update from sparkleup
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<p>I woke, exhausted, to a cup of coffee steaming on the bedside table.</p>
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<p>At some point while I’d slept, Hanne had once more split the bed into two separate mattresses and very gently instructed the sim to slide them a few feet away from each other. Perhaps I’d been tossing and turning, or maybe I’d been snoring. I promised myself I’d ask later, then promptly forgot about it in favor of the coffee mug waiting for me.</p>
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<p>Coffee and chicory, nearly a third milk by volume. Perfect.</p>
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<p>I was two sips in when the weight of what happened hit me once again. I didn’t quite know how it was that it had escaped me, and a pile of ‘how could’ questions started to hem me in again — how could I possibly forget, when this is the biggest thing that has happened to our clade ever? Never mind sys-side or phys-side; ever.</p>
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<p>No, I needed to stop thinking like that.</p>
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<p>I forced myself to sit up in bed and drink my coffee. My goal was to sip it until it was finished. I stared out the window for a bit. I cried for a bit. I drank about half my coffee before the wait becomes unbearable.</p>
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<p>I was two sips in when the weight of what happened hit me once again. I didn’t quite know how it was that they had escaped me in those minutes after waking, but a pile of ‘how could’ questions started to hem me in again — how could I possibly forget, when this is the biggest thing that has happened to our clade ever? Never mind sys-side or phys-side; ever.</p>
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<p>I forced myself to sit up in bed and drink my coffee. I set myself the goal of sipping until it was finished. I stared out the window for a bit. I cried for a bit. I drank about half my coffee before the wait became unbearable.</p>
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<p>Five minutes. Hah.</p>
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<p>I couldn’t quite interact face-to-face yet, not with Hanne, not with the occasional bout of sniffles still striking me. Instead, I sent the gentlest ping I could manage to Vos, receive no answer. </p>
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<p>I couldn’t quite interact face-to-face yet. Not with Hanne, not with the occasional bout of sniffles still striking me. Instead, I sent the gentlest ping I could manage to Vos, receive no answer. </p>
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<p>I tried various members of the clade next. Lily flatly rebuffed me. There weren’t any words, just a prickly sensation of solitude and the physical signs of anger. Rush didn’t respond, but ve always did sleep better than all of us. Sedge begged another hour’s rest, and I acquiesced. Tule and Cress were both asleep.</p>
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<p>Well, that was the first layer of contacts done. None of us were single, but of all the partners I knew, the only I’d talked to in any depth were Vos and Pierre. Beyond them, there was…</p>
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<p>I reached out mentally to send a sensorium ping to Dry Grass, only for the perisystem architecture to present me with a series of options, numbering well above a dozen. She’d been busy, apparently, forking as needed throughout the night and– yep, two of those available instances disappeared as they quit, followed shortly by one more new one being added. She was still awake, apparently.</p>
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<p>Well, that was the first layer of contacts. None of us were single, but of all the partners I knew, the only ones I’d talked to in any depth were Vos and Pierre. Beyond them, there was…</p>
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<p>I reached out mentally to send a sensorium ping to Dry Grass, only for the perisystem architecture to present me with a series of options, numbering well above a dozen. She’d been busy, apparently, forking as needed throughout the night and– yep, two of those available instances disappeared as they quit, followed shortly by one more new one being added. She was certainly still awake.</p>
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<p><em>Good morning, Reed,</em> her root instance murmured through a message. <em>More well rested, now?</em></p>
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<p><em>Best I can be, at least,</em> I sent back. <em>I, uh…sorry for interrupting. The rest of the clade’s asleep and I don’t want to pester Hanne any more than I need to, not after last night.</em></p>
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<p>There was mirth on the other end, some barely-sensed laughter that doesn’t quite rise to the level of coming through the message. Another tug at my emotions left over from Tule’s merge. <em>It was rather stressful, was it not? You do not need to apologize, however. How are you feeling?</em></p>
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<p>There was mirth on the other end, some barely-sensed laughter that didn’t quite rise to the level of coming through the message. Another tug at my emotions, more leftovers from Tule’s merge. <em>It was rather stressful, was it not? You do not need to apologize, however. How are you feeling?</em></p>
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<p><em>Honestly?</em></p>
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<p><em>Please. I want to hear.</em></p>
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<p><em>I’m feeling like shit.</em> I laughed, shaking my head. <em>I mean, of course I am. I’m some awful mix of hopeful that there’s some solution, mourning Marsh, kicking myself for mourning them maybe preemptively, kicking myself for not doing more, and just plain confused.</em></p>
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<p><em>They are asleep,</em> she sent, and I could hear the fondness in her voice. <em>One of me is keeping an eye on them, pretending to sleep.</em></p>
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<p><em>And the rest of you?</em></p>
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<p><em>Working.</em></p>
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<p>I finished my coffee in two coarse swallows, winced at the uncomfortable sensation. I took another moment to stand up and start making the bed again. As I did, I asked, <em>What on? I saw a ton of forks.</em></p>
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<p>I finished my coffee in two coarse swallows, winced at the uncomfortable sensation that followed. I took another moment to stand up and start making the bed again. As I did, I asked, <em>What on? I saw a ton of forks.</em></p>
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<p>The sense of a nod, and then, <em>Several things. One of me is still keeping tallies on how many are missing based on reports, which appears to be some few million so far. Another of me is collating the varied types of posts on the feeds — wild supposition, unchecked grief, confusion, and so on. Another is speaking to…a member of the eighth stanza through an intermediary–</em></p>
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<p><em>This ‘An Answer’ you mentioned?</em></p>
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<p><em>Yes. The Only Time I Dream Is When I Need An Answer. She is the one who has focused on interpersonal connections, which is only relevant in that she is the only one willing to pass on information to the portions of the clade that cut them off, about twenty of us.</em></p>
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<p><em>Yes. The Only Time I Dream Is When I Need An Answer. She is the one who has focused on interpersonal connections, which is only relevant in that she is the only one remaining in the stanza willing to pass on information to the portions of the clade that cut them off, about twenty of us.</em></p>
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<p>I snorted. <em>Minus you, I guess.</em></p>
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<p><em>Well, yes. Nominally twenty of us,</em> she sent, and I could sense that almost-laughter again.</p>
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<p><em>Well, yes. Nominally twenty of us,</em> she sent, and I could sense that almost-laughter again. <em>Though it is far more complicated than that.</em></p>
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<p><em>Any news from Castor or Pollux?</em></p>
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<p><em>Yes,</em> she replied, hesitated, then continued, <em>Though would you be willing to go for a walk to discuss what I have heard?</em></p>
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<p><em>Yes,</em> she replied, hesitated before continuing, <em>Though would you be willing to go for a walk to discuss what I have heard?</em></p>
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<p><em>I guess. Why?</em></p>
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<p><em>So I can get out of the house. So</em> you <em>can get out of the house. So we can actually talk instead of me sitting in a war room populated by too many of me and you making your bed or whatever it is you are doing now.</em></p>
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<p>I hesitated, halfway through smoothing out the sheets. <em>Oh, uh…alright. Let me say good morning to Hanne. Do you have a place to meet?</em></p>
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<p>She sent the address of a public sim, to which I sent a ping of acknowledgement and a suggestion of five minutes’ time.</p>
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<p>Hanne sat at the dining room table, coffee in her hands, staring out at nothing, a sure sign that she was digging through something on the perisystem architecture. Probably poking her way through the feeds, looking for news of her own. She had her own friends, after all, her own circle of co-hobbyists, those who shared her interest in creating various objects and constructs. She had her own people to care about that weren’t just me, weren’t just the Marshans.</p>
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<p>I chose instead to make myself another coffee, letting a cone of silence linger above me so that I didn’t disturb her, even though her eyes do flick up toward me once or twice, joined by a weak smile.</p>
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<p>I chose instead to make myself another coffee, letting a cone of silence linger above me so that I didn’t disturb her, even though her eyes did flick up toward me once or twice, joined by a weak smile.</p>
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<p>“Want some space?” I asked once a new pot of coffee sits in the center of the table.</p>
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<p>“Kind of, yeah,” she said, voice dull. “Jess isn’t responding. She’s <em>there,</em> but not responding. Shu is gone though. Just…” A sniffle. “Completely gone. It’s like she was never even there in the first place.”</p>
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<p>I felt my expression fall. It was bound to happen, I figured; we know enough people that if, as Dry Grass had said, millions had already been reported missing, Marsh wouldn’t be the only one.</p>
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<p>I felt my expression fall. It was bound to happen, I figured; we knew enough people that if, as Dry Grass had said, millions had already been reported missing, Marsh wouldn’t be the only one.</p>
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<p>I reached forward to pat the back of her hand, which she tolerated for a moment before lifting it out of the way.</p>
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<p>“I’m sorry, Hanne,” I said. “I know you liked them.”</p>
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<p>She nodded.</p>
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<p>Hanne furrowed her brow. “A few <em>million?</em> Jesus. Any word from phys-side?”</p>
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<p>“Not that she mentioned, no.”</p>
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<p>“Great. Of course not.”</p>
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<p>I nodded, covered my anxiety with a sip of coffee.</p>
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<p>I nodded, covering my anxiety with a sip of coffee.</p>
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<p>“Well, hey,” she said, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek. “Go on and go talk with Dry Grass. Could be she’s learned more, could be they’ve said something and we just haven’t gotten it yet. If she’s as plugged in as she says she is, then doubtless she knows more than she’s showing.”</p>
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<p>“Right.” I laughed. “Of all of us, she would.”</p>
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