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<p>Ioan#98ae38dc arrived at the appointed coffee shop a good hour in advance. The meeting had been eir idea, but it had also been eir primary source of stress during the day prior to it.</p>
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<p>The idea of meeting up with True Name in a neutral setting had not gone over as poorly as expected with May, at least. She hadn’t been pleased, to be sure, but given the news from Castor, she had accepted that the chance of further contact with her down-tree instance was likely anyway, and had stated that she was unwilling to engage with her further on the point so ey might as well.</p>
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<p>The idea of meeting up with True Name in a neutral setting had not gone over as poorly as feared with May. She hadn’t been pleased, to be sure, but given the news from Castor, she had accepted that the chance of further contact with her down-tree instance was likely anyway, and had stated that she was unwilling to engage with her further on the point so ey might as well.</p>
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<p>So, ey had forked, given her double kisses on the cheeks along with #Tasker, and stepped away to sit and fret somewhere where ey’d not be a bother.</p>
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<p>The coffee shop was quite comfortable, familiar from when ey’d first met Dear so many years ago. A cozy affair set in a simulacrum of a small town. Cute shops, gas lamps, brick-paved roads.</p>
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<p>Inside, ey staked out an L-shaped couch for their meeting and sat, sipping eir way slowly through first a coffee and then a tea, figuring that eir nerves were jangly enough without the added caffeine.</p>
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<p>True Name arrived fifteen minutes before their scheduled time, looking far more collected and confident, far more herself, than she had the last time ey’d seen her. She smiled brightly to em, ordered her drink, and then sat primly on the couch across from em, blinking a cone of silence into existence as she did so.</p>
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<p>True Name arrived fifteen minutes before their scheduled meeting, looking far more collected and confident, far more herself, than she had the last time ey’d seen her. She smiled brightly to em, ordered her drink, and then sat primly on the couch across from em, blinking a cone of silence into existence as she did so.</p>
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<p>“Mx. Bălan, thank you for meeting with me. I was surprised — pleasantly so — to have received your invitation.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “Thank you for accepting. I figured it might be nice to have a calmer conversation than our last one. I want to make sure that we stay on at least polite terms as…in-laws of a sort.”</p>
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<p>There was no shift in the skunk’s attentive expression, nor in her posture. She simply nodded and took a few laps of her drink, wiping a dollop of whipped cream from her nose after. “I appreciate that. I understand that our dynamic is complex and that of May Then My Name and I all the more so. We will never be close, you and I, but I can accept that.”</p>
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<p>“Right, and I don’t want all of our interactions to be stressful.”</p>
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<p>“If you will forgive a bit of small talk, may I ask after your partner’s well-being, at least? I understand through intraclade communications that she had…that there was…”</p>
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<p>“She wound up overwhelmed, yeah. She’s bounced back well enough for the most part, and we’ve been back at work.”</p>
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<p>“She wound up overflowing, yeah. She’s bounced back well enough for the most part, and we’ve been back at work.”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded, a hint of a bow. “Thank you, Ioan. It is encouraging to hear. And you are working on a play regarding our visitors on Castor?”</p>
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<p>“Bit by bit,” ey said. “I add to it every time we get a bit of news. That was another reason I wanted to meet up.”</p>
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<p>The calm smile that the skunk had been wearing slipped down into something more businesslike. “Yes. May I ask what information you have received?”</p>
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<p>Ey handed over the letters, already trimmed of clade-eyes-only and other personal information. True Name read through them quickly, nodding.</p>
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<p>“We have heard much the same. It was a calculated risk, sending myself and Why Ask Questions rather than a Jonas or someone else less affected by this time skew that they have mentioned.”</p>
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<p>“It sounds reminiscent of what I saw of Michelle. Certainly unpleasant.”</p>
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<p>She sat in silence for a few long seconds, both paws wrapped around her wide-brimmed mug of coffee. Her face was impassive and posture unreadable to em. Even her eyes remained fixed on some spot over eir shoulder, unmoving. She seemed frozen.</p>
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<p>She sat in silence for a few long seconds, both paws wrapped around her wide-brimmed mug of coffee. Her face was impassive and posture unreadable. Even her eyes remained fixed on some spot over eir shoulder, unmoving. She seemed frozen.</p>
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<p>“True Name?”</p>
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<p>“No,” she said at last, her shoulders sagging a fraction of an inch, enough to show some level of exhaustion that had previously been hidden. “It does not sound pleasant.”</p>
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<p>“End Waking put it, “when presented with the fragility of eternity once more, I cannot imagine that I would remain sane”. None of the Odists I’ve talked to sound happy about this.”</p>
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<p>“I do not know, Ioan.” She sniffed, sat up straighter, and smiled tiredly at em. “Again, if I did, perhaps there might be something that I could do to address it. I know what I am — what I have become — in comparison to my peers. While I am trying not to view that as a failing, it is…difficult.”</p>
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<p>“Something with Jonas, perhaps?”</p>
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<p>She winced and looked away, ears pinned flat.</p>
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<p>Ey had to resist the urge to reach out and offer her eir hand to hold for comfort as ey did so often with May. They looked so similar even still, and all the more so when struggling with overwhelming emotions.</p>
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<p>She must have caught some slight movement or hint of this on her face or in eir posture, as she chuckled. “If I were built more like your May, then perhaps I could more easily accept comfort, but I am not. Thank you for listening, though. I cannot talk about these things with Jonas.”</p>
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<p>Ey had to resist the urge to reach out and offer her eir hand to hold for comfort as ey did so often with May. They looked so similar, even still, even after centuries of divergence, and all the more so when struggling with overwhelming emotions.</p>
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<p>She must have caught some slight movement or hint of this on eir face or in eir posture, as she chuckled. “If I were built more like your May, then perhaps I could more easily accept comfort, but I am not. Thank you for listening, though. I cannot talk about these things with Jonas.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed, shrugging sheepishly. “Sorry, True Name. Long habit. Still, I’m happy to listen. I know that my relationship puts us in a precarious position relative to each other and there are still some aspects about our history that are…difficult to internalize, but, well–” Ey sat up straighter at a sudden memory. “Hey, have you talked with In Dreams yet? Or this Sarah Genet?”</p>
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<p>“I have spoken with In Dreams, yes,” she said, tilting her head. “Though I am not sure in what capacity you mean. She has kept me up to date on the cross-clade issues. I only know the name Sarah Genet from the communications from Castor.”</p>
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<p>“Really? I thought that they had been in contact with all of the clade they could,” ey said, frowning. “But perhaps that’s still in progress. Either way, you mentioned having someone to talk to, and In Dreams has suggested taking a therapeutic approach to this. She and Ms. Genet have been working on setting up a course of therapy sessions for Odists and a few of the other old clades that are struggling. Perhaps that’s something that could help. May has an appointment in a few days.” Ey hastened to add, “I’m still happy to listen, but I’m hardly trained in that.”</p>
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<p>Ey shook emself from eir own rumination and back to the present. “I’m sorry?”</p>
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<p>True Name smiled. “You said that you were happy to listen to me. Your partner hates me — let us not mince words: she hates me and I have grown to accept that as best I can. You are close, as partners should be, and you have as much reason to hate me as anyone, and yet you met me here — asked to meet me here, even — and say that you hare happy to listen. Why?”</p>
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<p>“Oh. Well,” ey began, then stalled out. Ey raced through eir memories for a reason ey could articulate. “It was something that Codrin#Castor said. Em and Dear both, actually. Codrin passed on a letter that Codrin#Artemis sent, saying that it has been difficult emotionally to watch what ey remembers from Michelle in your cocladists. When ey mentioned the time skew to it, Dear said to be watchful around your counterpart, saying, “remember what I said: even True Name has emotions, even she will be affected”.”</p>
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<p>She sat back, looking stunned, then choked out a half-laugh-half-sob, setting her mug down on the table so that she could rub her paws firmly over her face, leaving them to cover it. “Even I have emotions. Even I!” she said between deep breaths. “I know that your cocladist and Dear meant well by this, but how damning an indictment. <em>Even I.</em>“</p>
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<p>The skunk sat back, looking stunned, then choked out a half-laugh-half-sob, setting her mug down on the table so that she could rub her paws firmly over her face, leaving them to cover it. “Even I have emotions. Even I!” she said between deep breaths. “I know that your cocladist and Dear meant well by this, but how damning an indictment. <em>Even I.</em>“</p>
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<p>“I’m sorry, True Name.”</p>
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<p>She shook her head, took a moment to regain her composure, and said, “No, I suppose I do, at that. It is difficult to remember even from the inside, my dear. Thank you for reminding me, and thank you for listening.”</p>
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<p>The skunk reached out a paw toward em and, after a moment’s hesitation, ey took it and gave it what ey hoped was a comforting squeeze. Ey was once more startled by the similarity of her to May, the softness of her fur.</p>
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<p>The skunk reached out a paw toward em and, after a moment’s hesitation, ey took it and gave it what ey hoped was a comforting squeeze. Ey was once more startled by the similarity of her to May: the softness of her fur, the satiny feel of her pads, those well-kept claws.</p>
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<p>She laughed and shook her head, pulling her paw back. “How silly. I believe I stand by my assessment that comfort through physicality is not for me, but thank you all the same. That you have the capacity to comfort, well, even me does mean a lot, Mx. Bălan. I appreciate your empathy.”</p>
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<p>Ey smiled cautiously. “Worth a try, I suppose.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. Worth a try.” She stood slowly and gave a hint of a bow. “I have much to think about, Mx. Bălan, and a message to send to Ms. Genet. Please spend some quality time with your partner tonight, and I will see you in the future.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. Worth a try.” She stood slowly and gave a hint of a bow. “I have much to think about, Mx. Bălan, and a message to send to Ms. Genet. Please spend some quality time with your partner tonight, and I hope to see you in the future.”</p>
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<p>“Of course. Until next time.”</p>
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<p>She bowed again and stepped from the sim, leaving em to sit on the couch and finish eir tea, thinking about the differences between changing and forgetting. Without forgetting, all True Name had, all they <em>all</em> had, was the ability to change, and all they could do was hope that this would be enough to keep them all sane.</p>
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<p>She bowed again and stepped from the sim, leaving em to sit on the couch and finish eir tea, mulling over the differences between changing and forgetting. Without forgetting, all True Name had, all they <em>all</em> had, was the ability to change, and all they could do was hope that this would be enough to keep them all sane.</p>
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<div class="codehilite"><pre><span></span><code><span class="err">Convergence T-0 days, 2 hours, 53 minutes</span>
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</code></pre></div>
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<p>Despite the excitement, the talks remained surprisingly banal. Even when the topic of the Odists’ deception and the troubles that True Name#Artemis still suffered on Artemis, the talks still felt like a political summit. The conference was still a conference, with its cloth-covered table and shitty pens, its uncomfortable chairs and weary participants.</p>
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<p>Despite the burst of excitement, the talks remained surprisingly banal. Even when the topic of the Odists’ deception and the troubles that True Name#Artemis still suffered on Artemis arose, the talks still felt like a political summit. The conference was still a conference, with its cloth-covered table and shitty pens, its uncomfortable chairs and weary participants.</p>
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<p>Ey counted emself among the weariest of them all. Tycho was still in his stride, and Sarah was keeping up well enough, though she remained fairly quiet throughout, focusing on watching rather than speaking or taking notes. Why Ask Questions had proceeded as though the news had never happened, continuing on in her litany of questions around biology and linguistics. In fact, the only one more tired seemed to be True Name.</p>
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<p>There was a tension around the skunk’s eyes, a tightness to the face that ever so slightly drew her lips back. Even when she smiled, her expression remained fixed and rigid.</p>
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<p>There was a tension around the skunk’s eyes, a tightness to the cheeks that ever so slightly drew her lips back. Even when she smiled, her expression remained fixed and rigid.</p>
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<p>It made sense, after all. Acting in the capacity of leader was more than just overseeing the talks, it meant wrangling every conversation, and still managing to keep up her own side of it. Beyond even that, the skunk had been drawn into several conversations alone with Turun Ka over the final hours of the third day. Ey hadn’t expected the conference to include anyone but the entirety of both the parties, so ey wasn’t quite sure what to make of this, but none of the other Artemisians seemed unnerved by the leaders stepping aside in half-hour increments to hold what appeared to be — at least from True Name’s expressions — in-depth conversations about very serious topics.</p>
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<p>Sleep brought little relief.</p>
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<p>The beds were comfortable, but empty. There was no wind against glass, no crickets stilled to silence with the passing of some imagined bat. There was no fox to curl around, no soft sounds of breathing.</p>
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<p>Ey plowed through two cups of (thankfully quite good) coffee on the morning of the fourth day, and brought a third with him to the conference table. </p>
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<p>Ey plowed through two cups of (thankfully quite good) coffee on the morning of the fourth day, and brought a third with em to the conference table. </p>
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<p>The talks were slow to resume. There were a few halting attempts at starting up conversations about astrochemistry, but neither Tycho nor Stolon were well-versed on it enough to have the conversation without additional research first</p>
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<p><em>Why had they divided the subjects between the locations?</em> ey wondered for the dozenth time. <em>I’m sure that every one of us wants nothing more than to ask about the history of their trip, just as I’m sure that there are topics surrounding science that those on Artemis would love to ask about.</em></p>
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<p>It seemed such a strange limitation to put on talks such as these. Why divide them by subject when the participants were identical? Were there deeper reasons beneath this? Was there a logic to having the discussions of science on Castor as opposed to on Artemis? Was it so that the less-advanced Castor would still benefit from the science and Artemis from culture if the talks went pear-shaped?</p>
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<p>Questions such as these littered the verso pages of eir notebook, the recto pages reserved for notes about the topic at hand. Ey’d sent dozens of those questions over to Artemis already; it certainly didn’t seem as though this was the place to ask them.</p>
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<p>Answers had been sparse. The responses had invariably been “it is not the time for that conversation”. At least the most recent note from Codrin#Artemis — running at nearly three pages — had explained the use of that sentence, as well as so much else. Checklists and goals, indeed.</p>
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<p>It had also contained a more detailed account of Answers Will Not Help’s breakdown and quitting, as well as the extended interactions with True Name that Codrin#Artemis had been having.</p>
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<p>“I hate to do this to you,” ey had written, clade-eyes only. “But I simply cannot overstate just how dramatic and anxiety-inducing the whole event was, and I mean this in the most literal way possible. There are things that I cannot tell you. I cannot put them into words, and I certainly cannot set them to paper. It is overwhelming. The import is crushing. I feel like I’m going to burst and there’s nothing I can do or say about it, and the only reason I’m describing it like this is that I <em>can’t</em> be the only one who knows this, even if only at one layer of remove. You will remember soon enough, I think, but until then, I just need to offload some of the pressure.”</p>
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<p>“I hate to do this to you,” ey had written, individual-eyes only. “But I simply cannot overstate just how dramatic and anxiety-inducing the whole event was, and I mean this in the most literal way possible. There are things that I cannot tell you. I cannot put them into words, and I certainly cannot set them to paper. It is overwhelming. The import is crushing. I feel like I’m going to burst and there’s nothing I can do or say about it, and the only reason I’m describing it like this is that I <em>can’t</em> be the only one who knows this, even if only at one layer of remove. You will remember soon enough, I think, but until then, I just need to offload some of the pressure.”</p>
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<p>Ey had no idea what to do with this information, other than to accept a share in that load.</p>
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<p>With questions running thin and the table plagued by awkward silences, it was almost a relief when Turun Ka requested that it and True Name discuss sentiment shaping surrounding the arrival of Artemis, leaving the others to have a conversation of their own or not as they wished. There was no audible communication suggesting such, but it seemed implied whenever this happened that Codrin and Turun Ko would be left ‘in charge’ of their respective delegations, if there was such a thing.</p>
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<p>The skunk and firstracer stood and walked to the far side of the fountain where True Name could sit on the rim and Turun Ka could settle onto its haunches before her. They set up a cone of silence, and once more begin discussing what seemed to go beyond simply the fallout of deception.</p>
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<p>Artante looked between them, picking up on the anxiety. “May I ask as to the import beyond its contents?”</p>
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<p>“It…doesn’t exactly paint the prettiest picture of some aspects of the System,” Sarah said, audibly hunting for a diplomatic way to phrase it. “It led to a reevaluation of the…political nature of our lives.”</p>
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<p>Ey tensed, realising the import of what Sarah was getting at. While there were countless reminders as to the books impact on the Ode clade, it had always seemed an unintentional side-effect of what was otherwise a text that strove to be above all else an accurate historical document. It was bound up in those who had lived those lives, those who had been influenced by the Odists.</p>
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<p>Ey’d meant to provide it strictly in that historical sense, but realized that, in the context of her deception, the discussion of True Name and her friends guiding the trajectory of society might color the talks moving forward.</p>
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<p>Ey’d meant to provide it strictly in that historical sense, but realized that, in the context of her deception, the discussion of True Name and her friends guiding the trajectory of society within them might color the talks moving forward.</p>
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<p>“It’s important,” ey said decisively. Sitting up straighter, ey drew on all the gumption ey could. “It shows more than just the political lives we’ve led, including the behind-the-scenes guidance that True Name has engaged in from the origins of the System two hundred thirty years ago. This is as important as anything else when it comes to understanding us as a species.”</p>
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<p>Sarah’s frown deepened. “Which is why I question the wisdom of providing it at this point.”</p>
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<p>“We’re at an impasse, I think,” ey countered. “We haven’t had a single meaningful conversation as part of the talks since news of what happened on Artemis arrived. It feels like we’re waiting on some cue.”</p>
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<p>Artante was nodding, though whether in confirmation or agreement, ey couldn’t tell.</p>
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<p>“This feels like a dangerous way to force the conversation to move forward.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged. “They deserve to know more than just the synopses and sugar-coated aspects of our society. The thing with Answers Will Not Help is something she and True Name dreamt up, but not representative of us as a whole. We’re more complex as a species than just her, or than even the five of us.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged, holding onto that courage and sense of right action. “They deserve to know more than just the synopses and sugar-coated aspects of our society. The thing with Answers Will Not Help is something she and True Name dreamt up, but not representative of us as a whole. We’re more complex as a species than just her, or than even the five of us.”</p>
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<p>Flipping through the pages at the rate of about one per second, Turun Ko said, “A conversation will happen-occur when leaders Turun Ka and True Name return shortly-momentarily. Please wait. Their conversation-discussion is artificial-superficial, intended to give-provide delegates other than leadership options to change-shape outcomes.”</p>
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<p>Ey stared at the firstracer. “You mean–“</p>
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<p>“A step in the process of convergence is assessing the willingness of non-leaders to act other than their leaders might, or even the stated structure of the discussions, in order to forward what they believe the good common to all races,” Artante said. “It allows us to assess the strength of individuality and self-sacrifice for the betterment of all.”</p>
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<p>Ey watched as the skunk’s eyes widened, gaze darting between em, Turun Ka, and the book in Turun Ko’s hands, now about half-finished. She sat down heavily on the chair and sagged against the back. “Well, fuck me.”</p>
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<p>“They’re probably down the hall,” Codrin said, returning the bow. “Every time they sneak off, they head for an alcove there and talk as much as they can.”</p>
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<p>“We are pleased-excited to witness mutual-shared enjoyment,” Turun Ko said, voice bouncing between registers in amusement.</p>
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<p>The fourthracer laughed. “I am not surprised. Will you join us in finding them?”</p>
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<p>Codrin led them down the hall past their rest area. The hallway continued on past it, though it ended at a flat wall that ey supposed must be an exit when the place was not in use for a convergence. To the side, though, there was an alcove, windows on the three walls looking out over a garden. It seemed perpetually sunny, and every time ey’d seen them there, the thirdracer had been sunning themself while they chatted.</p>
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<p>Codrin led them down the hall past their rest area. The hallway continued beyond, though it ended at a flat wall that ey supposed must be an exit when the place was not in use for a convergence. To the side, though, there was an alcove, windows on the three walls looking out over a garden. It seemed perpetually sunny, and every time ey’d seen them there, the thirdracer had been sunning themself while they chatted.</p>
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<p>“<em>Nahi,</em> recorder Codrin Bălan,” Stolon said, then sat up straighter, bowing from a seated position to the other delegates. “<em>Rehas’ les.</em>“</p>
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<p>Ey bowed. “Apologies for interrupting. I figured I’d get us all together as suggested.”</p>
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<p>“<em>Ka, ka,</em>” Stolon said, bobbing their head.</p>
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<p>“<em>Anem.</em>“</p>
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<p>“Can you tell us what they are?”</p>
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<p>“<em>Nu.</em> We cannot.”</p>
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<p>“There’s some different shades of meaning to that word, recorder Turun Ko,” Sarah said thoughtfully. “‘Cannot’ can mean that you aren’t able to, or that you are unwilling to. Can you expand on that? Are you able to, I mean?”</p>
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<p>“There are some different shades of meaning to that word, recorder Turun Ko,” Sarah said thoughtfully. “‘Cannot’ can mean that you aren’t able to, or that you are unwilling to. Can you expand on that? Are you able to, I mean?”</p>
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<p>“We cannot,” it repeated, and Codrin once more caught that ghost of a smile on Artante’s face.</p>
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<p>“Either could be true, but that’s not the correct conversation to have right now,” ey guessed.</p>
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<p>At this Artante laughed. “You learn quickly, recorder Codrin Bălan.”</p>
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<p>“<em>Anem!</em> Of course I will.”</p>
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