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<p>“I can’t picture anything having a bigger tail than you, May. Definitely outrageous.”</p>
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<p>“I thought you liked my tail.”</p>
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<p>“I do!”</p>
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<p>She laughed and dotted her nose against eir cheek. “Excellent, I shall allow you to live another day.”</p>
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<p>She laughed and dotted her nose against eir cheek. “Excellent, I shall allow you to live another day. I had considered becoming a panther for some time, but I like my tail too much.”</p>
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<p>“You know, I’ve always wondered,” ey said, getting an arm around her. “Why did the most political stanza of the clade stay skunks? Wouldn’t it be more effective to be humans? It’s not like the majority of folks on the Systems are furries.”</p>
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<p>“Only three of the ten are skunks anymore, and you have met all three. Besides, I think End Waking is the only one of the three of us who has not spent time in human form. Some of me in other relationships were — or perhaps are — humans. I spent six months with you in that form, even, remember?”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “It was pretty weird.”</p>
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<article class="content">
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<h1 id="ioan-balan-2350">Ioan Bălan — 2350</h1>
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<p>Once they were fed and Debarre was safely on his way home — or at least merged down-tree — Ioan begged off from talking any further and trudged down the hall to the spare room he borrowed whenever May needed space. Ey claimed to need a nap and, while ey was certainly tired enough, sleep seemed unlikely</p>
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<p>Once they were fed and Debarre was safely on his way home — or at least merged down-tree — Ioan begged off from talking any further and trudged down the hall to the spare room he borrowed whenever May needed space. Ey claimed to need a nap and, while ey was certainly tired enough, sleep seemed unlikely.</p>
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<p>The walk and cry in the field before ey’d joined Douglas at his house had been necessary, but also had only served to highlight just how woefully out of eir depth ey truly was.</p>
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<p>“Hi Sarah,” ey said, starting a simplex sensorium message. “Sorry to bother you, and sorry we haven’t spoken in a few weeks. I know I was vague when I canceled our last appointment, but things have gone completely sideways. I’m not totally sure how open you’d be to this, but can we meet and talk, even if I’m restricted to talking in very general terms about what’s going on? I need to talk to someone who can help me sort through my thoughts around it, I just can’t share details yet. It has to do with True Name, so I’m sure you can appreciate just how complicated it is. Let me know if that’s alright. I’m…I’m at Douglas’s for a few days. Thanks.”</p>
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<p>Then, ey lay down on the bed, still dressed and over the covers, and stared at the ceiling, trying to think about as little as possible.</p>
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<p>She nodded, gestured for em to continue.</p>
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<p>“Well, she…hmm. She ran into some interpersonal trouble that was dramatic enough to require staying around people well enough known on the System that she’d be safe.” Ey winced, adding, “I know that’s not much to go by. Either way, she’s staying in our place. She’s been fairly self-contained, but not totally so, so there’s been some interaction between the three of us. Before you ask, it was May’s idea in the first place, and while there have been a few rough spots, it’s gone far smoother than I would have thought.”</p>
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<p>“Still, I imagine that just having the anxiety of it potentially going rough doesn’t feel good.”</p>
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<p>“Not at all, no. I feel like I’m constantly on guard, always ready to jump in and smooth things out, even if I haven’t really had to do so. I’m trying to let them both just do their own thing, though, and every time I catch myself feeling that way, I try to change contexts.”</p>
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<p>“Not at all, no. I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly on guard, always ready to jump in and smooth things out, even if I haven’t really had to do so. I’m trying to let them both just do their own thing, though, and every time I catch myself feeling that way, I try to change contexts.”</p>
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<p>“That’s good,” she said. “Has it been helping, at least?”</p>
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<p>“If you’d asked me that a few days ago, I would have said yes, but now that I’m here and struggling to hold it together, I’m not so sure. I think I was just pushing it down without…I don’t know, redirecting it or dealing with it.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “Alright. I want to come back to that, but I interrupted your overview. Can you tell me what else happened?”</p>
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<p>“But…well. So there’s two things that I think fall out of this that I’d get the most out of talking about. The first is that I’m having a lot of complicated feelings surrounding True Name throughout this, and the second is that May did mention that she’d been considering merging down with her until the previous merge went so sideways.”</p>
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<p>She looked down to the grass thoughtfully as they walked. “Can you tell me about how you feel about the merge, first?”</p>
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<p>“I didn’t really get the chance to ask her about why it was that she was considering merging. We promised to talk about it more, but after that, things happened pretty quickly. There’s a weird sort of jealousy that goes along with it. May and I have built our own life completely independent of True Name. We bowed out of politics and writing these grand, System-spanning tales and focused on just being together. That’s why I got into writing plays, I think: it was a way for me to do the things that felt comfortable for me in a way that didn’t involve being involved in all these crazy goings-on.</p>
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<p>“So we built our life together. True Name respected that, too. She would ask about May and I, and seemed earnestly happy that we’d gone and done something so…normal.”</p>
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<p>“So we built our life together. True Name respected that, too. She would ask about me and May, and seemed earnestly happy that we’d gone and done something so…normal.”</p>
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<p>“Do you think she’s envious of that?”</p>
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<p>Ey frowned and scuffed a heel through the grass. “I don’t know, honestly. Again, if you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said probably not, that she’s got her own things that make her happy which don’t involve putting on plays or poking fun at each other. Now, though I’m not so sure. This whole thing about the merge adds another layer onto that, because suddenly, True Name would have all of those memories.”</p>
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<p>Ey frowned and scuffed a heel through the grass. “I don’t know, honestly. Again, if you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said probably not, that she’s got her own things that make her happy which don’t involve putting on plays or poking fun at each other. Now, though, I’m not so sure. This whole thing about the merge adds another layer onto that, because suddenly, True Name would have all of those memories.”</p>
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<p>“Does it bother you that she would have the memories, or are you worried about her having those emotions? Do you worry she’d start feeling about you the way that May Then My Name does?”</p>
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<p>“Well, shit.” Ey groaned. “I didn’t even think about that. Like, we’ve talked about what her having memories of loving me would mean, but always past-tense. I didn’t think about if she herself — she as True Name I mean — would pick up on exactly how May felt about me as well. I have no clue. Maybe on some level I do worry, though. I like the way May feels about me. We’ve talked about jealousy a few times, and it often comes up that she feels devoted to me. I’m really not sure how I’d feel having that come from another, never mind one that I have as complicated a relationship with as I do with True Name.”</p>
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<p>“Does this tie in with the complicated feelings you mentioned, then?”</p>
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<p>She smiled. “I suspected so. I’m used to it, now. So, before I continue, are you looking to work on disentangling this, some ideas for where to go next, or just talking?”</p>
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<p>“I wouldn’t turn down an idea or two, but I’ve already gotten a lot out of having the chance to talk through the emotional side. There are a few others in the loop that I’ve been able to talk with, but that’s all been about logistics, or about May and True Name rather than myself.” Ey sighed, adding, “I was a mess when I first got here. Doesn’t feel great to say, but I spent so much energy on them I kind of forgot to take care of myself.”</p>
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<p>“That it doesn’t feel great to say is a sign that you care deeply enough to not want to detract from that energy, so it’s not a bad thing, but you do need to take care of yourself, yes.” She looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “Alright. I know you said they’re both currently overflowing, but what do you think about talking with each of them about how you’re feeling about this?”</p>
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<p>“Uh, well, I mean” ey stammered. “I guess I should, yeah.”</p>
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<p>“Uh, well, I mean,” ey stammered. “I guess I should, yeah.”</p>
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<p>“‘Should’?”</p>
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<p>“Right. Should statement. I’d like to, but they both feel kind of fraught. Talking with May about being friends with True Name has come up before but feels fraught with how they feel about each other, or at least felt about each other. Hell, I don’t know how I’d tell True NameI care about her, either. And I don’t particularly want to be the one to broach May merging down with True Name, either. That feels like a conversation they should start as cocladists.”</p>
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<p>“They’re complicated topics, and I’m not saying you <em>must</em> talk about them, but it’ll only help for the three of you to all be on the same page. It’d be a good exercise for you being more active, as well.”</p>
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<p>“Right. Should statement. I’d like to, but they both feel kind of fraught. Talking with May about being friends with True Name has come up before but feels fraught with how they feel about each other, or at least felt about each other. Hell, I don’t know how I’d tell True Name I care about her, either. And I don’t particularly want to be the one to broach May merging down with True Name. That feels like a conversation they should start as cocladists.”</p>
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<p>“They’re complicated topics, and I’m not saying you <em>must</em> talk about them, but it’ll only help for the three of you to all be on the same page. It’d be a good exercise for you to be more active, as well.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>“You look like you’re fading. Want to call it for now and then we can get in touch soon?”</p>
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<p>“Uh, yeah, probably,” ey said. It was only just settling into evening, but the nap still had em out of sorts. “Thank you, though. This was immensely helpful. I don’t think any of us are in a position to hold to a schedule at the moment, given further complicated stuff going on behind the scenes, but I’ll definitely be in touch when I can, and will nudge both of them to do the same.”</p>
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<p>“I’ll certainly try.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-08-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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<p>“I missed you, Ioan, why would I wait?”</p>
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<p>Ey nudged at her snout with eir chin. “Well, I missed you too, so it works out. Just surprised to see you here so soon.”</p>
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<p>“I am not feeling spectacular, but I am feeling well enough to not be alone. Now does not feel like a good time to be alone.” She leaned back enough to smile at em, and though it was a little shaky and her face was still a mess, ey was pleased to see that it was earnest. “Are you okay, my dear? I do not imagine it was the best of times for this to happen.”</p>
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<p>Remembering eir conversation with Sarah only two days back, ey checked the urge to refocus on the topic on her, instead saying, “It was a little rough, yeah. I got in touch with Sarah and set up an emergency thing a few hours after I got here.”</p>
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<p>Remembering eir conversation with Sarah only two days back, ey checked the urge to refocus the conversation on her, instead saying, “It was a little rough, yeah. I got in touch with Sarah and set up an emergency thing a few hours after I got here.”</p>
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<p>“I am sorry, Ioan.”</p>
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<p>“Hush, it’s not on you. Plus, I canceled the last one, so it was good to catch up with her about what’s going on, if only in very general terms. I guess I just kind of overflowed a little, myself. Everything’s been so stressful the last few weeks and I didn’t feel like I could do anything about it.”</p>
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<p>“And did you come to any conclusions?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know,” she said eventually. Her voice sounded far away, older than Ioan had ever heard it sound before. “I wish I did, but I do not know.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-08-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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<p>“Like you are roughing it.”</p>
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<p>She rolled her eyes.</p>
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<p>“Look, why are you really out here?” Ioan asked. “Clearly it isn’t just to say hi, and clearly you got access somehow. Got news from Jonas or something?”</p>
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<p>“Very preceptive!” Zacharias said, grinning happily. “Just out here checking up on True Name to see if she has any further thoughts on our little gathering.”</p>
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<p>“Very perceptive!” Zacharias said, grinning happily. “Just out here checking up on True Name to see if she has any further thoughts on our little gathering.”</p>
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<p>“Checking up on someone you tried to assassinate?”</p>
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<p>“Oh goodness, not me! You can place the blame for that squarely on Jonas.”</p>
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<p>May laughed humorlessly. “Right, and poor Zack just had to sit by and–“</p>
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<p>Ioan couldn’t guess why the two skunks had felt it was necessary, but ey needed something to try and blunt the edges of that anger that still spun within em. Ey wasn’t sure ey’d ever truly felt fury before, but it turned out that watching eir partner get struck across the face was a really, really good way to bring out the emotion.</p>
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<p>Ey didn’t like it at all.</p>
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<p>Once ey’d reached the bottom of eir glass, ey sighed and said, “Alright. What the hell was that about?”</p>
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<p>“Jonas felt the need to show a bit of muscle,” True Name said, voice flat and dull. “He wanted to rub it in my face that he still has Zacharias in his pocket, that he knows where I am. I do not think he actually cared about asking me when we would meet, he was just making his leverage felt. I suspect he was planning on you two showing up, as well, now that I think about it.”</p>
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<p>“Jonas felt the need to show a bit of muscle,” True Name said, voice flat and dull. “He wanted to rub it in my face that he still has Zacharias in his pocket, that he knows where I am. I do not think he actually cared about asking me when we would meet, he was just making his leverage felt. I suspect he was planning on you two showing up as well, now that I think about it.”</p>
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<p>“Why?”</p>
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<p>“To ensure that you also saw that power. If you two are to come to the meeting — as I think you must — then he wants you both to know that he will be there with a stacked deck.” She rubbed a paw up over her snout, adding, “I am sorry that you had to meet him.”</p>
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<p>Ioan shook eir head. “Was he always such an asshole?”</p>
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<p>Still grinning, True Name nodded. “That is quite enough of the topic, yes. I am going to go outside for a bit and then I am going to go to bed.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-08-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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