update from sparkleup
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@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ Ey chose the last of the poor skunk’s risotto, added a healthy dusting of
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<p>“Are they not working together?” May asked.</p>
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<p>True Name leaned back against the couch and stared out the picture windows into the yard for a few minutes as she thought. “Perhaps not, no,” she said at last. “It is difficult to reconcile those two parts of me. They are arguing, in a way. Each is strident in their belief, and some higher part of me will occasionally get stuck trying to get them to just settle down and fucking agree on a course of action or the next sentence or whatever it may be.”</p>
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<p>Ioan nodded, saying, “Sort of like Michelle and Sasha?”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “No, not quite like that, thankfully. There are some similarities — the sense of there being two parts of me, the internal split — but it is lacking the dire nature, whatever it was that made her completely helpless before the duality of her self. It is still something that I can override. I can respond as True Name would or as End Waking would, but I am still just me, and I am learning to unify those natures. I am becoming a synthesis.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “No, not quite like that, thankfully. There are some similarities — the sense of there being two parts of me, the internal split — but it is lacking the dire nature, whatever it was that made her completely helpless before the duality of her self. It is still something that I can override. I can respond as True Name would or as End Waking would, but I am still just me, and I am learning to unify those natures. I will perhaps never be singular, but I am at least becoming a synthesis.”</p>
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<!-- somewhere in here, talk about the fact that EW got in touch with her -->
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<p>May fiddled with eir sweater vest from where she lay against em. “I will admit that, for a while there, I was considering merging down with you before I saw how poorly End Waking’s merge went.” After the silence stretched out, she laughed nervously, adding, “Sorry, I suppose that is a pretty awkward thing to say.”</p>
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@ -81,7 +81,7 @@ Ey chose the last of the poor skunk’s risotto, added a healthy dusting of
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<p>“What about May’s merge would’ve been easier?” Ioan asked.</p>
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<p>“Easier does not feel like the correct word. It would have been more comfortable. I would have understood the resentment that others feel for me, but it would not be the defining factor of the merge.”</p>
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<p>“End Waking mentioned that he defined himself by not being you, yeah.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “So I have noticed. Perhaps that is why it is proving to be such a project to settle into a singular nature again. I imagine that, given that May Then My Name has defined herself through something unique to her rather than some aspect of her relation to me, it would feel strange, but not so uncomfortable. Do correct me if I am wrong, though, my dear.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “So I have noticed. Perhaps that is why it is proving to be such a project to settle into something resembling a singular nature again. I imagine that, given that May Then My Name has defined herself through something unique to her rather than some aspect of her relation to me, it would feel strange, but not so uncomfortable. Do correct me if I am wrong, though, my dear.”</p>
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<p>She shook her head.</p>
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<p>“Well, besides,” Ioan added. “She’s certainly merged down way more recently than End Waking did.”</p>
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<p>True Name tilted her head.</p>
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@ -101,7 +101,7 @@ Ey chose the last of the poor skunk’s risotto, added a healthy dusting of
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<p>“Very.” May turned her gaze back to True Name and said, “I have my apprehensions about merging, though. <em>We</em> have our apprehensions, I mean. After watching what happened with End Waking’s merge, it all felt so much more complicated.”</p>
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<p>“I do not know,” she said, voice distant. “I said that I understand your reasons for what you did. You wanted me to change. You want me to be able to approach Jonas in some new way that will hopefully allow me to come out the other side with fewer assassins on my tail, yes?”</p>
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<p>May nodded.</p>
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<p>“And I also think I understand your reasons for wanting to merge down. It would make me understand your compunctions about me in a very real way, and would make me all the more complete of a person, yes?”</p>
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<p>“And I also think I understand your reasons for wanting to merge down. It would make me understand your compunctions about me in a very real way, and would make me all the more complete a person in your eyes, yes?”</p>
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<p>Another nod.</p>
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<p>“I am amenable to both of those, then. But, May Then My Name, coming at this with both full knowledge and as an open conversation has me feeling more positive than perhaps you do,” she said, voice having lost its thoughtful edge. “You are a fundamentally good person, my dear, and that is not something that I take lightly. You work on such a small scale and I have spoken against that in the past, but, well, a threat on one’s life is a pretty good way to make one realize that the small scale is still important.”</p>
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<p>“But Ioan and I–“</p>
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@ -116,7 +116,7 @@ Ey chose the last of the poor skunk’s risotto, added a healthy dusting of
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<p>She laughed and nodded to em. “Yes, of course. There is much to think about.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-22</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-05</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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