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<li class="done1"> <a href="reverse/younes.html">Younes</a> — Gender play and hidden selves</li>
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<li class="done0"> <a href="reverse/dysphoria.html">Dysphoria</a> — The internal side</li>
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<li class="done0"> <a href="reverse/clash.html">Clash with Jill</a> — Stopped talking, told off for Younes, told to fuck off</li>
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<li class="done0"> <a href="reverse/choice.html">The choice of Job</a></li>
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<li class="done1"> <a href="reverse/choice.html">The choice of Job</a></li>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="workshop-notes.html">Workshop notes</a></p>
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<p>Pals quotes:</p>
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<p><a href="theology-points.html">theology points</a></p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-06-26</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-08-23</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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<blockquote>
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<p>But what does it mean to believe in something like [the irreversibility of time]? Or the sanctity of life or love or art? Or God, for that matter? ‘Belief’ as a word is a stand-in for a concept so broad as to be to be intimidating or impossible. One may say as Blake did, “For everything that lives is holy”, but encompassing that within one’s mind is truly terrifying. \parencite[122]{mitzvot}</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>This point implies for some an ideal of least faith: that one should strive to live their life taking the least number of things on faith as possible, that to rely too much on faith becomes a fault. For others, it is a principle of least faith: it is an intrinsic property that we tend towards the least amount of faith required to live, as is evidenced by the ever-increasing understanding of the world around ourselves.</p>
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<p>All of those things in which we have faith, whether it’s, as True Name says above, the sanctity of life or love or art, or perhaps God, circle around the unknown. The are perhaps too hot to touch directly, so we define them apophatically. We circle around them along with these simple words — life, love, art, God — and hope that we can divine their shape by the shadow of our passage. We circle and circle and circle, and our wandering steps wear down the earth beneath our feet until that which we explore is left on higher land. The elevation of unknown things is a constant and collective process.</p>
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<p>I’m Madison now. I’m no closer to defining what it means to be transgender. Were I pressed to describe what it feels like, I may have the words — it feels like an oscillation between dys- and euphoria as I move further away and closer to this sense of identity — but I don’t have the connection to those words that makes them feel <em>real,</em> feel <em>true.</em></p>
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<p>This point of least faith implies for some an <em>ideal</em> of least faith: that one should strive to live their life taking the least number of things on faith as possible, that to rely too much on faith becomes a fault. For others, it is a principle of least faith: it is an intrinsic property that we tend towards the least amount of faith required to live, as is evidenced by the ever-increasing understanding of the world around ourselves.</p>
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<p>And, perhaps because of that principle, this point of least faith is always shifting, trending usually downwards — though some discoveries, if they are to be believed, may make that line tick upwards. Every day, we drift towards some point at which all things may be known.</p>
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<p>Or, to speak in terms of cost and benefit, that point of least faith is the point of faith at its most disinterested. It is the point at which you may hold one singular thing on faith rather than all of those countless aspects that lie within that exchange, that power dynamic. That point where, against all the world throws at us, we are still able to hold to that which we believe to be true.</p>
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<p>And that was mine. That was my point of least faith. That was the point at which I…’doubted’ is not quite the right word. That was the point at which I shouted at nothing, the point at which I demanded an advocate from no one. That was the point that God, the universe, that very same no one answered my note of interrogation with one of exclamation. Instead of some explicable approach to the problem of identity, it insisted that it is much stranger than I had ever thought.</p>
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<p>The path of Qohelet lay before me. That was the path of disinterested faith, of pushing through all that shit that the world had thrown at me. That was the path of looking back to see folly and looking ahead to find that, yes, “wisdom surpasses folly as light surpasses darkness.” (Qohelet 2:13, Alter) That was accepting my birth as Madison on the grounds of that faith that I was being true to myself. Sure, I may yet hate life, might hate what choice I’d made, might hate all things under the sun because the wise, too, dies like a fool.</p>
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<p>But I would have at least done it.</p>
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<p>I was young, once, and dumb. I can hardly say I’m any smarter, now, but at least I’m Madison. At least I’m not that angsty, angry asshole who thought to himself he needed to come to terms with being a terrible person.</p>
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<p>All of those things in which we have faith, whether it’s, as True Name says above, the sanctity of life or love or art, or perhaps God, circle around the unknown.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-08-23</p>
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