update from sparkleup
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Madison Scott-Clary
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<title>Zk | 004</title>
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<h1>Zk | 004</h1>
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<h1 id="douglas-hadje-2325">Douglas Hadje — 2325</h1>
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<p>May Then My Name,</p>
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<p>Thank you for writing back. I was not expecting to get so emotional from your questions. They struck a nerve, and I’m still not sure why. I sent my answers and then went to lay down and do exactly as I said: curl up and cry.</p>
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<p>Of course, then I sobered up, such as it were, and immediately regretted it. I feel like I was too emotional, too caught up in the moment. Too personal, maybe? You and I have had a very professional relationship, and I <em>am</em> grateful for that, because we did just launch two interstellar probes full of a few billion souls. I feel like my answers were maybe too familiar.</p>
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<p>Of course, your reply put at least some of that anxiety to rest, for which I am very thankful. I will answer your next batch of questions momentarily, but I want to address some points from your letter leading up to those, first.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>Of course I will write back! I have no intention of stopping. Ioan and I will continue to bombard you with questions until either you tell us to stop or we come out with our history and mythography — and even then, do not count on it. Also, please feel free to ask us your own questions. Not only will we enjoy answering them, but they will continue to help us build our picture of you which will help us put your answers in context.</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>Oh, don’t worry! I will have plenty of questions for you. If I’m going to upload in the future, I’d also like to know more about how things are sys-side. I mostly only contact you (and I guess Ioan through you? Hi Ioan!) so it all sounds very surreal.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>I do remember the name Michelle Hadje. She was on the Council of Eight as you mention, but more, she was the source of (or at least involved with) many of the ideas that drive the System to this day. She came up with the idea of forking, for instance, as well as the reputation market that we use in lieu of currency in order to regulate forking in the early days. Unfortunately, Michelle herself does not remain in the System as of a bit under twenty years ago, so I will not be able to put you in touch with her, and should you choose to upload in the future, you will not be able to meet her face to face. I am sorry for your loss.</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>Thank you so much for letting me know. I’m saddened by this, but weirdly calm as well. That I will never get to meet her comes with grief, but that I now at least know something of her (even if it’s of her end), a portion of my curiosity has been sated.</p>
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<p>I say a portion, though; did you ever meet her? You say she was formative for a lot of the System’s tech; does everyone know that about her? Is she famous? If you did know her, what was she like? You say that you’re working with a historian, perhaps ey knows?</p>
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<p>I know her end, but I remain hungry for any information that you can give on her life.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>You mention having little to do. Do you know when you might upload? Failing that, might you ask the Launch commission if you might add real-time communication with us to your list of duties? It would be convenient to have someone on the station to talk to so that we are not limited by the transmission time planet-side.</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>I asked, and they said yes. Though again, they were largely baffled by the request. They have suggested that I keep communication as the last priority on my list of duties, which, sure. I’ll send a message when I’m able to talk, if you’re amenable. Will they wake you if you’re asleep? (Do you sleep? I realize I don’t even know.)</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>You say that you consider your body a ‘tool and vehicle to get you from place to place’. I would like you to know that, upon reading that I ran to show Ioan your response and laugh in eir face for being almost exactly like you in this respect.</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>I am not sure whether to thank you or be offended, but since Ioan sounds very interesting, I’ll go with the former. Everything is so much bigger than I am, I sometimes wonder why I ought to worry about my body at all. Perhaps this is an artifact of an unpleasant upbringing and a long series of very intellectual jobs, and perhaps it’s just foreshadowing me uploading.</p>
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<p>Ioan, if you’re reading this, maybe you can explain this to May Then My Name, if you haven’t already!</p>
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<p>Before I get to answering questions, here are a list of mine not already included above:</p>
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<ul>
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<li>What does your day-to-day life look like?</li>
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<li>What did you do before uploading?</li>
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<li>Where were you before uploading? If it’s not insensitive to ask, do you have an accent while speaking? I’ve noticed a few habits you have when writing (you don’t use contractions, for instance), so it got me thinking.</li>
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<li>I sort of asked in my previous email, but I worry that I overstepped my bounds by asking when you uploaded. Is that a sensitive topic?</li>
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<li>Where does your name come from? Does it come from that snippet you sent to me?</li>
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<li>On that note, do forks generally keep the same name (you mentioned three copies of Ioan, for instance), or is it common to change names for different forks?</li>
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<li>In the status reports you sent for the launches, you mention dispersionistas, trackers, and taskers, and in the final one, you mention that investing fully in the launch was a danger for taskers. By this, and from some surface-level research, I infer that these describe habits of forking. I’d like to hear your take on it, though. What habit do you have? Is this something people even talk about? Argue or fight about? Is it insensitive for me to ask? If so, apologies!</li>
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</ul>
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<p>These questions are for Ioan, if ey’s up for answering them:</p>
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<ul>
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<li>What does being a historian on the System look like? I keep imagining that you live in a sort of repository of all knowledge anyway and can just look up whatever you want. Is that true?</li>
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<li>What are some things that you enjoy researching/writing about? </li>
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<li>Is there a university up there where people study? What other occupations are there?</li>
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<li>Were you a historian before you uploaded?</li>
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<li>I asked May Then My Name above; if you’re comfortable answering, what habit of forking do you have?</li>
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</ul>
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<p>And now, for the answers to your questions.</p>
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<p>If you are willing, tell me more about your childhood (where you were born, what your parents were like, what your schooling was like, etc).
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:</p>
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<p>What is your earliest memory?
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:</p>
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<p>Tell me more about Earth. We can get the facts from broadcasts and information requests, but I want to see it through your eyes and feel it through your hands.
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:</p>
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<p>If you could go back anywhere in history and change any one thing, what would it be?
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:</p>
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<p>If you could go back in time and tell yourself any one thing, what would it be?
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:</p>
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<p>You are given three wishes, with three restrictions: they must have plausible deniability (that is, be explained by luck, natural causes, etc.; no changing people’s memories!); they must not involve singular personal benefit for you or any one individual; they must provide a benefit, rather than a detriment. What are they?
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:</p>
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<p>Do you have any romantic attachments? I am assuming no by your previous message. Have you in the past? Will you in the future?
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:</p>
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<p>If yes, what do you look for in a partner?
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:</p>
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<p>If no, explain why not.
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:</p>
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<p>When was the last time someone said ‘I love you’? How did that feel?
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:</p>
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<p>What are your opinions on sex?
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:</p>
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<p>Have you had sex before?
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:</p>
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<p>Will you have sex (again) before you upload?
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:</p>
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<p>Do you masturbate?
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:</p>
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<p>Assuming you have one, where is your favorite place to be touched? Least favorite?
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:</p>
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<p>What is your favorite texture?
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:</p>
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<p>What is the greatest pain you have ever felt, physically, mentally, or emotionally?
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:</p>
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<p>If you could change any one thing about your body, what would it be?
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:</p>
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<p>You asked me to react to the following lines without looking them up.</p>
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<p>Since then — ‘tis Centuries — and yet / Feels shorter than the Day / I first surmised the Horses’ Heads / Were toward Eternity —
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:</p>
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<p>I was of three minds / Like a tree / In which there are three blackbirds.
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:</p>
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<p>She has but does not possess, / acts but doesn’t expect. / When her work is done, she forgets it. / That is why it lasts forever.
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:</p>
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<p>Flown to space by what callous earth destroyed, / I chase the long-flying radio waves, / and sift to find again your breathing voice / Far away from grief and a potter’s grave.
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:</p>
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<p>Time is a finger pointing at itself / that it might give the world orders. / The world is an audience before a stage / where it watches the slow hours progress. / And we are the motes in the stage-lights, / Beholden to the heat of the lamps.
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:</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-08-27</p>
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