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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2023-09-15 10:10:10 -07:00
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writing/3/terrifying/intro.html
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@ -52,9 +52,29 @@ of the terrifying, which we can only just endure.\footnote{\cite[11]{duino}}</p>
<p>Anything I make that is at all meaningful to me — that is, anything that I feel is worth sharing — is too much to ask others to engage with. “How dare you,” it says. “How dare you ask that others consider your work meaningful.”\footnote{\cite{ally-making-of}}</p>
</blockquote>
<p>How dare I! How dare I take up that space! And with malice and aforethought!</p>
<p>I use my will to wedge myself into the world. I project an intent and make myself known. I speak up and then cringe at the sound of my voice.</p>
<p>I use my will to wedge myself into the world. I project an intent and make myself known. I speak up and then cringe at the sound of my voice, and even my love poems, written but unsent, cringe away from my presence.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I live my life in eternal terror<br />
of the completeness of your own.<br />
I take up so little space<br />
and impinge upon it so gently,<br />
I only hope that there is space enough<br />
for a &lsquo;dear&rsquo; here and a &lsquo;lovely&rsquo; there.<br />
If beauty is at the edge of the terrifying,<br />
I live my life in eternal terror.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>But, ah! My friends, all those who promised I wasn&rsquo;t a burden back when that was a thing I would ask them about, they all clap! They clap and smile and tell me that I&rsquo;ve done a good thing.</p>
<p>Don&rsquo;t they know I&rsquo;m working hard at defining my boundaries? Don&rsquo;t they know they&rsquo;re praising me for violating those very same boundaries? Frankly, it&rsquo;s quite rude.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Cover me, crush me, compress me.<br />
Squeeze me down until I fit in your pocket.<br />
Let me jangle among your keys,<br />
or slip between bills in your wallet.<br />
Forget me, let me fray, let me fall apart.<br />
And, some day, pull me free,<br />
dust me off, flatten me out,<br />
and tell me that you love me.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>But I am working at getting better at accepting that sort of feedback. I&rsquo;m trying to accept that taking up space is even allowed.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>And we marvel at it so because it holds back in serene disdain<br />