update from sparkleup
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<p>The same thing, month after month: step into the coffee shop to order the same coffee — delicious as always — and wait for the same True Name to arrive.</p>
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<p>The same thing, month after month: step into the coffee shop to order the same coffee — delicious as always — and wait for the same True Name to arrive.</p>
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<p>Their standard greeting would be for Ioan to stand and bow — ey was always there too early — set up a cone of silence and share a bit of chit-chat, however many little nothings felt appropriate for the day, for the month since they’d last seen each other, before settling back down on the L-shaped couch, each to work on their own projects.</p>
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<p>Their standard greeting would be for Ioan to stand and bow — ey was always there too early — set up a cone of silence and share a bit of chit-chat, however many little nothings felt appropriate for the day, for the month since they’d last seen each other, before settling back down on the L-shaped couch, each to work on their own projects.</p>
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<p>Then, as ever, one or the other of them would call an end to the meeting, if meeting it was, and they’d stand once more, bow, and each would step back home.</p>
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<p>Then, as ever, one or the other of them would call an end to the meeting, if meeting it was, and they’d stand once more, bow, and each would step back home.</p>
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<p>Or, at least, ey would always step back home, where May would — as she always did — congratulate em on not dying.</p>
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<p>Or, at least, ey would always step back home, where May would — as she always did — congratulate em on not dying. Ey didn’t know where True Name left to.</p>
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<p>The only thing that seemed to change was the topics they talked about — the this-or-thats of life — and True Name herself.</p>
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<p>The only thing that seemed to change was the topics they talked about — the this-or-thats of life — and True Name herself.</p>
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<p>She was always smartly dressed, she always smiled brightly to em, always ordered the same mocha with extra whipped cream, and would always seem to get dabs of it on her nose-tip; but over time, the skunk had slowly picked up some ineffable quality about her that Ioan could only ever describe as ‘harried’. It wasn’t in her grooming, for her whiskers were always neat and orderly, the longer fur atop her head well brushed, and her claws neatly trimmed. It wasn’t in the things she talked about, for she always had some interesting bit of news about any of the three — four, if one counted Artemis — Systems out there.</p>
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<p>She was always smartly dressed, she always smiled brightly to em, always ordered the same mocha with extra whipped cream, and would always seem to get dabs of it on her nose-tip; but over time, the skunk had slowly picked up some ineffable quality about her that Ioan could only ever describe as ‘harried’. It wasn’t in her grooming, for her whiskers were always neat and orderly, the longer fur atop her head well brushed, and her claws neatly trimmed. It wasn’t in the things she talked about, for she always had some interesting bit of news about any of the three — four, if one counted Artemis — Systems out there.</p>
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<p>It was, ey decided, something to do with her eyes, her cheeks, the way her hands moved. It was in her voice, in her mien, in her bearing.</p>
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<p>It was, ey decided, something to do with her eyes, her cheeks, the way her hands moved. It was in her voice, in her mien, in her bearing.</p>
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<p>“Some day you should,” she had said. “Though it is my suspicion that she is, as you have said, losing her easy confidence. She is struggling with the fact that she must constantly dump energy into keeping up the appearance of always being so in control.”</p>
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<p>“Some day you should,” she had said. “Though it is my suspicion that she is, as you have said, losing her easy confidence. She is struggling with the fact that she must constantly dump energy into keeping up the appearance of always being so in control.”</p>
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<p>Ioan had leaned back in eir chair and stared up at the ceiling. “That certainly tallies with what she’s said in the past.”</p>
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<p>Ioan had leaned back in eir chair and stared up at the ceiling. “That certainly tallies with what she’s said in the past.”</p>
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<p>“She is the type of person who will always take more upon herself, more and more and more until she cracks,” May had murmured, quiet enough that Ioan had to strain to hear. “That she has been at this for more than two and a quarter centuries and the strain is only now showing is, if anything, a testament to her perseverance. Or obstinance, perhaps.”</p>
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<p>“She is the type of person who will always take more upon herself, more and more and more until she cracks,” May had murmured, quiet enough that Ioan had to strain to hear. “That she has been at this for more than two and a quarter centuries and the strain is only now showing is, if anything, a testament to her perseverance. Or obstinance, perhaps.”</p>
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<p>Ever since that day, that conversation would rise to the fore of eir memory whenever ey met up with True Name for coffee. They would have their conversation, sip their drinks, and then get to whatever projects they were working on — but there would always be a small portion of eir mind dedicated to squaring what ey knew of her and just how old she was.</p>
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<p>Ever since that day, that conversation would rise to the fore of eir memory whenever ey met up with True Name for coffee. They would have their conversation, sip their drinks, and then get to whatever projects they were working on — but there would always be a small portion of eir mind dedicated to squaring what ey knew of her with just how old she was.</p>
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<p>What ey’d strategically left out of that conversation with May, however, was that ey seemed plagued with a pathological need to help. Somehow. Ey wanted to find what it was that was wearing so much on True Name and find a way to ease it. There was a problem there, and problems were made for solving, yes?</p>
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<p>What ey’d strategically left out of that conversation with May, however, was that eir fascination seemed to be driven by an almost pathological need to help. Somehow. Ey wanted to find what it was that was wearing so much on True Name and find a way to ease it. There was a problem there, and problems were made for solving, yes?</p>
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<p>It was something about em that May knew, ey was sure, but which ey’d never shared with her, as ey knew that her response would either be the gentle teasing that she was so good at heaping on em or the gentle inquisition that she was equally adept at conducting. She’d ask em where the feeling stemmed from: was it from within eir mind, or within eir heart? Was it related to <em>all</em> problems? Was it because True Name looked so much like her, eir partner? When had it started? Launch? Convergence? Never mind if it were a problem that ey could not solve, as was almost certainly the case, what would ey do if it was a problem she did not <em>want</em> solved?</p>
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<p>It was something about em that May knew, ey was sure, but which ey’d never shared with her, as ey knew that her response would either be the gentle teasing that she was so good at heaping on em or the gentle inquisition that she was equally adept at conducting. She’d ask em where the feeling stemmed from: was it from within eir mind, or within eir heart? Was it related to <em>all</em> problems? Was it because True Name looked so much like her, eir partner? When had it started? Launch? Convergence? Never mind if it were a problem that ey could not solve, as was almost certainly the case, what would ey do if it was a problem she did not <em>want</em> solved?</p>
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<p>Ey knew she’d ask em those questions because whenever ey asked them of emself, ey heard them in her voice. Even when ey’d asked Sarah, eir therapist (or, well, all three of their therapists), there was some subconscious overlay of the skunk’s lilting voice floating above the question, and ey’d find emself dropping contractions and leaning on the anaphora that all Odists seemed stuck with.</p>
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<p>Ey knew she’d ask em those questions because whenever ey asked them of emself, ey heard them in her voice. Even when ey’d asked Sarah, eir therapist (or, well, all three of their therapists), there was some subconscious overlay of the skunk’s lilting voice floating above the question, and ey’d find emself dropping contractions and leaning on the anaphora that all Odists seemed stuck with.</p>
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<p>“You seem particularly lost in thought today, Ioan.”</p>
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<p>“You seem particularly lost in thought today, Ioan.”</p>
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<p>Ey hesitated, considering eir options. The desire to fix, to help, to aid and assist, still hung around em, but it’d be impertinent for em to just offer that out of nowhere. Instead, ey said, “Something May said. About you, I mean. Hopefully that’s not weird.”</p>
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<p>Ey hesitated, considering eir options. The desire to fix, to help, to aid and assist, still hung around em, but it’d be impertinent for em to just offer that out of nowhere. Instead, ey said, “Something May said. About you, I mean. Hopefully that’s not weird.”</p>
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<p>The skunk laughed. “It depends on what she said, does it not? Though I am flattered to have been in your thoughts. What did she have to say?”</p>
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<p>The skunk laughed. “It depends on what she said, does it not? Though I am flattered to have been in your thoughts. What did she have to say?”</p>
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<p>“That you’re the type of person to take on whatever’s in front of you, even if your docket’s already full. I was trying to piece together how much of that applies to the rest of the clade, too.” After a moment, ey shrugged and added, “And myself, for that matter.”</p>
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<p>“That you’re the type of person to take on whatever’s in front of you, even if your docket’s already full. I was trying to piece together how much of that applies to the rest of the clade, too.” After a moment, ey shrugged and added, “And myself, for that matter.”</p>
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<p>True Name looked up to the ceiling, head tilted thoughtfully. “I do not think there is any disputing that I will load myself up with responsibility, often to the point of overloading. I remember some of that from before I was forked, though I do not think Michelle was of quite the same temperament. She took on more than she could handle more out of a sense of social obligation than…whatever it is that drives me.”</p>
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<p>True Name looked up to the ceiling, head tilted thoughtfully. “I do not think there is any disputing that I will load myself up with responsibilities, often to the point of overloading. I remember some of that from before I was forked, though I do not think Michelle was of quite the same temperament. She took on more than she could handle more out of a sense of social obligation than…whatever it is that drives me.”</p>
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<p>“Determination? Persistence?”</p>
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<p>“Determination? Persistence?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “Perhaps. What is it that Dear says so often? ‘I do not make art because I know why; if I knew why, I would not need to make art’? It is like that for me. I do not strive because I know what drives me. If I knew what that was, who knows if I would continue to strive?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “Perhaps. What is it that Dear says so often? ‘I do not make art because I know why; if I knew why, I would not need to make art’? It is like that for me. I do not strive because I know what drives me. If I knew what that was, who knows if I would continue to strive?”</p>
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<p>Ey marveled, as ey so often did, at just how many of the Odists seem to speak in well structured paragraphs. Thesis, hypothesis, synthesis.</p>
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<p>Ey marveled, as ey so often did, at just how many of the Odists seem to speak in well structured paragraphs. Thesis, hypothesis, synthesis.</p>
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<p>“You just seem more tired every time I see you.”</p>
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<p>“You just seem more tired every time I see you.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “I am, yes.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “I am, yes.”</p>
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<p>“Is there–” Ey caught emself up short, forcibly tamped down the urge to offer to help, and instead said, “I mean, what all are you working on? I can never tell with you and May. It just looks like thinking.”</p>
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<p>“Is there–” Ey caught emself up short, forcibly tamped down the urge to offer to help, and instead said, “I mean, what all are you working on? I can never tell with you and May. It just looks like thinking.”</p>
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<p>“It is perhaps a problem with doing all of one’s work in one’s head.” she said, laughing. “We are not blessed with your affinity for paper.”</p>
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<p>“It is perhaps a problem with doing all of one’s work in one’s head.” she said. “We are not blessed with your affinity for paper.”</p>
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<p>“Or cursed.”</p>
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<p>“Or cursed.”</p>
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<p>She chuckled. “Your words, not mine. But, well…with the understanding that I cannot tell you everything that I am working on, I will say that there is much to be done when it comes to shaping sys-side sentiment around all of the various new tech.”</p>
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<p>She chuckled. “Your words, not mine. But, well…with the understanding that I cannot tell you everything that I am working on, I will say that there is much to be done when it comes to shaping sys-side sentiment around all of the various new tech.”</p>
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<p>“Oh?”</p>
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<p>“Oh?”</p>
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<p>“Of course.” The skunk grinned and finished her coffee, setting the mug down on the table. “We studied long and hard to build up such a tolerance.”</p>
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<p>“Of course.” The skunk grinned and finished her coffee, setting the mug down on the table. “We studied long and hard to build up such a tolerance.”</p>
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<p>“Doesn’t sound super healthy.”</p>
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<p>“Doesn’t sound super healthy.”</p>
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<p>“I suppose not. At least, not back phys-side.”</p>
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<p>“I suppose not. At least, not back phys-side.”</p>
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<p>“I noticed that seems to be unevenly distributed,” ey said. “May and I rarely drink unless it’s with someone else, but Dear and its partners seem to drink quite a bit.”</p>
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<p>“I noticed that seems to be unevenly distributed,” ey observed. “May and I rarely drink unless it’s with someone else, but Dear and its partners seem to drink quite a bit.”</p>
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<p>“So I have heard. There are a few aspects of our past life that were only picked up by a few of us, beyond the obvious interests. Drinking, theatre and art, furry, that sort of thing. I have never figured out whether there is any rhyme or reason to it.”</p>
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<p>“So I have heard. There are a few aspects of our past life that were only picked up by a few of us, beyond the obvious interests. Drinking, theatre and art, furry, that sort of thing. I have never figured out whether there is any rhyme or reason to it.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “Makes me wonder if I might’ve done the same if I were more of a dispersionista.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “Makes me wonder if I might’ve done the same if I were more of a dispersionista.”</p>
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<p>“Perhaps,” she said, shrugging. “Codrin has diverged quite a bit from you. They both have. You can put at least some of that on us, though. May Then My Name and Dear, I mean.”</p>
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<p>“Perhaps,” she said, shrugging. “Codrin has diverged quite a bit from you. They both have. You can put at least some of that on us, though. May Then My Name and Dear, I mean.”</p>
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<p>“Indeed. I trust that you will not share the news about AVEC yet.”</p>
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<p>“Indeed. I trust that you will not share the news about AVEC yet.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>“Right. Then I suppose it is just nice to have a friend, for lack of a better term.”</p>
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<p>“Right. Then I suppose it is just nice to have a friend, for lack of a better term.”</p>
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<p>A conversation from years back wafted up through eir memory. “”We will never be close, you and I,” you said back during the convergence. Has that changed?”</p>
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<p>A conversation from years back wafted up through eir memory. “You said back during convergence, ‘We will never be close, you and I.’ Has that changed?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know. Has it?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know. Has it?”</p>
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<p>Ey frowned.</p>
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<p>Ey frowned.</p>
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<p>“That is why I say ‘for lack of a better term’. We are on good terms, are we not? We are able to co-exist, to talk about news and nonsense, yes? To chat?” She shrugged, smiled to em. “That is perilously close to friendship, I think. If you do not feel that the label fits, I understand, but I stand by what I said: it is nice to have a friend. Someone who is not another me.”</p>
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<p>“That is why I say ‘for lack of a better term’. We are on good terms, are we not? We are able to co-exist, to talk about news and nonsense, yes? To chat?” She shrugged, smiled to em. “That is perilously close to friendship, I think. If you do not feel that the label fits, I understand, but I stand by what I said: it is nice to have a friend. Someone who is not another me.”</p>
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<p>“I am pleased to see that you did not die,” May said, looking up from her notebook.</p>
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<p>“I am pleased to see that you did not die,” May said, looking up from her notebook.</p>
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<p>Ey kicked off eir shoes and set down eir own notebook on eir desk before walking over to give the skunk a kiss between the ears. “Nope, not this time. Stuck with me for a while yet.”</p>
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<p>Ey kicked off eir shoes and set down eir own notebook on eir desk before walking over to give the skunk a kiss between the ears. “Nope, not this time. Stuck with me for a while yet.”</p>
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<p>She set her pen down and stretched before leaning up to dot her nose against eirs, arms draped up around eir shoulders. “Good, I am not finished wringing all I can out of you. One day, you will be left a broken husk of a Bălan and I will move on to my next victim.”</p>
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<p>She set her pen down and stretched before leaning up to dot her nose against eirs, arms draped up around eir shoulders. “Good, I am not finished wringing all I can out of you. One day, you will be left a broken husk of a Bălan and I will move on to my next victim.”</p>
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<p>Shaking eir head, ey returned that nosepress before straightening up. “You’re doing a crap job of it, May. You keep adding to my life rather than taking away from it.”</p>
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<p>Shaking eir head, ey returned that nose-press before straightening up. “You’re doing a crap job of it, May. You keep adding to my life rather than taking away from it.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “Even when you are joking, you are adorable. Love you too, my dear. How was True Name?”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “Even when you are joking, you are adorable. Love you too, my dear. How was True Name?”</p>
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<p>“Oh, fine. Much the same, I guess. We just worked and chatted and drank coffee. Nothing unusual.”</p>
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<p>“Oh, fine. Much the same, I guess. We just worked and chatted and drank coffee. Nothing unusual.”</p>
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<p>“Well, that can be good, right?”</p>
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<p>“Well, that can be good, right?”</p>
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<p>“I will tell you if I would like to drop the topic, I promise,” she said, then laughed. “Sorry, Ioan. I did not mean to interrupt.”</p>
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<p>“I will tell you if I would like to drop the topic, I promise,” she said, then laughed. “Sorry, Ioan. I did not mean to interrupt.”</p>
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<p>“No, it’s okay. She actually did that quite well today.” Ey leaned eir head back on the beanbag. “I asked why she kept up with me with the coffee meetings, and she said that it’s just nice to have a friend.”</p>
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<p>“No, it’s okay. She actually did that quite well today.” Ey leaned eir head back on the beanbag. “I asked why she kept up with me with the coffee meetings, and she said that it’s just nice to have a friend.”</p>
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<p>May tilted her head up, enough to bump her nose against the underside of eir chin. “Are you? Friends, I mean.”</p>
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<p>May tilted her head up, enough to bump her nose against the underside of eir chin. “Are you? Friends, I mean.”</p>
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<p>“That’s what we talked about. Neither of us could really decide on anything beyond ‘friends for lack of a better term’.” Ey hesitated, feeling incredibly conscious of eir partner resting against em, her stated resentment of her down-tree instance, how that had veered for so long into hatred. Ey continued, speaking carefully, “I like having interesting people to talk to and she’s been pretty good company. She likes having someone to just be around and talk with that isn’t herself or Jonas.”</p>
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<p>“That’s what we talked about. Neither of us could really decide on anything beyond ‘friends for lack of a better term’.” Ey hesitated, feeling incredibly conscious of eir partner resting against em, her stated resentment of her down-tree instance, how that had veered for so long into hatred over all that she had done. Ey continued, speaking carefully, “I like having interesting people to talk to and she’s been pretty good company. She likes having someone to just be around and talk with that isn’t herself or Jonas.”</p>
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<p>“Are they still not getting along?”</p>
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<p>“Are they still not getting along?”</p>
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<p>“Worse, maybe. That’s where she requested that I drop the topic. She said that they made good coworkers, but not necessarily friends, and I asked if that was always the case, and she said she wasn’t comfortable having that conversation. Very politely, of course, but it looked like it took a lot of effort.”</p>
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<p>“Worse, maybe. That’s where she requested that I drop the topic. She said that they made good coworkers, but not necessarily friends, and I asked if that was always the case, and she said she wasn’t comfortable having that conversation. Very politely, of course, but it looked like it took a lot of effort.”</p>
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<p>“Mm.” The skunk lowered her muzzle, letting em peek down at her again. “I have been working on how I define myself in relation to True Name. I do not like that I spent so long hating her. I do not want that to be a part of who I am. I am May, who loves. I hold no such compunctions about Jonas, though, and I am sorry that she still feels she must engage with him. He was a piece of shit then and I imagine that he is far worse now.”</p>
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<p>“Mm.” The skunk lowered her muzzle, letting em peek down at her again. “I have been working on how I define myself in relation to True Name. I do not like that I spent so long hating her. I do not want that to be a part of who I am. I am May, who loves, yes? I hold no such compunctions about Jonas, though, and I am sorry that she still feels she must engage with him. He was a piece of shit then and I imagine that he is far worse now.”</p>
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<p>“Huh?” Ey shook eir head as ey pieced together what she meant. “Oh right, sorry. I guess you were forked off after he and True Name started working together.”</p>
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<p>“Huh?” Ey shook eir head as ey pieced together what she meant. “Oh right, sorry. I guess you were forked off after he and True Name started working together.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. I remember that from when I was her. We were not friends then, and I am glad that she is not his friend now.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. I remember that from when I was her. We were not friends then, and I am glad that she is not his friend now.”</p>
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<p>“I only met him those few times years back, and yeah, I’m glad she isn’t, either. He was definitely a piece of shit.”</p>
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<p>“I only met him those few times years back, and yeah, I’m glad she isn’t, either. He was definitely a piece of shit.”</p>
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<p>“Not well, Ionuț.”</p>
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<p>“Not well, Ionuț.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah, well, fuck you too,” ey said, smirking at the teasingly diminutive form of eir name.</p>
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<p>“Yeah, well, fuck you too,” ey said, smirking at the teasingly diminutive form of eir name.</p>
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<p>The skunk sat up and gave em an exaggerated frown. “I am warning you, young man.”</p>
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<p>The skunk sat up and gave em an exaggerated frown. “I am warning you, young man.”</p>
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<p>Ey rolled eir eyes. “‘Young man?’“</p>
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<p>Ey rolled eir eyes. “‘Young man’?”</p>
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<p>“Little miss?”</p>
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<p>“Little miss?”</p>
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<p>Ey grinned, shook eir head. “Try again.”</p>
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<p>Ey grinned, shook eir head. “Try again.”</p>
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<p>“Young gentlethem.”</p>
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<p>“Young gentlethem.”</p>
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<p>“I’m not as good at the well placed profanity as all of you.”</p>
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<p>“I’m not as good at the well placed profanity as all of you.”</p>
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<p>“It is an art we have perfected. It increases the impact when they do show up. Even True Name does it, I am sure.”</p>
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<p>“It is an art we have perfected. It increases the impact when they do show up. Even True Name does it, I am sure.”</p>
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<p>“She has once or twice, yeah. You two still sound similar enough in terms of your voices, so I feel like I’m used to it.”</p>
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<p>“She has once or twice, yeah. You two still sound similar enough in terms of your voices, so I feel like I’m used to it.”</p>
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<p>May nodded, leaned down, and licked em squarely across the nose before settling down on eir front again. “Yes, I suppose we do. Here is where we drop the topic, however.”</p>
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<p>May nodded, leaned down, and licked em squarely across the nose before settling down against eir front again. “Yes, I suppose we do. Here is where we drop the topic, however.”</p>
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<p>“Alright,” ey said, wiping eir face. “What should we do for dinner?”</p>
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<p>“Alright,” ey said, wiping eir face. “What should we do for dinner?”</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-05</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-12</p>
|
||||||
</footer>
|
</footer>
|
||||||
</main>
|
</main>
|
||||||
<script type="text/javascript">
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
||||||
|
|
|
||||||
Loading…
Reference in New Issue