update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/motes/007.html

@@ -51,7 +51,7 @@
 <p>What followed was a conversation that lasted until dusk. Each of them minus True Name, already at work, talked about the experience of coming into being, the experience of being settled firmly into one shape unlike their root instance, about the things that they loved and what they might do with that love.</p>
 <p>They had not existed for a day and yet A Finger Pointing still loved them each and loved them all together.</p>
 <p>She learned of all of their different focuses and kept them straight in her head that she might know them better later, but also she watched how each of them moved, how each of them acted. She kept in mind all that they talked about so that she might share it with True Name.</p>
-<p>Hammered Silver was, there. She was the one who, after Sasha/Michelle had tired of walking and requested to sit down, had offered her lap as a pillow that she might dote on her down-tree. There was such love in her eyes, such maternal love, for this woman who was at once herself and not. She did not smile, but cooed in concern as a mother might to some crying child. A Finger Pointing made note of this, too, for, yes, she also felt that concern, but also to see such in someone so like herself was a joy in its own right.</p>
+<p>Hammered Silver was there. She was the one who, after Sasha/Michelle had tired of walking and requested to sit down, had offered her lap as a pillow that she might dote on her down-tree. There was such love in her eyes, such maternal love, for this woman who was at once herself and not. She did not smile, but cooed in concern as a mother might to some crying child. A Finger Pointing made note of this, too, for, yes, she also felt that concern, but also to see such in someone so like herself was a joy in its own right.</p>
 <p>From that point on, A Finger Pointing made herself the glue of this growing clade. She would share weekly or monthly lunches and dinners with each, keeping up with them via letters and, once they were implemented, sensorium messages. Even as her smile remained or veered towards a smirk or wily grin, even as her opinions on each of her cocladists grew more complicated, watching burgeoning loves and animosities, she kept in touch.</p>
 <hr />
 <p>Yes, there were steps that she needed to take. There were ways that she needed to keep herself safe. There were ways that those who above all else she loved might come to harm and she need to keep them safe as well. She needed to ensure their safety even above her own.</p>
@@ -128,14 +128,19 @@ This was bullshit, patented and trademarked, registered as a copyright and servi
 <p>&ldquo;At all,&rdquo; Hammered Silver confirmed. &ldquo;For now.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>A Finger Pointing nodded stiffly, agreed, and scheduled the next lunch date.</p>
 <hr />
-<p>((bitterness and compromises with Dry Grass))</p>
+<p>((bitterness and compromises with Dry Grass - see discord notes from Pointillist))</p>
 <hr />
-<p>((the past: family))</p>
+<p>An end to a friendship with a person is not the end of knowing that person. An end to a friendship can be sudden or gradual. It can be the type of thing that happens in one fell swoop: an argument, perhaps, or a disappearance. It can be the type of thing that takes months and years and decades: a drifting apart, perhaps, or a series of slow decisions. It can be both: an inflection point is reached and neither realizes it until down the line and, oh, perhaps it had ended long ago.</p>
+<p>A Finger Pointing was not sure when it was that her friendship with Hammered Silver <em>actually</em> ended, because there were so many points at which it <em>could have</em> ended that it was hard to pick just one. There were so many letters, now all stored in a single exo so that they would not simply live within her actual memory at all times, and each of those could have been the end of a friendship as easily as any other.</p>
+<p>There was still that point of realization, though. There was that point when she realized that she had long ago ceased to be Hammered Silver&rsquo;s friend, had long ago become merely her cocladist, some obligation to be followed up upon out of a tired sense of formality or information gathering over friendship-colored lunches.</p>
+<p>They were friendship colored because that was the tinted glass that A Finger Pointing held before her eyes. She viewed the world with friendship, with the joy of joy itself. She looked at all times through a gel — one of those transparent, colored sheets used to tint a stage-light — colored friendship, colored joy.</p>
+<p>It was not a pair of rose-colored glasses. She was not burying her head in the sand to avoid some unpleasant facts. She was as realistic as ever she had been, as Sasha/Michelle had been before her and Michelle Hadje before that.</p>
+<p>It was an expectation of herself and others. It was a standard to which herself and others were held. It was a trust that others would aim for joy and friendship as she did.</p>
+<p>And thus it was an expectation one might fall short of. It was a standard one might not reach. It was a trust that could be breached.</p>
+<p>At some point in the past — there were so many admonitions against joy that she could choose from! — A Finger Pointing&rsquo;s friendship with Hammered Silver came to an end. The most visible of these was perhaps when Sasha joined Au Lieu Du Rêve as stage manager in . That was when Hammered Silver had moved beyond cutting 
+((the past: family))</p>
 <hr />
 <p>((Contacting Hammered Silver))</p>
-<hr />
-<p>((The present))</p>
-<hr />
 <p>((fallout, or move to next chapter in conversation))</p>
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