update from sparkleup
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Madison Scott-Clary
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<p>“In a moment, True Name, I promise.” Ey took a deep breath, setting eir tea down on the table in front of the couch, turning to face the skunk. “Again, I don’t want to leave the air clouded between us, but this is important to me, too.”</p>
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<p>She nodded, straightening up as though steeling herself for a coming blow. “I imagine it is. Then yes, it is unpleasant. I do not think that either of my cocladists aboard Artemis are in any imminent danger, but it is bringing uncomfortable memories to the fore.”</p>
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<p>“End Waking said that, too. I have my concerns for your cocladists aboard Artemis, but I’m more concerned about these uncomfortable memories cropping up across the clade.”</p>
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<p>“This is about Death Itself and I Do Not Know, is it not?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper.</p>
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<p>“This is about Death Itself and I Do Not Know, is it not?” she asked, voice quiet, tightly controlled.</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>The skunk clutched her coffee closer to her chest, as though that might also serve to protect her. It certainly felt as though she was struggling not to close herself off from the topic entirely. “We are very old, Ioan, and the implication of eternity has affected us all differently. I am beginning to think that it has less to do with memory than we had all originally suspected, but all the same, we have all begun to struggle through the centuries.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded, but remained silent. She was speaking slowly, and did not appear to have finished.</p>
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<p>“I did not talk with Death Itself much, and I was never able to speak with I Do Not Know. I did not know them except through observation. I am sorry…no.” She shook her head, frowning. “I was going to say that I am sorry that they are no longer with us, but you know as well as I that this is not some small loss for us, even for those who did not speak with them. Sad is not the correct term. I am anxious.”</p>
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<p>“Anxious of how this madness, as End Waking called it, might affect you and yours?”</p>
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<p>She nodded, averting her eyes. “I am fucking terrified, Ioan. What am I to do in the face of such enormity?”</p>
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<p>Ey blinked, taken aback. This was not how ey’d imagined the conversation would go. Ey’d pictured her providing some glib explanation for what was happening and perhaps outlining the steps that she, and her close cocladists were taking to control the situation. Ey was expecting her to steer em towards confidence in her, and perhaps even to sooth eir fears about May through doing so.</p>
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<p>Ey blinked, taken aback. This was not how ey’d imagined the conversation would go. Ey’d pictured her providing some glib explanation for what was happening and perhaps outlining the steps that she and her close cocladists were taking to control the situation. Ey was expecting her to steer em towards confidence in her, and hopefully even to sooth eir fears about May through doing so.</p>
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<p>Ey prowled through memories of the conversations ey’d had with her over the years — several, during those first few years after launch, then the rapid decrease after the publication of the <em>History</em> — and tallied up each against the next.</p>
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<p>“You’ve changed a lot, True Name,” ey said quietly. “I don’t know what you’re supposed to do, that’s out of my league. All I can say is that you’ve changed. It looks like it takes you a lot of effort to keep the confidence that used to be so integral to your personality.”</p>
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<p>“You’ve changed quite a bit, True Name,” ey said. “I don’t know what you’re supposed to do, that’s out of my league. All I can say is that you’ve changed. It looks like it takes you a lot of effort to keep the confidence that used to be so integral to your personality.”</p>
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<p>Ey watched as she bridled, subsided, and nodded. “I am not what I was.”</p>
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<p>“What changed?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged helplessly. “If I knew, perhaps I could fix it.”</p>
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<p>She shrugged helplessly. “If I knew, perhaps I could fix it, bring back that easy confidence.”</p>
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<p>The conversation was veering wildly off-script. The skunk herself was veering further and further afield from the one ey’d pictured in eir head. “Your counterpart on Castor sounds much the same as I remember. The True Name on Pollux has, from what I hear, wound up in a relationship and started to guide more openly over the last few years.”</p>
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<p>Looking down to where she held her mug against her front, True Name blinked rapidly, nodding.</p>
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<p><em>Crying? Really?</em> Ey frowned, searching her face and posture for any hint that this was some calculated display of emotion. </p>
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<p>She bowed again and stepped from the sim, leaving em to sit on the couch and finish eir tea, thinking about the differences between changing and forgetting.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-12-20</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-01-02</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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