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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2021-05-25 22:05:11 -07:00
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<li>My subconscious mind was starting to, as a client put it the other day, catch feelings, and thus the situation I find myself in now has a longer history than expected</li>
<li>The history behind this current set of emotions has some later starting point and the way in which Kay and I became friends has no bearing on the present other than as an interesting story.</li>
</ul>
<p>If the former is the case, then I think it is worth some introspection as to what about our in-person interactions might have drawn me to her romantically. As I mentioned, she was frightfully smart. She was kind. She was not unattractive, either, and as a coyote, certainly someone who ought to have been in the market for me (I know that many of the more liberal bent are increasingly okay with interspecies relationships, but, liberal as I try to be, my time upbringing and my time within the church seem to have set me on the straight and narrow path, here).</p>
<p>If the former is the case, then I think it is worth some introspection as to what about our in-person interactions might have drawn me to her romantically. As I mentioned, she was frightfully smart. She was kind. She was not unattractive, either, and as a coyote, certainly someone who ought to have been in the market for me (I know that many of the more liberal bent are increasingly okay with interspecies relationships, but, liberal as I try to be, my upbringing and my time within the church seem to have set me on the straight and narrow path, here).</p>
<p>If the latter is the case, however, then I have to wonder why it is that such feelings did not form until distance became an issue, for less than a month after that dinner with Kay and her parents, she moved away from UI Sawtooth to prepare for her masters at UI Boise and our communication moved almost entirely to email and PostFast messages. I know that we tried to call once or twice, but neither of us is particularly keen on phones.</p>
<p>When I speak with my patients struggling with anxiety disorders, one of the exercises that I have them perform after a panic attack is to walk back to when the panic attack started and write down what they were doing and how they were feeling. Once they have done that a few times, they can look for similarities in the reports, and then they can start walking back further from the starting point of the attack in order to discover potential triggers. Knowing those, they can begin working on coping and avoidance mechanisms.</p>
<p>I know that I am trying to justify to myself my work on this journal so far, but I think that this is part of what I am doing here. I am not sure that I necessarily want to cope or avoid these feelings that I&rsquo;m having, necessarily, but I do want to at least understand better when they began, and by understanding the past, better understand the present.</p>
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<p>I perhaps just wanted some guidance.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-04-21</p>
<p>Page generated on 2021-05-25</p>
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