update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2022-04-01 22:20:14 -07:00
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<p>&ldquo;The jagged edges and self-loathing.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She shrugged. &ldquo;There is some of me in there, yes, but it is still theatre, my dear. It is about taking the particular and making it universal, if only for a little while, yes?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey nodded.</p>
<p>When ey didn&rsquo;t reply otherwise, she shrugged and continued, &ldquo;I would not say that I agree with that &ldquo;I loathe myself, so imagine how much I love others&rdquo; bit. I do not loathe myself, and I still love others. Have loved and will love in the future, even, and I see no change in my rare moments of self-loathing.&rdquo;</p>
<p>When ey didn&rsquo;t reply otherwise, she shrugged and continued, &ldquo;I would not say that I agree with that &ldquo;I loathe myself, so imagine how much I love others&rdquo; bit. I do not loathe myself, and yet I still love others. Have loved and will love in the future, even, and I see no change in my rare moments of self-loathing.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey laughed. &ldquo;&lsquo;Will love in the future&rsquo;? You leaving me for some handsome guy you met in a bar, then?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;A bar? Ugh.I am apparently more of a &lsquo;hunt nerds in the library&rsquo; type.&rdquo; She poked em in the belly. &ldquo;But I love <em>you</em>, my dear, and will continue to do so.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;A bar? Ugh. I am apparently more of a &lsquo;hunt nerds in the library&rsquo; type.&rdquo; She poked em in the belly. &ldquo;But I love <em>you</em>, my dear, and will continue to do so.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Rubbing at the spot where she&rsquo;d poked with her dull claw, ey nodded. &ldquo;Love you too, May.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She beamed happily and settled back in against eir side, head resting on eir shoulder. &ldquo;I am glad, my dear. I know we agreed early on that this &mdash; us being together, I mean &mdash; does not need to be permanent, but that does not change the fact that I will continue loving you. Even if we should split, I will not stop.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey nodded slowly.</p>
@ -53,17 +53,16 @@
<p>&ldquo;What? Oh, no,&rdquo; ey said, shaking eir head to clear a few too many thoughts. &ldquo;I trust you on that, May. Just got me thinking. Do you still love all the others you&rsquo;ve been with?&rdquo;</p>
<p>She laughed. &ldquo;What I said does not just apply to you. Of course I still love them. Some long-diverged forks of me are even still in relationships with some of them.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;So you&rsquo;ve said. You still love them as the root instance, though?&rdquo;</p>
<p>She nodded. &ldquo;I do not begin relationships as anything other than my root instance. I do not know why, but it does not feel fair to me to do anything but.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She nodded. &ldquo;I do not begin relationships as anything other than my root instance. I do not know why, but it does not feel fair of me to do anything but.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Oh, so none of your forks went on to fork for other relationships?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Not that I know of, no. It is a firm conviction, so I would imagine that they hold to it, but perhaps some older ones have diverged.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;How many are there, anyway?&rdquo;</p>
<p>She lifted her head to dot her nose against eir cheek. &ldquo;Are you jealous, my dear?&rdquo; Her voice was calm and curious. Calm enough and curious enough, some distant part of em noted, that it kept em from falling immediately into defensiveness.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I get the occasional pangs,&rdquo; ey said after a long minute&rsquo;s thought. &ldquo;More so early on. When ey first getting settled in eir relationship, Codrin told me about something that Dear had told em shortly after ey&rsquo;d been forked, &ldquo;Jealousy is a sign of needs not met&rdquo;. Whenever I start feeling jealous, that&rsquo;s usually a sign for me to take a step back and think about what need that might be.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I get the occasional pangs,&rdquo; ey said after a long minute&rsquo;s thought. &ldquo;More so early on. When ey was first getting settled in eir relationship, Codrin told me about something that Dear had told em shortly after ey&rsquo;d been forked, &ldquo;Jealousy is a sign of needs not met&rdquo;. Whenever I start feeling jealous, that&rsquo;s usually a sign for me to take a step back and think about what need that might be.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;See, this is what I like about you, my dear. You feel a thing and then think about it until you understand it. Sometimes a little too much, but it has served you well.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey tilted eir cheek to rest it atop her head, a bit of closeness that also served the purpose of stopping her ear-tip from tickling eir neck.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I feel a thing and am helpless before it. I cannot but wrap myself up in&hellip;it&hellip;&rdquo; she said, pulling out her notebook again to jot down the words as they came. &ldquo;Love, hatred, hunger, exhaustion. I am built for them all, and I cannot do a thing about them&hellip;&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey shared a secret smile with emself as the skunk trailed off, continuing to write, tongue-tip peeking out from her muzzle.</p>
<p><em>I really do love her,</em> ey thought, then, as always, marveled that that was a thing ey could do.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Also,&rdquo; she said once she&rsquo;d finished writing. &ldquo;The answer is that I do not know how many of me are still in relationships. There are at least three, and I know of at least five that have quit, but I never made it a requirement that they keep in touch. Beyond that, I think there are&hellip;mm, seven, perhaps?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;So that makes me your sixteenth relationship?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Something like that, yes.&rdquo; She slid over and swung her legs up onto the stage so that she could rest her head in eir lap. &ldquo;Did my monologue really get you thinking about all this?&rdquo;</p>