update from sparkleup
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Madison Scott-Clary
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<p>Douglas swallowed a few times, working up enough saliva to un-parch his throat. “Ioan? Is that you?”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed, nodded. “Well spotted. Now, do you want to get dressed?”</p>
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<p>“Please,” he said, looking around for clothes. There was only the gray floor, gray walls, gray ceiling.</p>
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<p>“Okay. I had to look up the script for this, so I hope it makes sense to you. Close your eyes and think about the outfit you know best. It doesn’t have to be one that you love or anything, just the one that you’re most used to. Got it?”</p>
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<p>“Okay, bear with me. I had to look up the script for this, so I hope it makes sense to you. Close your eyes and think about the outfit you know best. It doesn’t have to be one that you love or anything, just the one that you’re most used to. Got it?”</p>
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<p>He squeezed his eyes shut. “Mmhm.”</p>
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<p>“Now, deep breath in and think to yourself, then say to yourself, “I really wish I was wearing this now” as you breathe out.”</p>
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<p>“Now, deep breath in and think to yourself, say to yourself if you feel it necessary, “I really wish I was wearing this now” as you breathe out.”</p>
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<p>“Aloud?”</p>
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<p>“If you’d like.”</p>
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<p>Douglas nodded, though he knew Ioan couldn’t see him. Holding in his mind the jumpsuit he had worn for the last twenty or more years aboard the station, the one he had to wear every single day, whether he wanted or not, he breathed in, held it in his mind, and breathed out.</p>
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<p>Suddenly, as if it had always been there, he felt the thin fabric beneath his hands. There were even the briefs beneath that. “Weird,” he mumbled.</p>
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<p>“May I turn around now?”</p>
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<p>He looked down at himself, along his arms and legs, seeing that the oh-so-familiar jumpsuit was just as he remembered, then said, “Sure.”</p>
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<p>Ioan nodded and turned to face him, smiling broadly. Ey looked over him searchingly, then laughed. “Is that your work outfit?”</p>
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<p>Ioan nodded and turned to face him, smiling. Ey looked over him searchingly, then laughed. “Is that your work uniformt?”</p>
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<p>“It’s my only outfit,” he said. “No other clothes aboard the station. Too much risk of them getting in the way.”</p>
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<p>“Well, fair enough,” the historian said. Douglas could see now that the sweater vest was patterned in a dusty gray argyle and that there was even an understated bow tie to bring the look together. Ey stepped forward, hand out. “Douglas Hadje, nice to meet you at last.”</p>
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<p>“Well, fair enough,” the historian said. Douglas could see now that the sweater vest was patterned in a dusty gray argyle and that there was even an understated bow tie to bring the look together. Ey stepped forward, hand extended. “Douglas Hadje, it’s nice to meet you at last.”</p>
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<p>He was surprised at how relieved he felt, even laughing as he accepted the hand to shake. “Wonderful! This is really strange. After a year of talking, it still feels like we’re meeting for the first time.”</p>
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<p>“Didn’t you say you had a long distance partner?”</p>
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<p>“Well, yes, but we talked over the ‘net in sims.”</p>
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<p>“Didn’t you say you had a long distance partner? Isn’t that close?”</p>
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<p>“Well, yes, but we talked over the ‘net in sims. That’s like proximity.”</p>
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<p>Ioan blinked, then nodded, grinning. “Right, right. Well, how’re you feeling? I remember I was pretty disoriented for a while after uploading.”</p>
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<p>Douglas looked around. The walls offered little but more gray and a faint grid of darker grey, as though made of panels a meter on a side. Ioan looked…well, ordinary, is all he could think. Ey looked like a normal person of Eastern European stock. Eir clothes looked as detailed as could be expected phys-side, and eir hand felt as much like a normal hand as any. “It’s so…normal,” he said, finally.</p>
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<p>“Yeah, I guess it is. I’m nearing a century here, so I’m used to it.”</p>
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<p>“You still look like you’re in your twenties or thirties. I guess that’s kind of weird. Is that how you looked before uploading?”</p>
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<p>Douglas looked around. The walls offered little but more gray and a faint grid of darker grey, as though made of panels a meter on a side. Ioan looked…well, ordinary, is all he could think. Ey looked like a normal person of Eastern European stock. Eir clothes looked as detailed as could be expected phys-side, and eir hand felt as much like a normal hand as any.</p>
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<p>“It’s so…normal,” he said, finally.</p>
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<p>“Yeah, I guess it is. I’m nearing a century here, so I’m used to it by now. It is normal to me.”</p>
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<p>“You still look like you’re in your twenties or thirties, which I guess that’s kind of weird. Is that how you looked before uploading?”</p>
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<p>“More or less,” ey said. “I didn’t dress as well. And I was skinnier, too. I guess this is how I saw myself after a while, though.”</p>
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<p>Douglass looked em up and down. “You can gain weight, here?”</p>
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<p>“No, no. Just that as your image of yourself changes, when you fork, those changes have a tendency to show up.” Ey grinned wryly. “You’ll see with May. She’s far more adept than anyone I’ve met, except perhaps her cocladist, Dear, at shaping how she looks when she forks.”</p>
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@ -62,7 +63,7 @@
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<p>“Alright. You, #a33b8ac, go through the same exercise and think to yourself, “I’d like to quit.” Again, you’ll need that intention, like you’re done with your task. But Douglas,” ey cautioned. “You just watch. Don’t do the same, of course.”</p>
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<p>Douglas nodded and focused on keeping his eyes open. Just to be safe, he thought, <em>I’d like to stay around.</em></p>
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<p>He watched as that other version of him hesitated, closed his eyes, breathed in, and then disappeared. After that, it was just as Ioan had said, as though there were a pressure of memories. He focused on them, and realized he <em>could</em> remember. He could remember shouting and jumping, remember watching Ioan and himself have conversation.</p>
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<p>“Very weird,” he mumbled</p>
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<p>“Very weird,” he mumbled.</p>
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<p>“You’ll get used to it over time. You’re in it for the long haul, now.”</p>
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<p>They stood in silence for a while, Douglas’s mind churning while Ioan waited patiently. There was so much to take in all at once, he could easily see how one could get overwhelmed.</p>
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<p>“Alright,” he said. “What’s the plan from here?”</p>
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@ -71,16 +72,16 @@
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<p>“You’ll get used to them. You’ll, uh…you’ll find that you can’t actually forget anything, here, but that’s a problem for future Douglas. Ready?”</p>
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<p>He nodded, deciding this time to try keeping his eyes open. As he breathed the intention, he was suddenly standing in a sprawling field. Green grass speckled with dandelions as far as he could see in every direction, all lit by a salmon-colored sunset.</p>
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<p>There was no transition, he was just…there, as though that’s where he’d always been.</p>
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<p>A memory tugged itself loose, and he quickly bent down to pluck at one of the flowers. “Ioan,” he said shakily. “Is this…I mean…”</p>
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<p>“Michelle’s old sim, yes. I wanted the first place you saw to be one that was important to you.” Ey paused a moment, then said, “If it’s alright, can I ask how you feel about that?”</p>
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<p>A memory tugged itself loose, something May Then My Name had said, and he quickly bent down to pluck at one of the flowers. “Ioan,” he said shakily. “Is this…I mean…”</p>
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<p>“Michelle’s old sim, yes. I wanted the first place you saw to be one that was important to you. I hope that’s okay.” Ey paused a moment, then said, “If it’s alright, can I ask how you feel about that?”</p>
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<p>“Is this for your history?”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “If you consent.”</p>
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<p>“I suppose so.” He sat down on the grass, hardly daring to breathe in through his nose, lest he figure out just what it meant for something to smell like muffins. Tears stung his eyes, and it took a while for him to be able to breathe deep enough to speak. “I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I’m home, but also not where I should be at all, like I’m intruding on somewhere that should’ve been left pristine.”</p>
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<p>Ioan sat down next to him. “Are you worried about that? Would you like to go elsewhere?”</p>
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<p>“No, no. I like it here, I’m just overwhelmed. I’ve been…” He rubbed tears away with his sleeve. “I’ve just been thinking about this for so long…I don’t know.”</p>
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<p>“And do they smell like muffins?”</p>
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<p>Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then slowly lifted the yellow flower to his nose, struggling against the urge to keep that knowledge a dream rather than a reality. Then, he breathed in the sweet, vegetal scent, and began to cry in earnest.</p>
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<p>Ioan sat with him in kind quiet. As ey had so long ago, ey didn’t say anything, didn’t try to comfort him, didn’t touch him, just sat and remained present. It was as though he were there simply to witness those emotions and give testimony to them, and that, more than anything, made him feel complete.</p>
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<p>Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then slowly lifted the yellow flower to his nose, struggling against the urge to keep that knowledge a dream rather than a reality. Then he breathed in the sweet, vegetal scent, and began to cry in earnest.</p>
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<p>Ioan sat with him in kind quiet. As ey had so long ago, ey didn’t say anything, didn’t try to comfort him, didn’t touch him, just sat and remained present. It was as though he were there simply to witness those emotions and give testimony to them, and that, more than anything, made him feel welcome here. Welcome with Ioan, welcome in the field, welcome in the System.</p>
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<p>After the wave crested and then passed, he said. “Alright, so, what’s the plan?”</p>
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<p>“You just stay the night here. You can think up a mattress or anything else you need to be comfortable. We’ll be by tomorrow mid-morning for a picnic. I’m happy to stay, too, if you’d like, or give you space.”</p>
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<p>“Won’t May Then My Name miss– oh, right. You’re a fork, aren’t you?”</p>
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