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Madison Scott-Clary
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<li class="done4"> Part IV - Arrival (all stories reach present, all discuss irreversibility)<ul>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="secession/phys/Yared/010.html">Secession: phys-side: Yared</a> - Vote passes with both secession and L5 amendments intact, those who know him are torn on whether he’s a hero or villain; zero compensation/recognition from Demma, who derides the system, why don’t you marry it if you love it so much. (secession = irreversibility) - 2192</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/launch/Codrin-castor/008.html">Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor</a> - Interviews True Name for the last time, learning that True Name/her stanza and Jonas orchestrated the launch from the before the supposed beginning over long years of influence (incl nudging Douglas as soon as he got first job as ansible tech and Michelle nudging her toward the idea of divesting), have been in contact across sys/launch to ensure divergence remains at acceptable levels (irreversible), comes home to Dear, sighs, gets hugs, comfort that the ends aren’t bad, even if the means are. - 2183</li>
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</ul>
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<h1 id="x-secession-sys-side-true-name-council-meets-celebrates-after-meets-with-jonas-to-discuss-ways-to-ensure-stability-going-forward-growth-irreversibility-1466-expand">* [X] <a href="secession/sys/True-Name/008.html">Secession: sys-side: True Name</a> - Council meets, celebrates; after, meets with Jonas to discuss ways to ensure stability going forward (growth = irreversibility) - 1466 Expand?</h1>
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<ul>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="secession/sys/True-Name/008.html">Secession: sys-side: True Name</a> - Council meets, celebrates; after, meets with Jonas to discuss ways to ensure stability going forward (growth = irreversibility) - 1466 Expand?</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/sys/Ioan/011.html">Launch: sys-side: Ioan</a> - Ioan interviews True Name, finds out they’re still everywhere, steering system, difference between conservatives/liberals is scale of manipulation, liberals think too small (see quote below) - 1975</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="secession/sys/Michelle/004.html">Secession: sys-side: Michelle</a> - Acknowledges a few years after dissolution of Council that the clade has gotten out of hand, hints that she basically died when forking, irreversible, muses on how broken she must have been to lead to this situation, goes largely into seclusion to keep herself calm/stable, talking only to May Then My Name and a few others - 1599</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/sys/Ioan/012.html">Launch: sys-side: Ioan</a> - Discusses role of each stanza; kind of freaks out at May b/c like finding out your in-laws-ish are the illuminati, though ey comes around because a) she explains need for control as trauma response, and b) tells myth in progress, about how the gods created the world in an attempt to shape it to their will, but instead became impersonal forces in the face of absolute independence; Ioan and May finally fucking get together, discuss irreversibility of that act, since Ioan didn’t fork like Codrin - 2455</li>
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</ul>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-18</p>
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<p>“I very much consider it a success. Many sys-side were on board with it, and those who were not simply did not care. Those phys-side were quite eager to work with us with, only a very small minority who were not.</p>
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<p>“As for your second question, I think that that was largely due to this being the first time in nearly two centuries that our two groups have worked together on one goal in any meaningful way. Scientists sys-side consulted with those phys-side on the design of the launch struts and arms. Many sys-side focused on providing a set of goals to be accomplished by the launch, and many phys-side focused on the design of the System replicas, solar sails, and the Dreamer Module.”</p>
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<p>Codrin nodded as ey jotted down her answer. Ey considered asking her about the sys-side friction regarding the Dreamer Module that Brahe had mentioned, but decided to hold off on bringing up something that might prove contentious just yet.</p>
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<p>Instead, ey asked, “You mention that this is the first time in nearly two centuries that the two sides have worked together on something. Can you give me an over of the types of collaboration that you were a part of or witnessed during Launch?”</p>
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<p>Instead, ey asked, “You mention that this is the first time in nearly two centuries that the two sides have worked together on something. Can you give me an overview of the types of collaboration that you were a part of or witnessed during Launch?”</p>
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<p>She laughed easily. “Is it not strange how we are already speaking of it in a similar way to Secession? I can hear the capital-L in your voice when you speak and you leave the definite article unspoken. But yes, I can tell you about that.</p>
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<p>“You doubtless know that quite a few elements of the Ode clade worked on the launch project. My own up-tree instance, May Then My Name Die With Me, was the sys-side launch director. My role, however, was to act as the political liaison between the two entities. There were meetings to be had, tempers to be soothed, knotty problems of jurisdiction to be considered. Did you know that there were discussions as to whether the new LV systems would be considered as seceding from the L<sub>5</sub> System? It was all very thorny. We eventually decided that the LVs would be considered a joint project with fifty-percent responsibility of sys- and phys-side and their Systems independent colonies. I found it quite silly, but here we are.”</p>
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<p>Ey chuckled at the suggestion. “I suppose it is a little silly, but then, much of the political side is over my head. Tangentially, and maybe this is a question better asked by Ioan and May Then My Name, I was informed that the launch director phys-side is actually a distant relative of Michelle Hadje’s. You must have been aware of that, given your role, but I’m curious as to your thoughts on having him involved.”</p>
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<p>“Only a suggestion. You have doubtless heard of Jonas, yes? Good. Well, I might also suggest that you find an instance of the Jonas clade to talk with. Given the direction of your questions, he will likely have much that will interest you.”</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-17</p>
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<p>“Do you know the contents of those interviews?”</p>
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<p>“No. We are not reading your notes, we are simply keeping tabs on the project.”</p>
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<p>“Much of what ey learned,” ey said, starting to feel the heat of anger rising through fear, growing within em. “Indicated that many of those who upload, even if it’s only those who upload for the incentive, hold more than just a cynical view of the System. They recognize that it is a tool that their governments hold over them and perhaps recognize that those governments are tools of the System in turn, even if only on some subconscious level. If they’re your pupae, they know the terrors of being a butterfly caught in a net.”</p>
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<p>“And Jonas Prime told Ioan about the cost-benefit analyses inherent in all that we do,” True Name countered. “Some small fraction may be aware of and unhappy withthe actions that we have taken, but in the grand scheme of things, we are simply setting up and maintaining the progression for all, removing them from lives that require such manipulations to somewhere where those manipulations are not just unneeded, but are not possible. The same applies to your project, as I’m sure you have heard. It passes the same measure as insignificant in the grand scheme of things.”</p>
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<p>“And Jonas Prime told Ioan about the cost-benefit analyses inherent in all that we do,” True Name countered. “Some small fraction may be aware of and unhappy with the actions that we have taken, but in the grand scheme of things, we are simply setting up and maintaining the progression for all, removing them from lives that require such manipulations to somewhere where those manipulations are not just unneeded, but are not possible. The same applies to your project, as I’m sure you have heard. It passes the same measure as insignificant in the grand scheme of things.”</p>
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<p>The skunk’s words, however calm they might have seemed, battered and buffeted em. They smashed up against eir emotions and base instincts, scuffing away carefully-maintained control until the fear and anger shone through bright and hot. Codrin pushed emself quickly to eir feet and leaned eir hands against the desktop. “How fucking cynical do you have to be to wind up in this mindset? I’ve met so many of your clade, and none of them have their heads so far up their asses as you do. I can’t believe–“</p>
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<p>Throughout eir rant True Name’s smile grew icy, and before ey could finish, she waved eir hand, bouncing em from her sim.</p>
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<p>Ey found emself standing at the entrance to the prairie, there on that short path that wound its way up to the house, to eir home. A few seconds later, a slip of paper fluttered to the ground in front of em. Reaching down to pick it up, ey unfolded it and read in the Odists’ neat handwriting, “Come back when you are less angry, Codrin. You have your confirmation, and when you have digested it, we will discuss what will happen next. Respectfully, The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream of the Ode clade.”</p>
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<p>“Well, Ne Jonas told Codrin#Pollux that we — that is, the Bălan clade and the liberal elements of the Ode clade — were guided toward beginning this project. Is that true?”</p>
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<p>If the phrase ‘liberal elements’ or its implication that True Name must be one of the conservatives had any effect on the skunk, she didn’t show it. Instead, she simply nodded. “Yes. A project such as this was deemed important in that it would add the spice needed to keep System life on its toes, much as Ne Jonas mentioned. We encouraged this in a calm and orderly fashion. Does that make sense?”</p>
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<p>“I suppose. When did the nudges come?”</p>
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<p>True name sighed and rested on her forearms on the desk. “To answer that question requires answering a different question. We began by canvasing various art institutes, actually. I do not know why we simply did not track Dear or May Then My Name or any of the Hammered Silver stanza, as that would probably have shortened our search a good deal. All the same, we came across an exhibition at the Simien Fang School of Art and Design on history and its context in the world of the System by one Ioan Bălan. Do you remember that?”</p>
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<p>True name sighed and rested on her forearms on the desk. “To answer that question requires answering a different question. We began by canvasing various art institutes, actually. I do not know why we simply did not track Dear or May Then My Name or any of the Pointing At Itself stanza, as that would probably have shortened our search a good deal. All the same, we came across an exhibition at the Simien Fang School of Art and Design on history and its context in the world of the System by one Ioan Bălan. Do you remember that?”</p>
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<p>Codrin lifted eir pen and blinked up to the ceiling, dredging up the memories of eir own gallery exhibition, so many years ago.</p>
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<p>Too many years, ago, ey realized. “But that was in 2298.”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded. “It was, yes.”</p>
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<p>“But the launch project was proposed in 2306, wasn’t it?”</p>
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<p>“It was, yes,” the skunk repeated. “Publicly, at least. The project began as a cooperation between the Jonas clade and elements of the Ode clade in 2290.”</p>
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<p>“It was, yes,” the skunk repeated. “Publicly, at least. The project began as a collaboration between the Jonas clade and elements of the Ode clade in 2290.”</p>
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<p>“But you said that Michelle told you–“</p>
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<p>“To “Do something big. Do something worthy of us”, yes. There is nowhere in there that mentions Launch, is there? My up-tree instances told you a slightly different phrase to better guide your line of thought.”</p>
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<p>“To “Do something big. Do something worthy of us”, yes. My up-tree instances told you a slightly different phrase to better guide your line of thought to where we are today. There is nowhere in there that mentions Launch, though, is there?”</p>
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<p>“I suppose, not,” ey said.</p>
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<p>“But perhaps we ought to talk about Michelle, as well. I also said in that interview that I no longer considered myself Michelle Hadje, having diverged too far from her to be the same person. That is why we had no real compunctions about influencing her as well. That began many years back, of course, but when your root instance makes a suggestion to you, especially on the day she dies, you are quite likely to follow it, are you not? That provides quite a useful tool when interfacing with all elements of the clade, so we decided to take advantage of that early on.”</p>
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<p>“You…influenced Michelle to steer the Clade?”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded, smiling. “It is what we — the clade, yes, but my stanza in particular — are good at, yes, so we nudged her to suggest what she did to the first lines, all vague pronouncements, which helped us guide everyone toward the project.”</p>
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<p>“And did you nudge her to quit?”</p>
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<p>The skunk did not speak. A non-answer that spoke volumes.</p>
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<p>The skunk did not speak. A non-answer that was answer enough.</p>
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<p>Codrin spent a minute tamping down eir temper. Ey had, after all, promised to remain calm. When ey felt like ey could speak in a level tone of voice, ey asked, “So you began the project of the launch long before it was really an open discussion. What was involved in that?”</p>
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<p>“There were three aspects involved. Phys-side political, sys-side political, and technological. Sys-side was, as always, the easiest. Hardly anything to be done. Phys-side, we had to pull quite a few strings. Technologically, it simply involved the right organizations funded, the right people hired at those organizations — as our dear Douglas was — the right scientists put in charge of the right projects. Do you need further details on that? I can speak at length, but want to respect your time and energy, if you have additional questions.”</p>
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<p>“To confirm, you influenced Michelle Hadje to ensure the clade worked with the launch project, influenced politics phys-side to ensure that support would be there, and made sure Douglas was part of the team?”</p>
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<p>True name stood, brushing her paws down over her blouse to straighten some imagined crease. “Then I must thank you. It has been surprisingly fulfilling to be able to talk through all of this. It is, as your partner states, irreversibility. We cannot un-launch, we cannot un-diverge from Pollux or the System. You can surely appreciate that.”</p>
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<p>“I’ll have to tell it that when I get back. It’ll be excited to hear its idea out in the wild.”</p>
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<p>The skunk walked with em to the door and grinned. “It will be fucking pissed, Codrin Bălan, and we both know that.”</p>
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<p>When ey returned home and quit to merge with the Codrin that had remained behind, ey set down eir notes on eir desk, walked into the house proper, into the bedroom, and slipped, fully-clothed, beneath the sheets. The interview had not lasted more than half an hour, and yet ey felt drained.</p>
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<p>When ey returned home and set down eir notes on eir desk, et quit to merge with the Codrin that had remained behind, walked into the house proper, into the bedroom, and slipped, fully-clothed, beneath the sheets. The interview had not lasted more than half an hour, and yet ey felt drained.</p>
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<p>Ey must have dozed off at some point, as ey was woken by Dear crawling into the bed behind em, one of the fox’s skinny arms slinking around eir chest, and then a cold nose pressed against the back of eir neck.</p>
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<p>“Afternoon,” ey mumbled.</p>
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<p><em>“Evening, actually. I wanted to let you sleep, but dinner will be up shortly.”</em></p>
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<p>“You don’t have to apologize for her. For them. What did you call them before?”</p>
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<p><em>“Batty,”</em> the fox giggled. <em>“They are all batty.”</em></p>
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<p>“Very, very batty,” Codrin mumbled, and there was a pleasant silence between the two.</p>
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<p>There was a loud clatter and a shouted curse from the kitchen, followed quickly by Dear forking off an instance to go help its partner, leaving the original fox and Codrin to sit up in bed.</p>
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<p>A loud clatter and a shouted curse from the kitchen was followed quickly by Dear forking off an instance to go help its partner, leaving the original fox and Codrin to sit up in bed.</p>
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<p>“You know,” ey said. “True Name said that you’d get fucking pissed if I told you this, but I’m going to anyway, because I can’t leave well enough alone. She said that the divergence between the two LVs and the System was irreversible.”</p>
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<p><em>“Oh, did she?”</em> Dear said, laughing. <em>“What a fraud.”</em></p>
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<p>“That’s not fucking pissed. I was promised fucking pissed.”</p>
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<p>“No.” Codrin finally allowed emself to be pulled to eir feet, smoothing out eir rumpled clothing. “No, I suppose not.”</p>
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<h1 id="tycho-brahecastor-2346">Tycho Brahe#Castor — 2346</h1>
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<p>After a certain point, when you get so far from the sun that transmission times blur into days, the concepts of day and night stop meaning so much, and you rely instead on long habits borne out of a necessity to sleep, and to sleep generally on the same schedule as others. And if you must do that, you might as well follow the same schedule you’ve always kept, the same day-night cycle that even Earth understands. The same clock ticks across three different Systems, after all.</p>
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<p>After a certain point, when one gets so far from the sun that transmission times blur into days, the concepts of day and night stop meaning so much, and one relies instead on long habits borne out of a necessity to sleep, and to sleep generally on the same schedule as others. And if one must do that, one might as well follow the same schedule one has always kept, the same day-night cycle that even Earth understands. The same clock ticks across three different Systems, after all.</p>
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<p>And so it is that, in some wonderful serendipity, all three members of the Bălan clade are asleep. Both Codrins have fallen asleep with Dear in their arms, as they so often do, while both versions of the third member of their triad curl a few inches away, never having done well being touched while sleeping. The foxes fit so nicely against their fronts, their fur so soft.</p>
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<p>Ioan sleeps, too, and in eir arms, May dreams. She is somewhere between waking and sleeping, and has been letting herself hover there for the last hour, while she does her best work, sewing hypnogogic myths into the seam of dream and reality. Ioan sleeps with eir arms around her, snoring gently, while she stays curled against em, head tucked up under her partner’s chin, tail draped loosely over eir hip. The skunk fits so nicely against eir front, her fur so soft.</p>
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<p>Perhaps the other Odists sleep and dream and snore and curl, too. End Waking does, one supposes, tired after another day exploring that endless forest, another day climbing trees and clambering through ravines doing his best to wear himself out, to sleep, to stop feeling. Serene certianly does, too, so that she can use those dreams to build new landscapes; mountains, perhaps, or maybe a swamp. Some instances of True Name must be sleeping, because we know that she must at some point, but others are likely out and about, walking sims, or perhaps planning with any number of different Jonases, scheming and conniving and workshopping and wargaming.</p>
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<p>Ioan sleeps, too, and in eir arms, May Then My Name dreams. She is somewhere between waking and sleeping, and has been letting herself hover there for the last hour, while she does her best work, sewing hypnogogic myths into the seams of dream and reality. Ioan sleeps with eir arms around her, snoring gently, while she stays curled against em, head tucked up under her partner’s chin, tail draped loosely over eir hip. The skunk fits so nicely against eir front, her fur so soft.</p>
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<p>Perhaps the other Odists sleep and dream and snore and curl, too. End Waking does, one supposes, tired after another day exploring that endless forest, another day climbing trees and clambering through ravines, doing his best to wear himself out, to sleep, to stop feeling. Serene certainly does, too, so that she can use those dreams to build new landscapes; mountains, perhaps, or maybe a swamp. Some instances of True Name are surely sleeping, because we know that she must at some point, but others are likely out and about, walking sims, or perhaps planning with any number of different Jonases, scheming and conniving and workshopping and wargaming.</p>
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<p>Douglas sleeps, out there on the dandelion-speckled meadow that he inherited from his long, long, long lost aunt, though he has since built himself a house. He sleeps alone, for though he has made many friends, many more than he could have imagined, he has decided that love was not for him, and that in and of itself makes him happy.</p>
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<p>Yared and Debarre and user11824 sleep, and one can hope that their dreams are boring.</p>
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<p>Ezekiel no longer lives on either launch, is no longer a part of the universe, but one might suppose that even prophets must sleep.</p>
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<p>Consent granted.</p>
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<p>user11824 laughed. “New place to be bored, is all.”</p>
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<p>“Congrats on finding the interesting stuff,” Dear’s partner said.</p>
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<p>There were a few minutes of silence as everyone worked, in their own ways, to digest the information that had been shared.</p>
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<p>Finally, Debarre spoke up. “I’m happy that I’m still in touch with Dear and a few other Odists all the same. Michelle is gone, but a lot of the good that was in her is still around. But man, I had no idea how thoroughly she was split, that those who are nice can be so nice, and those who aren’t can somehow completely lack all that made her good.”</p>
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<p>Finally, Debarre spoke up. “I’m happy that I’m still in touch with Dear and a few other Odists all the same. Michelle is gone, but a lot of the good that was in her is still around. Man, I had no idea how thoroughly she was split, though, that those who are nice can be so nice, and those who aren’t can somehow completely lack all that made her good.”</p>
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<p>Dear raised its glass to Debarre for a third toast of the evening. <em>“To her, to you, and to two hundred and thirty years of friendship.”</em></p>
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<p>“To lost friends,” Debarre added.</p>
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<p>They all watched as Dear and Debarre drank to each other and those who were gone.</p>
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<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Can you expand on what ‘longing’ and ‘being missed’ mean to you in this sense?</p>
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<p><strong>Dear:</strong> I can try. [pause] I think that they involve a combination of the feelings of grief, loss, and love. Let us use Ioan as an example, though I do not know if ey misses me–</p>
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<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> I think ey does. But sorry, continue.</p>
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<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Yes. Well. Let us use Ioan as an example. If ey were to only feel grief at my absence, ey would be limited to a solely negative emotion. Grief on its own is crushing. It is not wishing that one had more time with the object of one’s grief. Grief plus love is closer to longing, yes? Grief borne of love, no matter the shape or kind or color of that love. Then you dig into your memories, running them backwards and forwards in your mind, hunting for just a little bit more time with the one you are grieving. You wish only to feel that love again, and, to tie it all together, you cannot, because you have lost the one whom you love. Loss leads to grief, grief makes you remember love, love makes you realize your loss.</p>
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<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Yes. Well. Let us use Ioan as an example. If ey were to only feel grief at my absence, ey would be limited to a solely negative emotion. Grief on its own is crushing. It is not wishing that one had more time with the object of one’s grief; that is longing. Grief plus love is longing, yes? Grief borne of love, no matter the shape or kind or color of that love. Then you dig into your memories, running them backwards and forwards in your mind, hunting for just a little bit more time with the one you are grieving. You wish only to feel that love again, and, to tie it all together, you cannot, because you have lost the one whom you love. Loss leads to grief, grief makes you remember love, love makes you realize your loss.</p>
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<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Do you think being missed and longing are the same thing? Just to confirm, I mean.</p>
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<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Perhaps, or at least very closely related. What I described just now fits both emotions. Being missed perhaps implies more acceptance of that loss than longing does, while longing has connotations of sadness that there can never be more of that direct connection.</p>
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<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Thank you. I’d like to ask you a question now, but last time I asked it, I made you cry. May I ask it again, or would you prefer to steer clear of it?</p>
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<p><strong>Dear:</strong> If it is the question I am thinking of, I have nearly a year to think about it, and am much more comfortable with it now. Ask away.</p>
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<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Alright, just let me know if you want to stop. Do you worry that you won’t be missed?</p>
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<p><strong>Dear:</strong> I do, yes. I know that it is impossible to be so great on a system with tens of billions of individuals on it to be known by them all, as much as an artist may dream, but even among the small circles in which I was known, I worry that I will be forgotten. I worry that I won’t be missed, or that I will be forgotten.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> I do, yes. I know that it is impossible to be so great on a System with tens of billions of individuals on it to be known by them all, as much as an artist may dream, but even among the small circles in which I was known, I worry that I will be forgotten. I worry that I won’t be missed, or that I will be forgotten.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> You said, specifically, that–</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Wait, Codrin, let me say it. I do not want to hear it from you.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Okay.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Okay. I said that some aspects of myself may render me “the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none”. Before you ask whether I still feel that way, the answer is that I do. I do still worry that I might be beloved by all yet loved by none. My understanding of the phrase, however, has changed, and that change has softened the sentiment.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> To be beloved is, I think, to experience a type of parasocial relationship. If I am beloved by someone, they love the idea of me that they hold in their head. To be famous is to be beloved. To have someone come to your gallery exhibitions or your talks or your parties simply to say that they were near you, even if only to themselves, then that is to be beloved. This turns the phrase into a concern that I might find myself in more parasocial relationships than social relationships.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> It is a hard fear to shake, but once I put it in those terms, I was able to step past that emotional reasoning and check the facts. I do not think that I am loved by none. Both of my partners love me. May Then My Name loves me. Serene loves me. My friends love me. That does not stop the fear of being beloved by all yet loved by none from rearing its ugly head, but I am more easily able to acknowledge it and let it pass, now.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> It is a hard fear to shake, but once I put it in those terms, I was able to step past that emotional reasoning. I do not think that I am loved by none. Both of my partners love me. May Then My Name and Ioan love me. Serene loves me. My friends love me. That does not stop the fear of being beloved by all yet loved by none from rearing its ugly head, but I am more easily able to acknowledge it and let it pass, now.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Thank you. That helps put it into context for me, too. When you started talking about that last time, that’s when I started struggling with the interview, too.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Why? I mean, I know that this is your interview, but for my sake, I would like to know why.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> [pause] I think because something about the way you said it made me worry that you thought that I didn’t love you, or maybe that you didn’t love me, or–</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ Systime: 202+22 1208</p>
|
|||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> [long pause, calmer] I understand. I… [pause] Perhaps you feel some of the same worry that you might be loved by none. Perhaps it is a universal emotion.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> I think so, yeah. Having it said out loud kicked my anxiety up a notch, so I started to worry, “Wait, <em>am</em> I loved by none? Does Dear love me? Do both of my partners love me?” I know it’s not true, but that’s why I reacted in the way that I did.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> [smiling] Yes. I apologize for yelling.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> It’s okay, Dear, promise. Now, I want to hear your thoughts on death.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> It’s okay, Dear. Now, I want to hear your thoughts on death.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> [taken aback] You do?</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Codrin:</strong> Of course. I suspect they’re interesting.</p>
|
||||
<p><strong>Dear:</strong> Okay, but–</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ Systime: 202+22 1208</p>
|
|||
</blockquote>
|
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|
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@ -59,7 +59,8 @@
|
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<p>Ioan sat down next to him. “Are you worried about that? Would you like to go elsewhere?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“No, no. I like it here, I’m just overwhelmed. I’ve been…” He rubbed tears away with his sleeve. “I’ve just been thinking about this for so long…I don’t know.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“And do they smell like muffins?”</p>
|
||||
<p>Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then slowly lifted the yellow flower to his nose, struggling against the urge to keep that knowledge a dream rather than a reality. Then he breathed in the sweet, vegetal scent, and began to cry in earnest.</p>
|
||||
<p>Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then plucked a dandelion and slowly lifted the yellow flower to his nose, struggling against the urge to keep that knowledge a dream rather than a reality.</p>
|
||||
<p>Then he breathed in the sweet, vegetal scent, and began to cry in earnest.</p>
|
||||
<p>Ioan sat with him in kind quiet. As ey had so long ago, ey didn’t say anything, didn’t try to comfort him, didn’t touch him, just sat and remained present. It was as though he were there simply to witness those emotions and give testimony to them, and that, more than anything, made him feel welcome here. Welcome with Ioan, welcome in the field, welcome in the System.</p>
|
||||
<p>After the wave crested and then passed, he said, “Alright, so, what’s the plan?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“You just stay the night here. You can think up a mattress or anything else you need to be comfortable. We’ll be by tomorrow mid-morning for a picnic. I’m happy to stay, too, if you’d like, or give you space.”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -78,7 +79,7 @@
|
|||
<p>Boring, but meaningful. Boring but home.</p>
|
||||
<p>Eventually, he found the patch of tamped down grass where he’d slept the night before, sat down, and waited.</p>
|
||||
<p>Eleven o’clock arrived and then, a few minutes later, so did Ioan and one other.</p>
|
||||
<p>They were facing the other way, so he had a few moments to drink in the sight. Ioan was as he remembered, excepting a basket that was likely full of picnic goods, and May Then My Name, as he supposed, was wholly unlike anything he expected.</p>
|
||||
<p>They were facing the other way, so he had a few moments to drink in the sight. Ioan was as he remembered, excepting a basket that was likely full of picnic goods, and May Then My Name was wholly unlike anything he expected.</p>
|
||||
<p>She was a furry, he could tell that much. There were plenty on the ‘net; his erstwhile girlfriend with the cat av was one.</p>
|
||||
<p>He didn’t recognize her species at first. Black, rounded ears, a spray of longer white fur atop her head, simple tee-shirt and shorts, and a long tail with thick fur that looked luxuriously soft. <em>A skunk? Really?</em> he thought, and shook his head.</p>
|
||||
<p>The pair were still talking, hand in…well, paw, he supposed, so he stood up and cleared his throat.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -87,7 +88,7 @@
|
|||
<p>She straightened up and frowned, head tilted, then turned to Ioan, who looked to be holding back laughter, and punched em solidly in the shoulder. “You…you piece of shit! <em>You</em> organized this! I know you did! Mx. Ioan Bălan, I am absolutely putting sand in your shoes.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Then the skunk began running, and as she did, dozens of other versions of her flickered into and out of existence around her, a confusing rush of skunks that obscured which was the original, all grinning madly. She leapt at him and, before he could react, nearly tackled him to the ground, her arms tight around his middle. “If you are not Mister Douglas Hadje, master of spaceflight and doctor of something incredibly boring, I will be quite embarrassed. Please tell me you are.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I am, I am,” he said, laughing and returning the hug. She was short enough that the top of her head barely came up to his chin. Her fur was incredibly soft against his chin and neck, and he had to restrain himself from outright petting her. “It’s nice to meet you at last.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Douglas, holy shit. Holy shit! This is absolutely delightful,” she said, voice muffled against his shoulder and clouded by tears. Without letting go of the hug, she forked off a copy of herself to hurl at Ioan, who was laughing openly now. This time, she did manage to throw her target to the grass, and the two wrestled around for a moment, shoving at each other, before that instance of May Then My Name quit, leaving Ioan to pick emself up again, dusting grass off eir clothes.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Douglas, holy shit. Holy shit! This is absolutely delightful,” she said, voice muffled against his shoulder and obscured by tears. Without letting go of the hug, she forked off a copy of herself to hurl at Ioan, who was laughing openly now. This time, she did manage to throw her target to the grass, and the two wrestled around for a moment, shoving at each other, before that instance of May Then My Name quit, leaving Ioan to pick emself up again, dusting grass off eir clothes.</p>
|
||||
<p>Eventually, after she’d had her cry, she released her grip on him and stepped back, holding onto his upper arms and looking him up and down. She nodded approvingly. “Every inch a Hadje. Sort of. You are very tall, and you have lost the round face.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I have? I mean, I guess that makes sense. Michelle lived two centuries ago. I’ve seen a few pictures from the news archives, but they took a while to dig up, so I can only guess.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Like this?” Her expression grew wicked. She forked, and this fork was completely human. Shoulder-length curly black hair, round of face, short, the splitting image…</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -101,8 +102,8 @@
|
|||
<p>He gulped for air, shaking. “You lied to me, then? You…”</p>
|
||||
<p>“A small untruth,” she said, voice calm and soothing. “Michelle herself did quit some time ago, but I am of her clade.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Why didn’t you tell me?”</p>
|
||||
<p>May Then My Name’s countenance fell, easier to read on a human’s face than a skunk’s. “I did not want to because I was going to have fun with the reveal, but I see now that I hurt you instead, for which I am eternally sorry.” She sounded on the edge of crying again, and took a moment to calm herself before continuing. “You will learn about individuation before long. That I look like her and originated from her, I am no more closely related to her than you are. We are both distant cousins of Michelle Hadje. I am very sorry, my dear.”</p>
|
||||
<p>He nodded. All that she was saying was swirling around in his mind, wrapped up in the strange, fluent-yet-stilted language that he’d gotten used to over text but now had to get used to in person. He couldn’t tell if he was mad at her or happy that he knew or just confused.</p>
|
||||
<p>May Then My Name’s countenance fell, easier to read on a human’s face than a skunk’s. “I did not want to because I was going to have fun with the reveal, but I see now that I hurt you instead, for which I am eternally sorry.” She sounded on the edge of crying again, and took a moment to calm herself before continuing. “You will learn about individuation before long. That I look like her and originated from her, I am no more closely related to her than you are. We are both distant cousins of Michelle Hadje, but all the same, I will tell you all about her, about us. I am very sorry, my dear.”</p>
|
||||
<p>He nodded. All that she was saying was swirling around in his mind, wrapped up in the strange, fluent-yet-stilted language that he’d gotten used to over text but now had to get used to in person. He couldn’t tell if he was mad at her or happy that he knew or just confused, but so earnest was May then My Name’s expression that the heat of anger quickly cooled.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Uh, I’m not feeling…can we talk about something else?” he asked. “And can you go back to looking like someone else? I’m sorry…”</p>
|
||||
<p>May Then My Name — the one that looked like Michelle — nodded meekly and quit, leaving the still sniffling skunk to help Douglas up, pulling him over to the picnic blanket with her so that she could sit next to him. She tasked the still-grinning historian with setting up the food while they talked.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Douglas, my dear, what are you most excited about, now that you have uploaded?” she asked earnestly, paw resting on his knee.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -121,14 +122,14 @@
|
|||
<p>He shrugged. “Not really. It’s like you say, there’s no changing the past.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“May’s interviewing you for me,” Ioan said, chuckling. “Those are all my usual questions. She’s getting the hang of it, but needs to work on drawing more out of you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>May Then My Name rolled her eyes, saying to Douglas, “Do not listen to em. Ey is just gloating over the stunt that ey pulled.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Douglas nodded, grinning. “<em>We</em> pulled, you mean.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Douglas grinned. “<em>We</em> pulled, you mean.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Wait, both of you?” She shoved at him until he fell over onto his side, laughing. “Beaten at my own game, is that what you think? You think you can out-manipulate an Odist? Out-Hadje a Hadje?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I think we can out-manipulate <em>you</em>, dear.” Ioan popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, then poured a glass for each of them. “You’re easy. All we have to do is play to your hopeless romanticism.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Yes, well, fuck you too. Give me my champagne.”</p>
|
||||
<p>The rest of the day from there on was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the happiest that Douglas had ever had. He learned of the Ode and of the Name. He learned of Codrin and Dear. He learned of all of the vast vagaries of the System, of the new arts and the subtle sciences that could exist only outside of the physical world. He learned, watching the way Ioan and May Then My Name looked at each other, spoke to each other, touched each other, what happiness even was, and that he was a part of it lent more of a sense of completion than any celebration could.</p>
|
||||
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|
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-17</p>
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|
|||
<p>Ioan blinked and sat up straighter. “I don’t remember hearing anything about that.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“We clamped down on the knowledge as best we could as soon as we realized we wouldn’t be able to rule it out.” Jonas waved his hand. “Not important, though, because the last part of that package is a complete description of a human neural system and a basic description of our physiology. A complete map of our DNA, should they even want to build a human entire.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Whose DNA?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Why, our very own Douglas Hadje! Who else? Blame True Name for that one.” He laughed bitterly. “But that’s all that they could ever want to build a Douglas Hadje in simulation and send it through the Ansible to the attached System. It’d wind up in dead zone, a locked-down sim, we made sure of that, but it’d be able to communicate, and enough people on that System know enough about the System that it might figure out how to break free of that restriction.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Why, our very own Douglas Hadje! Who else? Blame True Name for that one.” He laughed bitterly. “But that’s all that they could ever want to build a Douglas Hadje in simulation and send it through the Ansible to the attached System. It’d wind up in a dead zone, a locked-down sim, we made sure of that, but it’d be able to communicate, and enough people on that System know enough about the System that it might figure out how to break free of that restriction.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“That sounds rather exciting though,” Ioan said. “Why were you so against it?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“How much have we talked about risk tonight, Ioan?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“You’re saying that it presents too great a risk to the continuity of the LV System?”</p>
|
||||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
@ -38,21 +38,21 @@
|
|||
<p>The skunk puffed out a pent-up breath, laughing and fanning her face with a paw. “That was way fucking harder than I remember it being. I have not tried that trick in decades.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ioan blinked, frowned. “You differ because of when it was that Michelle forked?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“That is part of it,” True Name said, catching her breath. “I read your notes, do you remember what it was that Douglas said about having a fever?”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey prowled through the exo ey had devoted to this project, rifling through files of memories, then murmured quietly, “I had a very high fever, and when it was at its worst, I felt as though I was being offered a chance to peek behind a curtain, or at least see the shadows moving around backstage beneath the hem of it.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Do you imagine that what Michelle was feeling at any time, or at least on any particularly bad day, was any different?” Her expression darkened almost imperceptibly. “When you are lost, when you are locked in your mirrored cage, any cord that tied a thought to reality or your concept of self is slowly severed. Michelle was lucky. She was in there for sixteen hours, she was told, and she still came out like this. Many of her thoughts remained tethered, enough for her to continue to live and exist in the world for a little while, but the longer she lived, the more of those frayed cords began to break, and she was not just, as Douglas put it, “granted a glimpse of some thinner reality”, but she found herself stuck there.</p>
|
||||
<p>“When she forked, wherever she was, that was what we became. The state of her mind in flux, her body in flux, became the state that led to us. Perhaps I was pinned to a memory, however fleeting, of the political systems that led to her getting lost. Perhaps Praiseworthy was pinned to memories of theatre.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey prowled through the exo ey had devoted to this project, rifling through files of memories, then recited, “I had a very high fever, and when it was at its worst, I felt as though I was being offered a chance to peek behind a curtain, or at least see the shadows moving around backstage beneath the hem of it.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Do you imagine that what Michelle was feeling at any time, or at least on any particularly bad day, was any different?” Her expression darkened. “When you are lost, when you are locked in your mirrored cage, any cord that tied a thought to reality or your concept of self is slowly severed. Michelle was lucky. She was in there for sixteen hours, she was told, and she still came out like this. Many of her thoughts remained tethered, enough for her to continue to live and exist in the world for a little while, but the longer she lived, the more of those frayed cords began to break, and she was not just, as Douglas put it, “granted a glimpse of some thinner reality”, but she found herself stuck there.</p>
|
||||
<p>“When she forked, wherever she was, that was what we became. The state of her mind in flux, her body in flux, became the state that led to us. Perhaps I was pinned to a memory, however fleeting, of the political systems that led to her getting lost. Perhaps Praiseworthy was pinned to memories of playing a role in a play.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ioan scribbled furiously to keep up, as the skunk’s language flowed more easily and became more flowery.</p>
|
||||
<p>“But this is just speculation, Mx. Bălan. We do not know why we differ so much, but we do, and that is the best guess we have. The evidence you have just seen is all we have to back it up, but you have seen what was borne from it. All of the stanzas have their role, and mine just happens to be that of politics. We influence people. It is just what we do.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Which is why your stanza was able to dive so easily into their associated tasks. They had your memories, of course, but they also had that same drive.”</p>
|
||||
<p>She beamed at em. “Precisely. I will not enumerate them all, but you can, if you like, think of them as a microcosm of that conservative-liberal spectrum, with me at the conservative end, working on the scale of centuries and populations, and your May Then My Name at the other, liberal end.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“What did May do? What was her task?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“That is for her to tell.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“No, True Name. You’re here, it’s your story. You promised me that you’d expand on the question of who, and I want you to live up to that promise now.” Ey was surprised at the anger in eir own voice. There was a tightness in eir chest, an anxiety stemming from the answer that hovered over the table, there in eir house. Eir and May’s house, now. May, who had left on some drummed up errand as soon as True Name had arrived, a look of what ey could only describe as torment on her face. Ey <em>knew</em> ey should ask her, rather than True Name, and yet… “What did May do?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“No, True Name. You’re here, it’s your story. You promised me that you’d expand on the question of who, and I want you to live up to that promise now.” Ey was surprised at the anger in eir own voice. There was a tightness in eir chest, an anxiety, an emotion somewhere between protectiveness and betrayal, stemming from the answer that hovered over the table, there in eir house. Eir and May’s house, now. May, who had left on some drummed up errand as soon as True Name had arrived, a look of what ey could only describe as torment on her face. Ey <em>knew</em> ey should ask her, rather than True Name, and yet… “What did May do?”</p>
|
||||
<p>She stood from her chair and walked around the corner of the table to where ey remained stubbornly seated. “If you do not wish to be unhappy with the answers to difficult questions, Ioan,” she said, tousling eir hair. “Then you do not need to ask them.”</p>
|
||||
<p>She smiled down to em, and in that smile was a plastic kindness, and in that kindness was a loathing ey could not fathom, and then she quit.</p>
|
||||
</article>
|
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|
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|
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|
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<article class="content">
|
||||
<h1 id="ioan-balan-2326">Ioan Bălan — 2326</h1>
|
||||
<p>Ioan was still sitting at the table, ruminating, when May returned from her errand. Something that she saw in eir face made her frown, and when she walked, she almost slunk, skirting the edge of the room, walking silently as though to keep from waking em up, or as though she was bearing some unknowable guilt. When she sat on the stool that True Name had been using, she looked small, closed in on herself. Not just smaller than True Name, though she was also that, but diminished from her usual self.</p>
|
||||
<p>Ioan was still sitting at the table, ruminating, when May returned from her errand. Something that she saw in eir face made her wilt, and when she walked, she almost slunk, skirting the edge of the room, walking silently as though to keep from waking em up, or as though she was bearing some unknowable guilt. When she sat on the stool that True Name had been using, she looked small, closed in on herself. Not just smaller than True Name, though she was also that, but diminished from her usual self.</p>
|
||||
<p>She did not speak.</p>
|
||||
<p>Finally, Ioan capped eir pen, set it atop eir notes, and pushed them off to the side of the table. Ey folded eir arms on the tabletop and rested eir forehead on them. “I’m tired, May.”</p>
|
||||
<p>The skunk still did not speak. Did not even move, to the point where Ioan questioned whether she might be holding her breath.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -24,7 +24,7 @@
|
|||
<p>“May, I just need to know.”</p>
|
||||
<p>She stayed silent, and after a minuted, ey sighed.</p>
|
||||
<p>“We talked about this early on, about how you said that I’d get upset, and that you were worried that I’d get upset at you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>She nodded, stayed silent.</p>
|
||||
<p>She nodded, silent still.</p>
|
||||
<p>“And I am. I’m upset and tired and…I don’t know. Sad? Numb? Something like that. I can’t promise that I won’t be upset at you, and I really don’t want this to go into either of our projects, but please, May, I need to know.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“For the sake of completion?”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey nodded. “For that, sure, but also for the sake of me, or us.”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -38,10 +38,10 @@
|
|||
<p>“If I Am To Bathe In Dreams acted as the grounding element for much of the clade. She became something of a therapist. I have leaned on her often.</p>
|
||||
<p>“May One Day Death Itself Not Die forked off all ten instances as soon as she could and then refused to fork again. I think she was left with much of that disconnect from reality that Michelle felt.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Why are you telling me this, May?” ey asked.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Because I need you to understand that the first lines each wound up with a bit of Michelle, and from there, their forks were all riffs on that theme. You have doubtless figured that out by now. I told you early on that True Name forked me off to feel, but she did so in the most True Name way possible. She wanted to ensure that she also had a way to sway individuals, sys-side, as others focused on large groups.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Because I need you to understand that the first lines each wound up with a bit of Michelle, and from there, their forks were all riffs on that theme. You have doubtless figured that out by now. I told you early on that True Name forked me off to feel. She wanted to ensure that she also had a way to sway individuals, sys-side, as others focused on large groups.</p>
|
||||
<p>“So she forked to create me, and then we discussed how best to accomplish that, and through the various mutation algos, I softened my appearance to be cuter and rounder, softened my voice, learned how to smile more earnestly, and did all the things I could think of to make myself as appealing as possible, whether as human or skunk.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey frowned. “That doesn’t sound like feeling.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“That is because True Name did this on a whim, and I do not think she expected me to be anything but as manipulative as her. She wanted another True Name for a different purpose. In order to influence someone on a truly individual level, though, you must be able to understand them, and I began to work towards that. I did not tell her at first. I changed myself physically, and then as I went out into the System to learn how to manipulate individuals, I kept on forking and changing whenever I found myself coming to a new conclusion. In short, I guess I grew a sense of empathy.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“That is because True Name did this on a whim, in the most True Name way possible, and I do not think she expected me to be anything but as manipulative as her. She wanted another True Name for a different purpose. In order to influence someone on a truly individual level, though, you must be able to understand them, and I began to work towards that. I did not tell her at first. I changed myself physically, and then as I went out into the System to learn how to manipulate individuals, I kept on forking and changing whenever I found myself coming to a new conclusion. In short, I guess I grew a sense of empathy.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Why didn’t you tell her?”</p>
|
||||
<p>May smiled cautiously. “Did she seem like the kind of person who puts stock in feelings?”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey shook eir head.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -55,7 +55,7 @@
|
|||
<p>“But you still manipulated those around you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I…yes,” she said. Her ears were all but laid back flat against her skull.</p>
|
||||
<p>“For how long?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I am technically still supposed to be doing that, but–” She quickly held up a paw. “–I only lasted about about a decade as a tool for manipulation before I began to feel too much. I became too hard for her to control directly. She could not ask me, ‘Go influence that man’ or whatever. The only way she knew to control me was to point me toward who she wanted influenced, set me loose, and hope that I did the right thing on accident, because all I would do is become best friends or lovers or trusted confidants. I could not in good conscience take an idea from True Name and make the person do what she wanted, because I actually had a conscience. It was almost a trauma response, in the end. I fawned because that was how I felt safest.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I am technically still supposed to be doing that, but–” She quickly held up a paw. “–I only lasted about about a decade as a tool for manipulation before I began to feel too much. I became too hard for her to control directly. She could not tell me, “Go influence that man” or whatever. The only way she knew to control me was to point me toward who she wanted influenced, set me loose, and hope that I did the right thing on accident, because all I would do is become best friends or lovers or trusted confidants. I could not in good conscience take an idea from True Name and make the person do what she wanted, because I actually had a conscience. It was almost a trauma response, in the end. I fawned because that was how I felt safest.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ioan felt the tension in eir shoulders, neck, and back. Felt the way ey was holding emself tightly wound. “And me? Did she point you towards me?”</p>
|
||||
<p>The skunk shrank further. She looked as though if she could curl into a ball, shrink to nothing, and disappear, she would. She looked miserable.</p>
|
||||
<p>“May?”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -69,16 +69,18 @@
|
|||
<p>Ioan let out a breath, realizing partway through that it was coming out as a laugh. “That’s really fucked up, May.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Ioan, let me tell you a story.” She was crying silently now, looking down at her paws. “In the beginning, the gods created the world. They built it up, atom by atom, molecule by molecule. They used eyes like lasers to guide one after another into ordered formations, ranks upon ranks, and then set them to marching. The gods built the world and then they smiled at it from up above. They looked down on their creation and saw all of the possibilities of perfection that it held, of the unending life and endless bliss.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Her words were unsteady, clouded by tears, but she continued, “The gods built the world because they desired to shape it to their will. They wanted to bend the world into something that they could direct this way and that, because after all, could they not do that with their atoms and molecules? A world that is orderly! Imagine the wonders they could create! The wills they could work!</p>
|
||||
<p>“So the gods set the world to spinning and watched and waited as it began to blossom and bloom. When the time was ripe, they reached down their hands to touch the world, and instead found that they had become the wind and the tides and the rain and the snow and the sunlight and the moonlight. They reached down to touch the world and shape it to their will, and found that they become impersonal forces in the face of absolute independence. The world they created could not be controlled, because there is no such thing as a world that can be controlled. They reached down, became impersonal forces, and the lives within the world bundled their coats up tighter at the north wind or took their hats off when the sun shone bright, but never could the change a single mind.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“So the gods set the world to spinning and watched and waited as it began to blossom and bloom. When the time was ripe, they reached down their hands to touch the world, and instead found that they had become the wind and the tides and the rain and the snow and the sunlight and the moonlight. They reached down to touch the world and shape it to their will, and found that they become impersonal forces in the face of absolute independence. The world they created could not be controlled, because there is no such thing as a world that can be controlled. They reached down, became impersonal forces, and the lives within the world bundled their coats up tighter at the north wind or took their hats off when the sun shone bright, but never could they change a single mind.”</p>
|
||||
<p>A long silence followed May’s myth, broken only by the soft sounds of her crying.</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey thought about these gods, these impersonal forces trying to work their wills on the world. Were they True Name and Jonas? Were they the System engineers? Were they those cynical politicians who had created the lost, had created Michelle and True Name and May and Dear in the first place?</p>
|
||||
<p>Did it even matter?</p>
|
||||
<p>This is who they were. This is where they wound up. Impersonal forces do not negate personal decisions.</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey sighed.</p>
|
||||
<p>“I believe you,” ey said, reaching a hand out across the table, palm up.</p>
|
||||
<p>“You believe me what?” she mumbled, still sniffling.</p>
|
||||
<p>“I believe that you grew a sense of empathy and a conscience. I believe you couldn’t manipulate the wings off a fly unless you thought it would live a happier, more fulfilling life without them.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I believe that you grew a sense of empathy and a conscience. I believe you couldn’t manipulate a hair off my head unless you thought I would live a happier, more fulfilling life without it.”</p>
|
||||
<p>The skunk laughed through the tears, a choked and stifled sound. She finally reached out and set one of her paws in Ioan’s hand. “Even then, I would feel bad.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I believe that, too,” ey said, brushing a thumb over her fingers. “I believe that you’re genuine, is what I’m trying to say. You just happened to have the craziest fucking in-laws I’ve ever met.”</p>
|
||||
<p>At this, May laughed in earnest, rolling her eyes and taking a deep breath to calm down. “Yes, you are right. I am sorry that they are upsetting people, and that I am a part of that, that I did what I do and you were their goal. The last thing that I want to do is hurt you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>At this, May laughed in earnest, rolling her eyes and taking a deep breath to calm down. “Yes, you are right. I am sorry that they are upsetting people, and that I am a part of that, that I did what I do and that you were their goal. The last thing that I want to do is hurt you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ioan nodded. “I believe you. It’s fucked up, but that’s on them.”</p>
|
||||
<p>They sat for a while longer, hand in paw across the table, while she calmed down and ey thought. Ey was already pulling together the threads of the story that would become eir history, bit by bit, letter by letter, interview by interview, conversation by conversation.</p>
|
||||
<p>“May?” ey asked, struck by a memory.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -94,7 +96,7 @@
|
|||
<p>“I…yes?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Is <em>that</em> a question?”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey shook eir head. “I guess not.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I told Douglas that I would wait for you to bring up the topic, and that when you did, I would make fun of you for a solid hour,” she said, grinning. “But you look like your head is about to explode, so I will save that for another time. You get stuck up in there so easily, my dear.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I told Douglas that I would wait for you to bring up the topic, and that when you did, I would make fun of you for a solid hour,” she said, grinning. “But you look like your head is about to explode, so I will save that for another day. You get stuck up in there so easily, my dear.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Really? Douglas is the one that got me thinking about asking in the first place.”</p>
|
||||
<p>The skunk stood up from her stool, drawing Ioan out of eir seat by the hand she still held. “Because of course he did. Leave it to a Hadje to play two sides off each other.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey laughed, drew her into a hug, and kissed the top of her snout.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -106,19 +108,19 @@
|
|||
<p>“What, you finally figuring out that we have been in a relationship for like two years?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Kind of.”</p>
|
||||
<p>May elbowed em in the side. “You are kidding, right?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“No, seriously,” ey said, rubbing at eir side. “Codrin forked to work on the Qoheleth project, <em>then</em> got in a relationship with Dear.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Ow! No, seriously,” ey said, rubbing at eir side. “Codrin forked to work on the Qoheleth project, <em>then</em> got in a relationship with Dear.”</p>
|
||||
<p>A spark of comprehension lit up May’s eyes and she grinned wide. “But you did not.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“No.” Ey shrugged. “I was the Bălan who didn’t wind up in a relationship with Dear, because that was my up-tree instance’s experience. I can’t go back and fork before we met or started working together or dating.”</p>
|
||||
<p>She laughed and shook her head, draping herself across eir lap, resting her head on folded arms. “You are stuck with me, Mx. Bălan. Pet my tail, please.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey did as ordered, brushing fingers through thick fur as ey thought. The fox had been right, ey supposed. There was at least some beauty in the irreversible.</p>
|
||||
<p>One more one-way act floated to the surface in eir mind. “Does Michelle’s sim still exist, by the way? I’ve heard so much about it by now.”</p>
|
||||
<p>May frowned. “Yes. Why?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Well, we’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of Launch, right? Maybe we can do a picnic there, think about where this all started, and get blitzed on champagne. Bit of a memorial, you know?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Well, we’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of Launch, right? Maybe we can do a picnic there, think about where this all started, get blitzed on champagne. Bit of a memorial, you know?”</p>
|
||||
<p>She laughed. “You know, why the fuck not. It has been years since I have visited. We can make muffins and compare the smell with the dandelions.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey grinned, nodded, and made a mental note to ensure that Douglas remembered the suggestion ey’d given those months back, that he’d be ready to upload in time.</p>
|
||||
<p>Ey grinned, nodded, and made a mental note to ensure that Douglas remembered the suggestion ey’d given almost a year back, that he’d be ready to upload in time.</p>
|
||||
</article>
|
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|
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-17</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-22</p>
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|
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|
|||
<p>Perhaps the party slipped so easily from his mind due to the sheer mundanity of it, but more likely, it was the following conversation that overshadowed it in importance.</p>
|
||||
<p>In the car, as he was being returned to his house, Demma broke the tired silence with, “Yared, thank you again for your assistance in this project. I have a few requests to make of you before we part ways.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Yared nodded hesitantly. “Of course, councilor.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“First of all, I hope you understand that your continued discretion is of the utmost importance. It is key to our trust and to your own safety and security.” There was a meaningful pause before Demma smiled. “From potential bad actors, I mean.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“First of all, I hope you understand that your continued discretion is of the utmost importance. It is key to our trust and to your own safety and security.” There was a meaningful pause before Demma smiled. “From potential bad actors, of course.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Yes, of course,” he said, starting to rub his palms against his knees before he remembered that he was still wearing the long garment he had been loaned.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Thank you. Secondly, please do not contact me or any of the interested parties you met at tonight’s soiree. This, I think, shall be easy, as many of them are quite difficult to reach, and the contact information we provided you with to stay in touch is now no longer active.”</p>
|
||||
<p>He nodded again, silent.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -68,11 +68,9 @@
|
|||
<p>“You, too, are a dreamer, Yared. One who is easy enough to control, but a dreamer nonetheless.” Demma said, his smile kind and completely, totally discomfiting for it. “If you wish to continue dreaming, then, well, I suppose I have already made my point about the System, yes?”</p>
|
||||
<p>The rest of the car ride proceeded in silence. The only other words that were spoken to him were by the driver as he helped Yared out of the loaned thawb.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Mr Zerezghi, it was a pleasure sharing coffee with you,” he said, and then they were gone, black car disappearing into gold-lit night.</p>
|
||||
<p>Yared walked numbly up to his apartment once more and sat down on his mattress, unable to even permit the thought of delving in into his mind.</p>
|
||||
<p><em>Well,</em> he thought. <em>If there’s one place for dreamers to go, at least I have an open invitation to the System.</em></p>
|
||||
</article>
|
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|
|||
<h1 id="michelle-hadjesasha-2151">Michelle Hadje/Sasha — 2151</h1>
|
||||
<p>In the endless, rolling, field of dandelions, five people gathered.</p>
|
||||
<p>Two of them were shaped like a woman. Short. Dark, curly hair. Round of cheek and soft of eye.</p>
|
||||
<p>Two of them were shaped like skunks. Thick, soft fur. Tails longer than torsos, where the fur grew to more than a hand-span’s length.</p>
|
||||
<p>Two of them were shaped like skunks. Thick, soft fur. Tails as long as their bodies, as wide as their torsos.</p>
|
||||
<p>The two types were alike in so many ways. The softness evident between the two disparate species was the same softness. The roundness to the cheeks, despite the fur, was the same roundness. The eyes bore the same expressive empathy.</p>
|
||||
<p>And before them sat one who was not like any of the others, and yet was exactly like all of them. When she focused, she was able to look like skunk or like human, and her eyes were able to share in some of that softness, but when she lost focus, waves of both crashed against her in a violent tempest, splashing fur up over cheeks, or skin down over paws.</p>
|
||||
<p>“I am sorry,” she said through a dry throat, then laughed. “I am having a bad day.”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -36,12 +36,12 @@
|
|||
<p>In Dreams pulled up a whole handful of grass and flowers and threw it at her, grinning. “Do not mope. It does not become you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Sasha/Michelle laughed, shrugged, and tried to tuck one of the flowers behind her ear, but as soon as a shift of form rolled across her face, it fell to the ground.</p>
|
||||
<p>She wished that she could be just one thing for a little while, but seeing the outcome of a scattered mind creating copy after copy of herself, she knew that there was no solution that did not run the risk of becoming what she did not want to be.</p>
|
||||
<p>She wished that she could be just one thing so that she could be touched. The shifting form made any touch unnerving and made her feel disgusting. She wished that for herself, and for May Then My Name, who looked as though she was using every ounce of willpower she had to keep from going in for a hug.</p>
|
||||
<p>She wished that she could be just one thing so that she could be touched. The shifting form made any touch unnerving, made her feel disgusting. She wished that for herself, and for May Then My Name, who looked as though she was using every ounce of willpower she had to keep from going in for a hug.</p>
|
||||
<p><em>Being like her would not be so bad,</em> Michelle/Sasha thought. <em>But even then, that is not all of me.</em></p>
|
||||
<p>They sat in silence for a while, then, this five-pack of her, and, regardless of what they thought about, she thought about empathy and mirrors of hammered silver and the end of memories, there, beneath the roots.</p>
|
||||
<p><em>I think I died, back then,</em> Sasha thought/”I think I died back then,” Michelle said.</p>
|
||||
<p>To Pray frowned. “What do you mean?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I think I just gave everything I had to them. To you, I guess. ‘Two weeks,’ I remember thinking. ‘The first lines can take my place for two weeks, and then I will be back on the council, and they can do their own thing.’ But I think that I died. There was no returning to the council, because there was no more Sasha or Michelle.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I think I just gave everything I had to them. To you, I guess. “Two weeks,” I remember thinking. “The first lines can take my place for two weeks, and then I will be back on the council, and they can do their own thing.” But I think that I died. There was no returning to the council, because there was no more Sasha or Michelle.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“And what is the fallout of being a dead woman walking?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I do not know. I think that it means that I have stopped. I do not know if there is a path forward for me that involves me being anything other than what I am now. I died because with that act I cannot move on from where I am.”</p>
|
||||
<p>Hammered Silver averted her eyes. “I am not comfortable with that language.”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -61,10 +61,10 @@
|
|||
<p>“Snorting pollen off the back of your hand in the back parking lot,” To Pray said, picking up on the mood. “I am honestly ashamed of you.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“My name is May Then My Name Die With me,” the skunk said, clambering to her feet. “And I am a dandelion-aholic.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Hi, May Then My Name,” the others sing-songed.</p>
|
||||
<p>And then she was Michelle. At least for a little while, she was just Michelle, and May Then My Name could brush her hair and they could talk about something — anything — else, and she could allow the thought that perhaps even the dead can be happy.</p>
|
||||
<p>And then she was Michelle. At least for a little while, she was just Michelle, and May Then My Name could brush her hair and they could talk about something else, and she could allow the thought that perhaps even the dead can be happy.</p>
|
||||
</article>
|
||||
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|
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|
@ -97,7 +97,7 @@
|
|||
<p>“Of course. Ar, Ku, and Re, as I mentioned, and now Ir, who forked from Ar and looks nothing like me, so he’s got more latitude.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“And the other two?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Why would I tell you everything?” He laughed. “They’re my instances, doing the things that I do, which should be enough.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“As the must. You have already told me more than you probably should have.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“As they must. You have already told me more than you probably should have.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I trust you’ll keep quiet about it.”</p>
|
||||
<p>True Name grinned, putting her finger to her snout in the universal hush sign. “It is a neat enough trick. I think that the Ode clade already differs too much to send one of them in my place, so perhaps not for me.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“It’s up to you, yeah.” Jonas sat back against the couch, one arm draped casually along the back. “I honestly was surprised when no one noticed my reputation drop, but then I figured out that most people just look at the clade’s reputation, rather than the instances. I have a feeling that’ll change eventually, but for now, no one seems to pay all that much attention.”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -109,7 +109,7 @@
|
|||
<p>He laughed and waved her away.</p>
|
||||
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|
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|
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|
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|
|||
<p>“That is not to say that I will not start right away, of course,” he said, laughing.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Oh, I do not doubt you will.” She grinned. “What were your thoughts, though? You mentioned having some changes that you would like addressed as well.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Yes. I would like to eventually downplay the role of the Council of Eight in history to the point where those sys-side simply think of those who helped out in the early days as founders, dreamers, and idealists.”</p>
|
||||
<p>True Name stopped in the aisle, letting Life Breeds Life step ahead and turn to face her. “You would like individuals to forget that there was a council?”</p>
|
||||
<p>True Name stopped in the aisle, letting Life Breeds Life step ahead and turn to face her. “You would like the System to forget that there was a council?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“It is a way to build a mythos and identity, yes. It allows us to use the words ‘freedom’ and ‘secession’ and so on in a collective sense, as though these were the decisions of all, rather than a few. It will instill a sense of patriotism, if one could call it such a thing, for being sys-side, which will in turn reduce the connections that many feel to phys-side.” He smiled, tugging a book from the shelf at random and flipping through the pages. “This will not happen for this generation. Nor, likely, the next. The goal for future generations, though is to ensure that they feel that the System is a place to live rather than a place where they wound up, or a place that they uploaded to simply because it was convenient or necessary, or even a place that they uploaded to simply for the way life works here, whether it be immortality or the sheer hedonistic joy of it.”</p>
|
||||
<p>The skunk watched the pages flip beneath Life Breeds Life’s fingers and thought. To downplay the council would be to minimize the work of years, of almost a decade. The other members might rankle, but she was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable an idea it was. It would gain her and Jonas much needed room to maneuver.</p>
|
||||
<p>Eventually she nodded, saying, “That makes sense, yes. If the concept of the Council disappears into foggy memories and untrustworthy histories, then any attempts to lead again will seem out of place, too. It will give Jonas and I more latitude to continue working long term.”</p>
|
||||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
@ -27,7 +27,7 @@
|
|||
<p>Would they build differently? Perhaps they would stop bringing along with them the structures of their pasts. Perhaps there would be fewer office buildings and more cabins in the woods. More idyllic houses. More mountain landscapes and main streets of cute towns with hole-in-the-wall restaurants that no one knew about and yet which served the best curry, the best hot dog, the best cupcakes that one could possibly imagine.</p>
|
||||
<p>Would they live differently, love differently? Perhaps they would still pair up as always they had. Maybe, when they picked up feelings for someone, they would fork to have a separate relationship with them as well. Maybe collectives of families would live together as they always had, finding comfort as much in each other as in their chosen relatives. Maybe a taboo would grow around having a relationship with oneself, of forked instances living together and loving each other. Would that be narcissism forever, or only before individuation? Would it be incest?</p>
|
||||
<p>Would they chose life? Choose death? Would they pray?</p>
|
||||
<p>She knew that it would happen, of course. Secession. She shared none of Yared’s dread, of his pessimism. This was fine. She was the politician, he was the puppet. He would handle the pessimism, her the optimism.</p>
|
||||
<p>She knew that it would happen, of course. Secession. She shared none of Yared’s dread, his pessimism. This was fine. She was the politician, he was the puppet. She saw the big picture laid out before her in her sign, her sigil. He would handle the pessimism, her the optimism.</p>
|
||||
<p>No, not optimism; surety.</p>
|
||||
<p>The bill would pass, the System would secede, the station launch would go off without a hitch. The bill could not but pass, the System was bound to secede, and the station launch was as safe as could be.</p>
|
||||
<p>Yared would upload, or he would not.</p>
|
||||
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|
@ -41,7 +41,7 @@
|
|||
<p>“I suppose that makes me Do I Know God After The End Waking.”</p>
|
||||
<p>She nodded.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Someone had to wind up with the name with a typo in it, alas.” The other skunk smirked.</p>
|
||||
<p>“Everyone gets something, yes,” True Name said, plucking the dandelion from behind End Waking’s ear and leaning forward to add it to the one already behind hers. Two suns amidst black fur. “Let us start with some differences. I do not want you looking too much like me, so that we can work separately.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Everyone gets something, yes,” True Name said, plucking the duplicated dandelion from behind End Waking’s ear and adding it to the one already behind hers. Two suns amidst black fur. “Let us start with some differences. I do not want you looking too much like me, so that we can work separately.”</p>
|
||||
<p>End Waking nodded, thought for a moment, and then forked several times in quick succession to lead to greater and greater differences, until a new Odist stood before her, new in all ways. Masculine, kind-faced, dressed in a business-casual outfit that retained both the competency and friendliness that Praiseworthy had helped her attain.</p>
|
||||
<p>“If you think this is acceptable, we can start strategizing.”</p>
|
||||
<p>True Name nodded, and the two skunks walked to her office.</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -54,7 +54,7 @@
|
|||
<p>He tilted his head. “How come?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I always find it surprising,” True Name sighed. “Just how quickly one can deviate from one’s down-tree instance after all that forking.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Of course. You have been thinking your thoughts while I have my own.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Yes. Well, we are quickly reaching the point where our efforts both sys- and phys-side happening all at once are reaching levels that might be considered uncomfortable in retrospect. Life Breeds Life is working on this already. If we can minimize our visible impact, then we should do so. Same date for the Council, same date for Jonas, same date for other Odists.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Yes. Well, we are quickly getting to the point where our efforts both sys- and phys-side happening all at once are reaching levels that might be considered uncomfortable in retrospect. Life Breeds Life is working on this already. If we can minimize our visible impact, then we should do so. Same date for the Council, same date for Jonas, same date for other Odists.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Mm, probably a good idea. I forked in 2143, then.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“2143. Got it.” True Name smiled. “Thank you for this. I think it will work out quite well for us in the end.”</p>
|
||||
</article>
|
||||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
@ -72,7 +72,7 @@
|
|||
<p>“Fine.” He laughed, rolling his eyes. “So, are you at least happy with the way things are going?”</p>
|
||||
<p>“I am pleased, yes. It is a good first step. There is almost no chance of the decision being reversed down the line, and if we make it another fifty years, the concept of the System or any individuals living here remaining under the wing of any national entity will have left the collective subconscious. It will also work to our advantage that there is no un-uploading. An irreversible process that lands one in a place that appears to have no influence on the outside world will nullify the arguments of many of our detractors.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Just ensure they upload, right.”</p>
|
||||
<p>True Name nodded. “Yep. And once the Council is out of the way, we should be good to go.”</p>
|
||||
<p>True Name nodded. “Yes. And once the Council is out of the way, we should be good to go.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“And how do you propose to do that?” he asked.</p>
|
||||
<p>“It will be easy enough. Just take on more and more responsibility under the guise of helping out, start accepting less and less assistance, then begin suggesting that, since it is all going so smoothly, maybe it is not needed anymore. If we work with phys-side techs in order to drop the reputation cost of forking and sim creation, that will also help.”</p>
|
||||
<p>“Think any of them will complain?”</p>
|
||||
|
|
@ -81,7 +81,7 @@
|
|||
<p>The skunk nodded. “There is much to be done.”</p>
|
||||
</article>
|
||||
<footer>
|
||||
<p>Page generated on 2021-10-17</p>
|
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-22</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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