey could have done.</p>
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@ -63,7 +63,7 @@
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<p>“Well, either way, I will let you keep the corner nest and be right here. Ioan can take the outside.”</p>
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<p>“Keeping em…away?”</p>
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<p>May frowned. “I am keeping myself close to you.”</p>
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<p>“I kid,” True Name said, slowly pushing herself up once more and frowning at just how far away the glass of water was, now. Ioan leaned forward to grab it for her. She drank carefully. “But if it…keeps awkwardness down…that is good, too.”</p>
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<p>“I kid. I have not…even gotten there, yet,” True Name said, slowly pushing herself up once more and frowning at just how far away the glass of water was. Ioan leaned forward to grab it for her. She drank carefully. “But if it…keeps awkwardness down…that is good, too.”</p>
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<p>Ioan accepted the glass from True Name once she finished, re-filling it from the pitcher they’d brought in and setting it on the windowsill near the nook so that she could get to it herself. “We can talk about that later. For now, I think it’ll work alright.”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded and settled down into her nest of pillows.</p>
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<p>May and Ioan stayed up a little longer, chatting through sensorium messages to let True Name process in peace. Cognizant of her mention that she felt better when not thinking about boundaries, ey kept the topics light, asking about favorite things and letting her rant about plays from her past that she’d hated.</p>
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@ -115,15 +115,15 @@
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<p>Ey smirked. <em>“Har har. All the same, I’m glad you made it through to this far, at least.”</em></p>
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<p><em>“Thank you, my dear. As am I.”</em> </p>
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<p>They fell back into silence then. Ioan spent a while marveling at the mix of coziness and strangeness. It <em>was</em> comfortable, there with the two skunks. May was in eir arms as she should be, and True Name, similar as she was, fit well enough in the mix. The strangeness, then, came from the knowledge that she was specifically True Name. This was so counter to what ey knew of her from the years prior, and even the her that she’d become over the past few weeks since End Waking’s merge.</p>
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<p>Ey could already tell that she’d changed, even beyond the fact that she’d wound up as close as this. Her speech patterns were shifting once again, losing some of their formality, finding their way back to grounding from the high-minded patterns she’d picked up from her other cocladist, and yet they weren’t totally those of May, either. They didn’t sound the same, just more alike than they had.</p>
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<p>She was tripled, now. She was True Name and she was End Waking and she was May. Whether or not she would become something new or remain fractured ey didn’t think even she knew. The adjustment would certainly take time for everyone. Ey liked End Waking quite a bit as a friend, but that friendship was different than that of True Name’s. Ey was friends with May, but in that way that partners were still friends beneath the romance of a big-R Relationship, and there was certainly no comparison to be made between the small-r relationships there. If she was of three minds, so was ey.</p>
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<p>Ey could already tell that she’d changed, though, even beyond the fact that she’d wound up as close as this. Her speech patterns were shifting once again, losing some of their formality, finding their way back to ground from the high-minded patterns she’d picked up from her other cocladist, and yet they weren’t totally those of May, either. They didn’t sound the same, just more alike than they had before.</p>
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<p>She was tripled, now. She was True Name and she was End Waking and she was May. Whether or not she would become something new or remain fractured ey didn’t think even she knew. The adjustment would certainly take time for everyone. Ey liked End Waking quite a bit as a friend, but that friendship was different than that of eirs with True Name. Ey was friends with May, but in that way that partners were still friends beneath the romance of a big-R Relationship, and there was certainly no comparison to be made between the small-r relationships here. If she was of three minds, so was ey.</p>
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<p><em>“Unrelated to comfort or awkwardness, I am going to get up to make coffee,”</em> she sent, nudging em out of rumination once more. <em>“I did not sleep, and if I do not have coffee soon, I shall surely die.”</em></p>
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<p>May grumbled again when True Name rolled away from her, gathering the remainder of the covers and a stray pillow up to replace the space that had been left by her cocladist’s absence. Ey couldn’t tell if the skunk was actually awake or not, but she settled down once more, if nothing else.</p>
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<p>True Name sat up and scrubbed at her face with her paws, wiping the grit of sleep — or, more likely, tears — from her eyes. She grinned down to em. <em>“My assessment remains. You two are so cute that it is disgusting.”</em></p>
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<p>Stifling a laugh, ey rolled eir eyes. <em>“Blame May.”</em></p>
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<p><em>“Way ahead of you, dear,”</em> she sent as she crawled out of bed. <em>“I will make coffee and then I will need some alone time on the plain. I will ensure there is enough coffee for all.”</em></p>
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<p>There was a quiet clattering from the kitchen, mugs being shifted about and the coffee pot being set in place, doubtless another instance of her making enough noise to let them know what she was up to.</p>
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<p>It was enough to wake May the rest of the way, the skunk stretching out against eir front and yawning wide before she shifted about to face em. “Pillows,” she mumbled, peeking down at the bundle she still had in her arm. “Oh, did I…?”</p>
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<p>It was enough to wake May the rest of the way, the skunk stretching out against eir front and yawning wide before she shifted about to face em. “Pillows,” she mumbled, peeking down at the bundle she still held in her arms. “Oh, did I…?”</p>
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<p>Ioan nodded, placing a kiss atop her head. “She said she rolled over against you, yeah.”</p>
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<p>“Sorry, Ioan.”</p>
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<p>“It’s fine by me,” ey said, chuckling. “She and I talked about it a bit before you woke up. She’s confused about it, but seemed like she needed it.”</p>
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<p>“Of course.”</p>
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<p>May nodded. “Take the space you need.”</p>
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<p>True Name leaned over enough to dot her nose against the skunk’s cheek. “Thank you, dear. If you cook breakfast, I will refrain from telling Ioan embarrassing stories.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “Asshole. Where did this humor come from?”</p>
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<p>“Asshole.” She laughed. “Where did this humor come from?”</p>
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<p>“Your guess is as good as mine, at this point.”</p>
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<p>“She seems to be doing well,” ey said, once she’d made her way outside and down the stairs to the prairie.</p>
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<p>“It helps that I did not drop a merge onto her unexpectedly. She had more to process, but more preparation to do so.”</p>
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<p>Ey reached over to tug on one of her ears gently. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m dense, but not <em>that</em> dense.”</p>
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<p>The skunk tilted her head at the tug, laughing. “Has your opinion of her as a friend changed?”</p>
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<p>Ioan tilted eir head. “How do you mean?”</p>
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<p>“I do not imagine that you feel the same about someone who is just True Name as you do about who she has become. Or is becoming, at least.”</p>
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<p>“I do not imagine that you felt the same about her when she was just True Name as you do now about who she has become. Or is becoming, at least.”</p>
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<p>“Well, no,” ey hazarded. “But I don’t know just how, yet.”</p>
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<p>“Me either.</p>
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<p>They reconvened over a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon with toast.</p>
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<p>“Was your life unpleasant before?” When May frowned at em, ey held up eir hands. “Sorry, maybe that’s impertinent. It’s not important.”</p>
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<p>True Name shook her head. “It is okay. It was, yes. It was fulfilling. I felt hopeful and comfortable with the path I had chosen. The work itself was starting to grate on me, but that had less to do with the work than the coworker.”</p>
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<p>May, having subsided, finished her bite of toast before asking, “Did you have hope for happiness with just End Waking’s merge?”</p>
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<p>“No. Not at all.” She reached out a paw to give one of May’s a squeeze, adding quickly, “Again, I understand why — now more than ever — why you did what you did, and I do approve of it in light of what is happening with Jonas, but it was an uncomfortable duality in comparison to this comfortable plurality.”</p>
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<p>“No. Not at all.” She reached out a paw to give one of May’s a squeeze, adding quickly, “Again, I understand — now more than ever — why you did what you did, and I do approve of it in light of what is happening with Jonas, but it was an uncomfortable duality in comparison to this comfortable plurality.”</p>
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<p>May smiled gratefully, returning that squeeze.</p>
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<p>“Meeting up with my fork hammered that point home pretty well, and, seeing myself through her eyes, I can tell that she was pleased as well.”</p>
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<p>“I am very happy to hear that,” May said. “Not least of which because you seem to be building a new self rather than simply becoming any one of us.”</p>
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<p>“Your high station does not preclude you from being kicked, my dear,” May said sweetly. “You deserved that.”</p>
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<p>The skunk preened.</p>
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<p>Ioan watched the exchange, grinning. Beyond just what she’d said, ey could read relief in May’s features. That resentment towards her down-tree instance had never quite gone away, ey knew, and, on some level, it likely never would. Still, that True Name was heading towards being a new person seemed to have brought out a new sense of friendliness within eir partner that had been lacking to that point.</p>
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<p>Ey wondered if she would go through a reevaluation of who True Name had been before, much as ey had. It was certainly enough that she felt more positive, but ey — em and Codrin#Castor, perhaps — seemed to have dropped much of that resentment that had lingered in May, though whether that was due to a difference in temperament or the relatively short time they’d known the skunk in comparison, ey couldn’t tell.</p>
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<p>Ey wondered if she would go through a reevaluation of who True Name had been before, much as ey had. It was certainly enough that she felt more positive, but ey — em and Codrin#Castor, perhaps — seemed to have dropped much of that resentment that had lingered in May and many others, though whether that was due to a difference in temperament or the relatively short time they’d known the skunk in comparison, ey couldn’t tell.</p>
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<p>“Is it just me, or is eir mumbling getting worse?” True Name stage-whispered to May.</p>
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<p>She whispered back, “Perhaps the centuries are catching up to em. Is this how the Bălans crack? Should we warn Dear?v”</p>
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<p>“Are all skunks such brats?” Ey rolled eir eyes.</p>
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<p>She whispered back, “Perhaps the centuries are catching up to em. Is this how the Bălans crack? Should we warn Dear?”</p>
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<p>“Are all skunks such brats?” Ey smirked.</p>
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<p>They laughed.</p>
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<p>“I mumble more when I’m stressed, that’s all.”</p>
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<p>“Are you stressed now, my dear?” May asked.</p>
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<p>“It feels rather like the morning after a sleepover, yes,” True Name said.</p>
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<p>May nodded eagerly.</p>
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<p>“I’ve never had one of those, I’ll have to take your word for it. Do those always come with cuddling up in the morning?”</p>
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<p>Both skunks splayed their ears.</p>
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<p>Both skunks splayed their ears and dipped their snouts.</p>
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<p>“It depends on the sleepover,” May said, adding to True Name, “Are you feeling well enough to discuss boundaries now?”</p>
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<p>She hesitated. “We can begin the discussion, though I will need to address further conflicts before long.”</p>
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<p>“To be clear,” Ioan said. “I don’t feel like any boundaries were crossed.”</p>
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<p>“To be clear,” Ioan said. “I’m okay with it, it was just unexpected.”</p>
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<p>True Name gave a hint of a bow. “One thing that came up in our discussions leading up to the merge is that the one with the greater restrictions in a relationship defines the boundaries. Right now, I think that may be one of you two. I am the outsider, here. I have never had to have a conversation such as this.”</p>
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<p>“My comment about you building up a new self has gone a long way towards soothing any fears,” May said. “I think I was worried you might incorporate my memories of the last few decades wholesale and wind up feeling exactly the way that I do about Ioan.”</p>
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<p>True Name shook her head. “I have taken to heart your requests and declined the personal memories you suggested. There are many conflicts,” she said, speaking more slowly. “Perhaps due to your feelings about me as I was, so I am not sure how I feel yet, but…well, may I speak earnestly?”</p>
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<p>“I–“</p>
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<p>“Do not make it weird, True Name,” May said, laughing. She held out a paw toward the skunk “Just fucking call me May already.”</p>
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<p>“Right. May,” True Name said, gingerly resting her paw in her up-tree instance’s.</p>
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<p>“I do not know how you get from this world to that one, either, my dear, but,” she said, taking a deep breath. “So long as you come by that path earnestly and we discuss it in the moment, I do not think I have a problem with it. Ioan?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know how you get from this world to that one, either, if that is something you want, but,” she said, taking a deep breath. “So long as you come by that path earnestly and we discuss it in the moment, I do not think I have a problem with it. Ioan?”</p>
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<p>Ey held up eir hands. “Don’t look at me. I don’t have a clue.”</p>
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<p>They laughed.</p>
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<p>“We’ll see, I guess,” ey said, shrugging. “It’s all way too much for me to take in right now.”</p>
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<p>“We’ll see, I guess,” ey said, shrugging. “It’s all way too much for me to take in right now. That’s barely even on my radar.”</p>
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<p>“Perhaps that is a good place to pause,” True Name said. “This conversation has those conflicts begging for attention.”</p>
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<p>“Of course, my dear,” May said, giving her paw a squeeze before letting go. “Go and walk. There will be time for discussions to come, especially once we are finished with this unpleasant political business.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-09</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-17</p>
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