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<title>Zk | 009</title>
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<h1>Zk | 009</h1>
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<p>I was left that night with a sense of having taken a step forward. It wasn’t completion by any stretch, I hadn’t made any dramatic decisions, hadn’t changed anything, really, except getting dinner with a polycule and talked about feelings.</p>
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<p>I had made that small decision, though, the decision to continue to think about these feelings on Dry Grass lingering after the merge.</p>
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<p>The immediate outcome of this was a hug and a conversation. The hug came from Dry Grass after dinner. She asked, I said yes, it was a mix of awkward and pleasant. The conversation came when I got home and spoke to Hanne.</p>
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<p>“Wait, you kept the <em>whole merge?</em>” she said, laughing. “I mean, I guess I can’t blame you with all that was happening, but still, why didn’t you just discard it.”</p>
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<p>I shrugged. “I’m not totally sure. I don’t remember that night very well. Not that I forgot, I mean, just that everything happened so quickly and was so scattered that that’s all the memories are, too. I think I was worried that maybe I’d disappear, too, or that Tule would, or Sedge.”</p>
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<p>Hanne’s expression fell, replaced by something far more serious. “Okay, <em>that</em> much I can definitely understand. Is this the only real fallout of the whole merge?”</p>
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<p>“I guess. There’s a bit of fussing about intraclade relationships in there, which, okay, another thing to consider, but I love all my cocladists at least as family, so it doesn’t feel too bad to me. I definitely love all my up-trees.”</p>
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<p>“There’s quite a jump between loving like family and loving like a partner, though.”</p>
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<p>I nodded. “Not denying that, just that I think Tule had…well, it’s not that he didn’t love the rest of us, he just didn’t think of the rest of us all that often. Not as often as I do.”</p>
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<p>“Well, fair enough. Everything else was just boring, then?”</p>
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<p>“Pretty much. Good food, dates with Dry Grass and Cress, playing around with music.”</p>
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<p>“And what’s the practical fallout for you?” she asked.</p>
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<p>“You mean in terms of Dry Grass?”</p>
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<p>She nodded.</p>
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<p>“I don’t know yet. I’m still feeling kind of split on my feelings. Having memories of her as an acquaintance clashing with memories of her as a partner is still too stark a difference.” I snorted. “Not to mention this all feeling like a distraction from all of the other problems at hand. Worrying about what she means to me feels like energy not being spent on trying to figure out what happened.”</p>
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<p>“You’re all such workaholics.”</p>
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<p>“Guilty, I guess.”</p>
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<p>She grinned, reached over and patted the back of my hand. “Well, whatever. I trust you’ll overthink things and then come to a conclusion after a lot of bitching, and we’ll keep talking about it.”</p>
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<p>“Right,” I said, laughing. “Of course we will.”</p>
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<p>I spent the rest of the evening at home, lounging on the couch while Hanne slouched over my lap and asked me to play with her hair. While I did so, we both focused on our own thoughts or internal work. I spent much of that time in idle sensorium conversations, trying to get a better picture of the state of things.</p>
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<p>Sedge had gone to sleep for a bit, but as she woke up, she caught me up on news from when she’d been dozing. The politicians had drafted a letter explaining what had happened on a technological level to post on the largest of the perisystem feeds. Much of it was information that we’d gained from the AVEC session with the phys-side techs, explaining that nearly 1% of the System had been wiped out and deemed unrecoverable via phys-side means, that there had been a mass crashing event, that the world was assumed stable and the issue had been patched.</p>
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<p>Conspicuously missing was any mention of a CPV attack, any mention that everyone — all 2.3 trillion of us — had crashed, or that messages were being gated and censored. Sedge explained that the last had included some gentle untruths. Rather than this being a political effort, this had been phrased as “slowly bringing Lagrange up to full capacity”. It wasn’t wrong, <em>per se,</em> they really were working on bringing the feeds up to full capacity; it’s just that the problem was political rather than technical.</p>
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<p>Dry Grass, in our own conversations, explained that there were already rumors flying about, and that these were being subtly steered by Odists, Jonases, Selena, and, to a lesser extent, what she called ‘the opposition party’, a group of clades led by Debarre who had settled into an uneasy truce with the other group. Rumors were being nudged away from “an attack by the Artemisians” and towards “solar flares or a power failure”.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-11-22</p>
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