update from sparkleup
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<p>“See? You’re so weird.”</p>
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<p>“I guess we are,” I said, smiling and nudging Hanne upright once more. “No dozing off, now. Not yet.”</p>
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<p>She grumbled and rubbed at her face. “Sorry if that came off as rude. I guess it’s just outside my understanding.”</p>
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<p>I scooted up onto the couch, myself, sitting cross-legged to face her. “It’s okay. It’s not wrong, even, I just don’t think it’s wholly right, either. It’s a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives to the fullest, and it’s their intent to let us do so and yet still be able to experience that at one layer of remove. We’ve been doing it for a century, and it’s worked out well enough since then. If all this–” I waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, “–is just a dream, if we’re all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However may billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own.”</p>
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<p>I scooted up onto the couch, myself, sitting cross-legged to face her. “It’s okay. It’s not wrong, even, I just don’t think it’s wholly right, either. It’s a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives to the fullest, and it’s their intent to let us do so and yet still be able to experience that at one layer of remove. We’ve been doing it for a century, and it’s worked out well enough since then. If all this–” I waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, “–is just a dream, if we’re all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However many billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own.”</p>
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<p>“I think we broke two trillion instances a while back. I don’t know how may uploads, but I don’t think it’s hit a trillion yet. Probably only forty billion or so.”</p>
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<p>“Right. Sorry, guess I’m kinda rambly when I’m drunk.”</p>
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<p>Leaning forward, she gave me a light kiss. “It’s okay, I like it when you ramble. Just don’t lose track of the time.”</p>
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@ -85,7 +85,7 @@
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<p>“See? You’re so weird.”</p>
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<p>“I guess we are,” I said, smiling and nudging Hanne upright once more. A flash of <em>déjà vu</em> struck me squarely in the right temple, a headache amid the buzz of alcohol. “Hey now, no falling asleep on me.”</p>
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<p>“Right, sorry. Still, uh…still fifteen minutes.” She grumbled and rubbed at her face. “Sorry if that came off as rude. I guess it’s just outside my understanding.”</p>
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<p>I scooted up onto the couch, myself, sitting cross-legged to face her. “It’s okay. It’s not wrong, come to think of it, I just don’t think it’s wholly right, either, you know? It’s more a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives doing as we will rather than as they would, and it’s their intent to let us do so — and by not interfering, even with communication, <em>force</em> us to do so — and yet still be able to experience that almost like a dream. They forked us off a century ago, me, Lily, and Cress, and we’ve been doing it ever since, and it’s worked out well enough since then. They’re more than just Marsh, now. They’re Marsh and all of us. If all this–” I waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, “–is just a dream, if we’re all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However may billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own.”</p>
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<p>I scooted up onto the couch, myself, sitting cross-legged to face her. “It’s okay. It’s not wrong, come to think of it, I just don’t think it’s wholly right, either, you know? It’s more a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives doing as we will rather than as they would, and it’s their intent to let us do so — and by not interfering, even with communication, <em>force</em> us to do so — and yet still be able to experience that almost like a dream. They forked us off a century ago, me, Lily, and Cress, and we’ve been doing it ever since, and it’s worked out well enough since then. They’re more than just Marsh, now. They’re Marsh and all of us. If all this–” I waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, “–is just a dream, if we’re all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However many billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own.”</p>
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<p>“I think we broke two trillion instances a while back. I don’t know how may uploads, but I don’t think it’s hit a trillion yet.”</p>
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<p>“Right. Sorry, guess I’m kinda rambly when I’m drunk.”</p>
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<p>Leaning forward, she gave me a light kiss. “You know I like it when you ramble. Just don’t lose track of the time.” She stood up straight again and squinted out towards nothing. “Weird. <em>Déjà vu.</em>“</p>
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@ -95,12 +95,12 @@
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<p>With a press of will, I forked, bringing into being beside the couch a new instance of myself. Exactly the same. <em>Exactly</em>. Had such a thing any meaning to the uploaded consciousness, we would have been the same down to the atomic level, to the subatomic. All of the memories, all of the personality, all of the love and hate and past that made us <em>us</em>.</p>
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<p>For a fraction of a second, at least. From there, we began to diverge, each remembering things differently. The Reed that still sat on the couch heard Hanne rummaging in the kitchen from <em>this</em> angle, and yet the one that stood beside the couch heard her from that. The one that sat on the couch felt the fire on his cheek, the one standing felt it on his back.</p>
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<p>I closed my eyes to turn down one of my senses, taking one more sip of the sweet-smelling brandy before setting it aside to rid myself of another two as best I could. I sat and spent a moment processing, savoring the memories. Rush had merged down first; ve had split off a new copy of verself then the original had quit. On doing so, all the memories ve’d formed over the last year fell down onto me, ready to be remembered like some forgotten word on the tip of my tongue: all I needed to do was actually remember. Clearly, Tule had already forked and merged back down into Sedge, as their combined memories piled yet more weight on me. Three sets of memories — two from my direct up-tree instances and one from a second-degree up-tree instance — rested on my mind, ready for integration.</p>
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<p>There would be time for full perusal and remembering later. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and I needed to get the memories sorted into my own, interleaved and zippered together into as cohesive a whole as I could manage, all — or, at least, almost all — conflicts addressed (though with as separate as their lives had been until then, there was thankfully quite little in the way of conflicting memories), so that, shortly before midnight, I could fork and quit, myself, letting that new copy of myself live out the next year with Hanne, with all their joys and sorrows, while my original instance quit and let all those memories — those of Rush, Sedge, Tule, and myself — fall to Marsh to process, savor, and treasure for themself.</p>
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<p>There would be time for full perusal and remembering later. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and I needed to get the memories sorted into my own, interleaved and zippered together into as cohesive a whole as I could manage, all — or, at least, almost all — conflicts addressed (though with as separate as their lives had been until then, there was thankfully quite little in the way of conflicting memories), so that, shortly before midnight, I could quit, myself, letting that new copy of myself live out the next year with Hanne, with all their joys and sorrows, while my original instance quit and let all those memories — those of Rush, Sedge, Tule, and myself — fall to Marsh to process, savor, and treasure for themself.</p>
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<p>After so many New Years Eves, it had all become routine. Some years, I kept the memories, some not. It had been a nearly a decade since I’d bothered — I always checked with Rush, Sedge, and Tule before keeping their memories — and there didn’t seem to be any reason to do different this year.</p>
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<p>I heard Hanne return, heard her climb back onto the couch before me, felt her press a cold glass of water into my hand.</p>
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<p>Five minutes left.</p>
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<p>Two.</p>
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<p>23:59, and I opened my eyes. “Well, seems like it’s been a pleasant enough year. I’ll deal with all the rest of that later.”</p>
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<p>23:59, and I opened my eyes. “Well, seems like it’s been a pleasant enough year. Marsh can deal with all the rest of that later.”</p>
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<p>“It continues to amaze just how good you are at that.”</p>
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<p>“What, merging that much at once?”</p>
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<p>She nodded.</p>
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@ -115,12 +115,12 @@
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<p>Then frowned.</p>
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<p>“Something wrong?”</p>
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<p>I held up a finger and closed my eyes. Once more, I thought to myself, <em>I’m ready to quit</em>, then then willed that to be reality. </p>
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<p>Rather than the sudden nothingness that should have followed, I felt the System balk. Resist. I felt an elastic sensation that I’d never felt before. There was a barrier between me and the ability to quit. I felt it, tested it, probed and explored. It was undeniably present, and though I sensed that I could probably have pressed through it if I desired, it was as though Lagrange desperately did not want me to quit. It didn’t want the Reed of now to leave the System.</p>
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<p>Rather than the sudden nothingness — or sudden oneness for Marsh — that should have followed, I felt the System balk. Resist. I felt an elastic sensation that I’d never felt before. There was a barrier between me and the ability to quit. I felt it, tested it, probed and explored. It was undeniably present, and though I sensed that I could probably have pressed through it if I desired, it was as though Lagrange desperately did not want me to quit. It didn’t want the Reed of now to leave the System.</p>
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<p>“I can’t.”</p>
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<p>My lingering fork took a step back, looking disconcerted.</p>
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<p>“You can’t?” Hanne tilted her head, then leaned forward to take one of my hands in her own. “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to. I don’t think Marsh will mind if you’re a few minutes late. Hell, you can even send them a message saying you don’t want to this year. I think they’ll–”</p>
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<p>“No, Hanne,” I said, carefully slipping my hand free so that I could stand. I needed to pace. “I mean I can’t. I’m not able to. It’s impossible. Or possible, but– wait, hold on.”</p>
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<p>It had been more than a decade since I’d done so, but if ever there was a time, this was it. There were very few reasons that the System would try to stop an instance from quitting and one of them…well, no– It’d been more than a decade since I had broken the communication embargo, but I sent Marsh a gentle ping.</p>
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<p>It had been more than a decade since I’d done so, but if ever there was a time, this was it. There were very few reasons that the System would try to stop an instance from quitting and one of them…well, no– It’d been more than a decade since I had broken the communication embargo we had agreed on, but I sent Marsh a gentle ping.</p>
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<p>Or <em>tried</em> to, at least.</p>
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<p>All the ping was was a gentle nudge against the recipient’s sensorium, a sense that someone was looking for them, was seeking them out, was just checking if they were free, if they were even there. From the sender’s side, it felt like a gentle touch, a brush of some more metaphorical finger against the symbolic shoulder of the recipient, a reassurance that they were indeed there.</p>
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<p>But there was nothing. I felt nothing. No sense of Marsh. Attempting to send a sensorium ping to someone that doesn’t exist just felt like daydreaming. It felt like a silly, pointless imagining, as though one was imagining that they could touch God on the shoulder or shake hands with the devil.</p>
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<p>“What?” she said, her frown deepening.</p>
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<p>“Hold on, one more sec.” I nodded to my new fork, who quit; I declined the merge. This would just have to be a year where I kept the memories. Something was wrong. I could work it out with my up-trees later.</p>
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<p>00:02.</p>
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<p>I thought across the clade, thought of one of Marsh’s other forks. Pinged Lily.</p>
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<p>I thought across the clade, thought of one of Marsh’s other forks. Pinged Lily, who was almost certainly out camping.</p>
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<p>The response was immediate, words flowing into my consciousness through some sense that wasn’t quite hearing. <em>“What’s happening? I can’t–”</em></p>
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<p>Pinged Cress, the other fork. Asked, <em>“Cress? Can you–”</em></p>
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<p><em>“What the fuck is happening?”</em> came the panicked response.</p>
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<p><em>“My place,”</em> I sent back, followed by my address. I repeated the message to Lily and, on a whim, my own up-tree instances, Rush, Sedge, and Tule.</p>
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<p>00:04.</p>
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<p>Cress arrived almost immediately along with Tule — they shared a partner, so it made sense they’d be together for the evening — leading Hanne to start back on the couch. “Reed,” she said, voice low. “What is–”</p>
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<p>Lily arrived next, already rushing forward to grab my shoulder. “You can’t either?” she said, voice full of panic.</p>
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<p>Lily arrived next, dusty and dishevelled from her day in some mountainous sim, already rushing forward to grab my shoulder. “You can’t either?” she said, voice full of panic.</p>
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<p>Before I could answer, Sedge and Rush arrived. The living room became quite crowded, all five of the other instances of the Marsh clade clamoring over each other to talk to me, the first long-lived fork from Marsh.</p>
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<p>“Reed!” Hanne shouted, standing and stamping her foot. She spoke carefully, and I could hear anger just beneath that tone. “What happened?”</p>
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<p>The rest of the clade looked to me as well, and I quailed under so many gazes. “I can’t quit. I can’t merge down. I can’t reach Marsh. They–” my voice gave out and I had to take a shaky sip of water. “They’re not on Lagrange, as far as I can tell.”</p>
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<p>00:07.</p>
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<!----->
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<p>Silence fell thick across the room. The clade — Marsh’s clade — stared, wide-eyed. Their expressions ranged from unsure to terrified. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what expression showed on my face.</p>
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<p>“Okay, no, hold on,” Hanne said, shaking her head and waving her hand. She appeared to have willed drunkenness away, much as I had, as her voice was clear, holding more frustration than the panic I felt. “Did they quit? They couldn’t have, right? You just pinged them earlier today.”</p>
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<p>I nodded.</p>
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<p>“And they said nothing about quitting?”</p>
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<p>“Nothing.”</p>
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<p>Hanne glanced around the room, singling out Marsh’s other two immediate up-tree instances, Cress and Lily. Both shook their heads.</p>
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<p>“I was just talking to them about an hour ago, actually.” Lily said. “They and Vos were wrapping up the first part of the night’s celebration and they were going to–”</p>
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<p>“I was just talking to them about an hour ago, actually.” Lily admitted. “They and Vos were wrapping up the first part of the night’s celebration and they were going to–”</p>
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<p>“Vos!” I shouted. “Shit, sorry Lily.”</p>
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<p>It took a moment for Vos to respond to my ping. <em>“Reed? It’s been a bit. What’s up?”</em></p>
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<p><em>“Is Marsh there?”</em> I sent back.</p>
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<p><em>“What’s happening?”</em> Vos sent. There was an edge of caution to her voice, the sound of a thin barrier keeping anxiety at bay.</p>
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<p><em>“Pierre?”</em></p>
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<p><em>“One second.”</em> Another pause, and then, quickly, <em>“Wait, can we just come over? What’s your address?”</em></p>
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<p>I messaged over the address, and a few seconds later, Fenne Vos and Pierre LaFontaine arrived holding hands, leading to another yelp from Hanne. </p>
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<p>I messaged over the address, and a few seconds later, Fenne Vos and Pierre LaFontaine arrived holding hands, leading to another yelp from Hanne.</p>
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<!-- Desc? -->
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<p>“You must be Vos! Hi,” she said, preempting any of Marsh’s up-tree instances. “Do you know where Marsh is?”</p>
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<p>Some small part of me looked on in admiration. Hanne had kept much of the panic that was coursing through me and my cocladists out of her voice. I could feel a shout building within me and I knew from past experiences with Vos and Pierre that that would only make things worse.</p>
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<p>“We didn’t see them around,” Vos answered, that barrier between caution and worry seemed to be giving way. “Why? If you’re all here, I’m guessing something happened.”</p>
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</ul>
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<h2 id="questions-and-notes">Questions and notes</h2>
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<ul>
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<li>Reed says “hon” rather than love</li>
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<li>The System halts out of grief at some point?</li>
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<li>‘Cladist’ rather than ‘instance’ should be the language of choice for everyone but the Odists.</li>
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<li>Come up with days/times for each chapter</li>
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</ul>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2024-04-09</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2024-04-13</p>
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</footer>
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