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Madison Scott-Clary 2020-04-20 17:55:07 -07:00
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/011.html
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<article class="content"> <article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p> <p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>Caitlin helped Carter wheel the mirror rig into place.</p> <p>Caitlin helped Carter wheel the mirror rig into place.</p>
<p>Rather than the usual cradles and headrest, both sets of contacts came in the form of gloves and a headband. She remembered her first experiences, of laying back in a recliner with the uncomfortably itchy accessories, of the panic and sensation of falling that first time, of the world reorienting itself and the gray hands and skin of her default avatar swimming into focus. The instructor's kind voice as he helped her move her arms, her legs for the first time.</p> <p>Rather than the usual cradles and headrest, both sets of contacts came in the form of gloves and a headband. She remembered her first experiences, of laying back in a recliner with the uncomfortably itchy accessories, of the panic and sensation of falling that first time, of the world reorienting itself and the gray hands and skin of her default avatar swimming into focus. The instructor's kind voice as he helped her move her arms and legs for the first time.</p>
<p>The mirror rig let the instructor and the student share a space, yes, but also share a body. It gave the instructor access to the panic button that would knock both instructor and student back out of the sim.</p> <p>The mirror rig let the instructor and the student share a space, yes, but also share a body. It gave the instructor access to the panic button that would knock both instructor and student back out of the sim.</p>
<p>It was that experience of watching Sasha get lost that had kicked Carter's mind into gear. If it was a crash and an incomplete withdrawal, mightn't she use the mirror rig to help pull RJ back? A slight hope, yes, and she might not even have time, judging by the sounds of the argument outside the door, Caitlin's voice now joining the fray.</p> <p>It was that experience of watching Sasha get lost that had kicked Carter's mind into gear. If it was a crash and an incomplete withdrawal, mightn't she use the mirror rig to help pull RJ back? A slight hope, yes, and she might not even have time, judging by the sounds of the argument outside the door, Caitlin's voice now joining the fray.</p>
<p>But she had to try.</p> <p>But she had to try.</p>
<p>She slipped the headband over RJ's head and the gloves over eir hands, and then dragged two chairs closer together so that she could lay on them. No recliner, and the interferites would make her muscles all relax, so sitting up was out of the question. It would have to do.</p> <p>She slipped the headband over RJ's head and the gloves over eir hands, and then dragged two chairs closer together so that she could lay on them. No recliner, and the interferites would make her voluntary muscles relax, so sitting up was out of the question. It would have to do.</p>
<p>She pulled on her own set of accessories, the scratchy, inexpensive fabric familiar even after all these years.</p> <p>She pulled on her own set of accessories, the scratchy, inexpensive fabric familiar even after all these years.</p>
<p>She lay down and delved in.</p> <p>She lay down and delved in.</p>
<p>Blackness. A black that hurt the eyes. A black so bright that it drew forth tears.</p> <p>Blackness. A black that hurt the eyes. A black so bright that it drew forth tears.</p>
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<p>Not the room, the whole world. RJ/Carter sat on a low bench at the edge of a small pond. The bench sat at the edge of a trail in the midst of a narrow ridge of dry, knee-high grass. Cottonwoods dotted the rim of the pond, which was peanut shaped with a short bridge crossing the narrowest section.</p> <p>Not the room, the whole world. RJ/Carter sat on a low bench at the edge of a small pond. The bench sat at the edge of a trail in the midst of a narrow ridge of dry, knee-high grass. Cottonwoods dotted the rim of the pond, which was peanut shaped with a short bridge crossing the narrowest section.</p>
<p>RJ/Carter was murmuring, was speaking aloud. "May one day death itself not die? Should we rejoice in the end of endings? What is the correct thing to hope for? I do not know, I do not know."</p> <p>RJ/Carter was murmuring, was speaking aloud. "May one day death itself not die? Should we rejoice in the end of endings? What is the correct thing to hope for? I do not know, I do not know."</p>
<p>The Carter half of this shared mind struggled, screamed, beat upon the membrane that kept her from truly interacting.</p> <p>The Carter half of this shared mind struggled, screamed, beat upon the membrane that kept her from truly interacting.</p>
<p>"To pray for the end of endings is to pray for the end of memory," the murmur continued. i</p> <p>"To pray for the end of endings is to pray for the end of memory," the murmur continued.</p>
<p>RJ/Carter could feel the way the fabric of the tunic hung off their shared shoulders, feel the way it billowed beneath their thin coat of fur, feel the gentle sway of their shared tail behind the bench. </p> <p>RJ/Carter could feel the way the fabric of the tunic hung off their shared shoulders, feel the way it billowed, beneath their thin coat of fur, feel the gentle sway of their shared tail behind the bench. </p>
<p>It was familiar/alien.</p> <p>It was familiar/alien.</p>
<p>The voice was eir own/not her own.</p> <p>The voice was eir own/not her own.</p>
<p>The feeling of a muzzle natural/unnerving.</p> <p>The feeling of a muzzle natural/unnerving.</p>
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<p>"RJ, b-breathe. Keep breathing," RJ/Carter stammered. The veil began to tear. "We're connected using a mirror rig. D-do you remember learning to use your implants with one?"</p> <p>"RJ, b-breathe. Keep breathing," RJ/Carter stammered. The veil began to tear. "We're connected using a mirror rig. D-do you remember learning to use your implants with one?"</p>
<p>Paws tore at grass, though no longer with panic but with anger/frustration. This was unconscionable/taking too long.</p> <p>Paws tore at grass, though no longer with panic but with anger/frustration. This was unconscionable/taking too long.</p>
<p>Ey didn't have time for this/she didn't have time for this.</p> <p>Ey didn't have time for this/she didn't have time for this.</p>
<!-- there was something cool I was going to put here that both would say but it would mean different things coming from each of them. I think that was it, but am not sure. I'll leave this in until I'm sure. --> <p>The veil tore.</p>
<p>"RJ, I'm going to stop mirroring. Please don't. Please leave me RJ we don't have much time and please leave me alone RJ, Caitlin and Johansson are here."</p>
<p>The veil tore. "RJ, I'm going to stop mirroring. Please don't. Please leave me RJ we don't have much time and please leave me alone RJ, Caitlin and Johansson are here."</p>
<p>And then the veil disappeared and Carter swiped from mirroring to coexisting, and sat on the ground by the weeping fox. "RJ...AwDae. I shouldn't be here. At the UMC, I mean. We don't have too much time. The police are outside and arguing with Johansson. Can you feel for the exit?"</p> <p>And then the veil disappeared and Carter swiped from mirroring to coexisting, and sat on the ground by the weeping fox. "RJ...AwDae. I shouldn't be here. At the UMC, I mean. We don't have too much time. The police are outside and arguing with Johansson. Can you feel for the exit?"</p>
<p>AwDae's fingers dug into the earth, clutched at the roots of the grass. Ey hesitated there, perhaps considering trying to tear up the whole tussock, before sitting up once again, cheekfur stained with streaks of tears. Ey would not look at Carter, and instead looked out toward the mountains.</p> <p>AwDae's fingers dug into the earth, clutched at the roots of the grass. Ey hesitated there, perhaps considering trying to tear up the whole tussock, before sitting up once again, cheekfur stained with streaks of tears. Ey would not look at Carter, and instead looked out toward the mountains.</p>
<p>There was a moment of vertigo as the mountains fell away, the pond rose, and the scene shifted from the curated wilderness into that of a simple flat. Water became hardwood flooring before Carter got wet. Bench became bed. Trees became walls. The sound of the stalks of grass phase-shifted into a quiet purr.</p> <p>There was a moment of vertigo as the mountains fell away, the pond rose, and the scene shifted from the curated wilderness into that of a simple flat. Water became hardwood flooring before Carter got wet. Bench became bed. Trees became walls. The sound of the stalks of grass phase-shifted into a quiet purr.</p>
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<p>"Thank you, AwDae," she said when ey finally fell silent. "This confirms much of what we learned in the lab and in talking with Sasha."</p> <p>"Thank you, AwDae," she said when ey finally fell silent. "This confirms much of what we learned in the lab and in talking with Sasha."</p>
<p>The fox sat bolt upright. "Sasha? You were talking with her?"</p> <p>The fox sat bolt upright. "Sasha? You were talking with her?"</p>
<p>"She contacted me, yes. I wasn't supposed to, but I talked with her and Johansson both."</p> <p>"She contacted me, yes. I wasn't supposed to, but I talked with her and Johansson both."</p>
<p>"I'm glad to hear she's alright, then."</p> <p>E subsided. "I'm glad to hear she's alright, then."</p>
<p>Carter frowned. "She isn't, though. She got lost about an hour ago. Or something, I can't tell time in this place. I delved in to pass on information before the police caught up with me, and Debarre and I watched her get lost. That's what led me to try the mirror rig. You should--"</p> <p>Carter frowned. "She isn't, though. She got lost about an hour ago. Or something, I can't tell time in this place. I delved in to pass on information before the police caught up with me, and Debarre and I watched her get lost. That's what led me to try the mirror rig. You should--"</p>
<p>As she spoke, the fennec's frown grew deeper and deeper, and then, apparently having heard enough, ey dissolved from view. Dissolved with the pleasant disconnection animation.</p> <p>As she spoke, the fennec's frown grew deeper and deeper, and then, apparently having heard enough, ey dissolved from view. Dissolved with the pleasant disconnection animation.</p>
<p>Ey had pulled back.</p> <p>Ey had pulled back.</p>
<p>Carter reached for that cool breeze on the back of her neck and pulled back as well. The quiet purring of the cat was replaced with screaming.</p> <p>Carter reached for that cool breeze on the back of her neck and pulled back as well. The quiet purring of the cat was replaced with screaming.</p>
<p>No, not screaming, shouting. Surprise, not fear or pain. Caitlin and Johansson shouting.</p> <p>No, not screaming, shouting. Surprise, not fear or pain. Caitlin and Johansson shouting.</p>
<p>Carter lifted her head from the chair she had appropriated as a pillow and tried to tug off the gloves of the mirror-rig, found her hands bound with a zip-tie. Police frowned down to her. They Couldn't prevent her from looking, though.</p> <p>Carter lifted her head from the chair she had appropriated as a pillow and tried to tug off the gloves of the mirror-rig, found her hands bound with a zip-tie. Police frowned down to her. They couldn't prevent her from looking, though.</p>
<p>Caitlin was holding RJ's hand, and Johansson was shouting for a doctor.</p> <p>Caitlin was holding RJ's hand, and Johansson was shouting for a doctor.</p>
<p>RJ's eyes were open.</p> <p>RJ's eyes were open.</p>
<p>Before she could rejoice, before anyone could stop her, even herself, she delved back in. Delved back in to the 'net, to her home sim, and swiped up an audio broadcast to Sasha, Debarre, Avery, Prakash, Johansson...everyone she could think of, and began talking. Those that were not listening live would receive a recording.</p> <p>Before she could rejoice, before anyone could stop her, even herself, she delved back in. Delved back in to the 'net, to her home sim, and swiped up an audio broadcast to Sasha, Debarre, Avery, Prakash, Johansson, her PM...everyone she could think of, and began talking. Those that were not listening live would receive a recording.</p>
<p>"My name is Dr Carter Ramirez, researcher at University College London studying the lost. We have succeeded in waking up one patient, RJ Brewster, and have discovered the mechanism by which individuals get lost. The police and Western Fed agents are here to prevent me from saying this, so if I disconnect, that is why. Do not use the DDR. This is the source of the mechanism as described by Mx Brewster."</p> <p>"My name is Dr Carter Ramirez, researcher at University College London studying the lost. We have succeeded in waking up one patient, RJ Brewster, and have discovered the mechanism by which individuals get lost. The police and Western Fed agents are here to prevent me from saying this, so if I disconnect, that is why. Do not use the DDR. This is the source of the mechanism as described by Mx Brewster."</p>
<p>She kept speaking until she had exhausted the knowledge of what she had learned over the last week. The pressure from on high. The data shifting. The rising panic. The only thing she left out was Prakash's involvement, the Sino-Russian Bloc's interest in the case.</p> <p>She kept speaking until she had exhausted the knowledge of what she had learned over the last week. The pressure from on high. The data shifting. The rising panic. The only thing she left out was Prakash's involvement, the Sino-Russian Bloc's interest in the case.</p>
<p>And then she pulled back once more, sat up, and tugged off the gloves with her teeth. She shrugged to the police and, on seeing RJ sitting up, smiled over to em.</p> <p>And then she pulled back once more, sat up, and tugged off the gloves with her teeth. She shrugged to the police and, on seeing RJ sitting up, smiled over to em.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-17</p> <p>Page generated on 2020-04-20</p>
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<li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Qoheleth/005.html">Qoheleth 005</a> --- Qoheleth gets Dear's ping</li> <li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Qoheleth/005.html">Qoheleth 005</a> --- Qoheleth gets Dear's ping</li>
<li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Ioan/009.html">Ioan 009</a> --- Qoheleth gives his speech, is assassinated</li> <li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Ioan/009.html">Ioan 009</a> --- Qoheleth gives his speech, is assassinated</li>
<li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Qoheleth/006.html">Qoheleth 006</a> --- Assassinated</li> <li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Qoheleth/006.html">Qoheleth 006</a> --- Assassinated</li>
<li class="done3"> Chapter: <a href="Carter/011.html">Carter 011</a> RJ surprised to see Carter there, resists leaving as the sudden aspect of something not being in control is a shock</li> <li class="done4"> Chapter: <a href="Carter/011.html">Carter 011</a> RJ surprised to see Carter there, resists leaving as the sudden aspect of something not being in control is a shock</li>
<li class="done3"> Chapter: <a href="Ioan/010.html">Ioan 010</a> --- Wrapping up with Dear, Serene, Praiseworthy</li> <li class="done3"> Chapter: <a href="Ioan/010.html">Ioan 010</a> --- Wrapping up with Dear, Serene, Praiseworthy</li>
<li class="done3"> Chapter: <a href="Sasha/003.html">Sasha 003</a> --- endless field of dandelions, then suddenly Debarre, pulled back, brought up to speed on what Carter learned about how to rescue lost and the conspiracy</li> <li class="done3"> Chapter: <a href="Sasha/003.html">Sasha 003</a> --- endless field of dandelions, then suddenly Debarre, pulled back, brought up to speed on what Carter learned about how to rescue lost and the conspiracy</li>
<li class="rejected"> Chapter: <!-- <a href="Sasha/004.html">Sasha 004</a> - ~~Sasha and Debarre publish evidence, Carter passes to Prakash, spreads like wildfire~~ News stories? Maybe not even necessary.--> (REJECTED given to Carter, plus Sasha's eulogy)</li> <li class="rejected"> Chapter: <!-- <a href="Sasha/004.html">Sasha 004</a> - ~~Sasha and Debarre publish evidence, Carter passes to Prakash, spreads like wildfire~~ News stories? Maybe not even necessary.--> (REJECTED given to Carter, plus Sasha's eulogy)</li>