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Madison Rye Progress 2024-12-26 14:25:54 -08:00
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writing/post-self/what-right-have-I/001.html
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<p>She nods, gathers her thoughts, and then stands straighter to speak. &ldquo;I would like you to reach out to some clades, both within the congregation as well as others within our clade, to get a better sense of our life a year later. I have a longer document written out about this to give you something in writing, but I wanted to get a sense of your feelings on the idea first.&rdquo;</p>
<p>My gaze drifts away, down to the plate of food in my paws, to the vegetables fresh and cooked, to the fried apple fritters and savory potato dumplings. I pick out a stick of celery to crunch on, knowing that something like that will give me more time to think. I do not chew prettily by some standards, but such was never the point, in my life. It comes with having a muzzle that borders on transgressively realistic. I chew noisily and, at times, quite messily.</p>
<p>Let others cope.</p>
<p>Once the bite is finished and a string of fiber from the celery nudged from between teeth, I sigh. &ldquo;This&hellip; ah, this feels like a strange request to ask of me in particular, my dear.&rdquo;</p>
<p>An eloquent shrug. &ldquo;I have given it thought and stand by my decision. It is not a requirement, of course. You need not say yes.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Why me, then?&rdquo; I smile faintly, gesture down at myself. &ldquo;I am this, yes? I am&hellip; ah, I am a bit of a disaster.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;You work on rather a lot of committees related to this already.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yes, but in an advisory role. I&hellip; ah, I am not normally one to talk to strangers, or even acquaintances, about these sorts of things.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She chuckles. &ldquo;I know, What Right Have I. That is, in part, why I am asking you, though. You will be a new face to many, and it will break the context of how many more already view you. It will show them that you are part of this world, too.&rdquo;</p>
<p>I realize I am scowling and do my best to soften my features. &ldquo;I see.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Consider it a part of your ongoing work with the committee,&rdquo; she says, gesturing back toward the celebration, now taking the form of a long line snaking away from the feast table. I am reminded of tails, and have to work to dismiss the thought. &ldquo;A part of this restoration is that it is an ongoing process. We should learn <em>how</em> people are restoring. Repairing the world is a never-ending process.&rdquo;</p>
<p>I work harder to keep the scowl off my face, all the more so for how much I have expounded on such, have said <em>mitzvot goreret mitzvot</em>, have written on the words of the fathers, &ldquo;You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it,&rdquo; and how they fit within sys-side life.</p>
<p>And so I sigh. &ldquo;Very well, Rav. I&hellip; mm, well, I still do not understand why it should be <em>me</em> who does this, but&hellip; ah, but I will do my best.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She smiles most kindly and bows. &ldquo;Thank you, my dear,&rdquo; she says, then gives a shooing motion with both of her paws. &ldquo;Now, go. Eat. Spend some time restoring yourself, too.&rdquo;</p>
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