update from sparkleup
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<p>“The jagged edges and self-loathing.”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “There is some of me in there, yes, but it is still theatre, my dear. It is about taking the particular and making it universal, if only for a little while, yes?”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>When ey didn’t reply otherwise, she shrugged and continued, “I would not say that I agree with that “I loathe myself, so imagine how much I love others” bit. I do not loathe myself, and I still love others. Have loved and will love in the future, even, and I see no change in my rare moments of self-loathing.”</p>
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<p>When ey didn’t reply otherwise, she shrugged and continued, “I would not say that I agree with that “I loathe myself, so imagine how much I love others” bit. I do not loathe myself, and yet I still love others. Have loved and will love in the future, even, and I see no change in my rare moments of self-loathing.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed. “‘Will love in the future’? You leaving me for some handsome guy you met in a bar, then?”</p>
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<p>“A bar? Ugh.I am apparently more of a ‘hunt nerds in the library’ type.” She poked em in the belly. “But I love <em>you</em>, my dear, and will continue to do so.”</p>
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<p>“A bar? Ugh. I am apparently more of a ‘hunt nerds in the library’ type.” She poked em in the belly. “But I love <em>you</em>, my dear, and will continue to do so.”</p>
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<p>Rubbing at the spot where she’d poked with her dull claw, ey nodded. “Love you too, May.”</p>
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<p>She beamed happily and settled back in against eir side, head resting on eir shoulder. “I am glad, my dear. I know we agreed early on that this — us being together, I mean — does not need to be permanent, but that does not change the fact that I will continue loving you. Even if we should split, I will not stop.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded slowly.</p>
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<p>“What? Oh, no,” ey said, shaking eir head to clear a few too many thoughts. “I trust you on that, May. Just got me thinking. Do you still love all the others you’ve been with?”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “What I said does not just apply to you. Of course I still love them. Some long-diverged forks of me are even still in relationships with some of them.”</p>
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<p>“So you’ve said. You still love them as the root instance, though?”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “I do not begin relationships as anything other than my root instance. I do not know why, but it does not feel fair to me to do anything but.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “I do not begin relationships as anything other than my root instance. I do not know why, but it does not feel fair of me to do anything but.”</p>
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<p>“Oh, so none of your forks went on to fork for other relationships?”</p>
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<p>“Not that I know of, no. It is a firm conviction, so I would imagine that they hold to it, but perhaps some older ones have diverged.”</p>
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<p>“How many are there, anyway?”</p>
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<p>She lifted her head to dot her nose against eir cheek. “Are you jealous, my dear?” Her voice was calm and curious. Calm enough and curious enough, some distant part of em noted, that it kept em from falling immediately into defensiveness.</p>
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<p>“I get the occasional pangs,” ey said after a long minute’s thought. “More so early on. When ey first getting settled in eir relationship, Codrin told me about something that Dear had told em shortly after ey’d been forked, “Jealousy is a sign of needs not met”. Whenever I start feeling jealous, that’s usually a sign for me to take a step back and think about what need that might be.”</p>
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<p>“I get the occasional pangs,” ey said after a long minute’s thought. “More so early on. When ey was first getting settled in eir relationship, Codrin told me about something that Dear had told em shortly after ey’d been forked, “Jealousy is a sign of needs not met”. Whenever I start feeling jealous, that’s usually a sign for me to take a step back and think about what need that might be.”</p>
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<p>“See, this is what I like about you, my dear. You feel a thing and then think about it until you understand it. Sometimes a little too much, but it has served you well.”</p>
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<p>Ey tilted eir cheek to rest it atop her head, a bit of closeness that also served the purpose of stopping her ear-tip from tickling eir neck.</p>
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<p>“I feel a thing and am helpless before it. I cannot but wrap myself up in…it…” she said, pulling out her notebook again to jot down the words as they came. “Love, hatred, hunger, exhaustion. I am built for them all, and I cannot do a thing about them…”</p>
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<p>Ey shared a secret smile with emself as the skunk trailed off, continuing to write, tongue-tip peeking out from her muzzle.</p>
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<p><em>I really do love her,</em> ey thought, then, as always, marveled that that was a thing ey could do.</p>
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<p>“Also,” she said once she’d finished writing. “The answer is that I do not know how many of me are still in relationships. There are at least three, and I know of at least five that have quit, but I never made it a requirement that they keep in touch. Beyond that, I think there are…mm, seven, perhaps?”</p>
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<p>“So that makes me your sixteenth relationship?”</p>
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<p>“Something like that, yes.” She slid over and swung her legs up onto the stage so that she could rest her head in eir lap. “Did my monologue really get you thinking about all this?”</p>
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