From 5d6b89ccc32569f5a16dce97627364555675a716 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Thu, 26 Aug 2021 17:10:09 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- .../launch/launch/Codrin-blue/001.html | 22 ++++++++++++++++++- 1 file changed, 21 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/writing/post-self/toledot/launch/launch/Codrin-blue/001.html b/writing/post-self/toledot/launch/launch/Codrin-blue/001.html index 2d5da0cbf..c7ec327c6 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/toledot/launch/launch/Codrin-blue/001.html +++ b/writing/post-self/toledot/launch/launch/Codrin-blue/001.html @@ -54,7 +54,27 @@ Systime (relative to Green LV): 200+22 1014

Codrin: Certainly. I can honor that. Would you like me to get confirmation from Ioan?

Dear: [laughter] You are not so different from em yet. I trust that if you agree that ey will as well. Though Ioan, when you read this, please imagine a sly smirk of quippy saying or well-placed ‘fuck’ when I see your face fall at the request that your history be incomplete.

Codrin: [laughter] Even I am feeling incredibly seen right now.

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Dear: You historians, tsk. Anyhow, the first, less personal reason is this: I mentioned that it would be interesting to

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Dear: You historians, tsk. Anyhow, the first, less personal reason is this: I mentioned that it would be interesting to explore what it means to be missed as an analog to forgetting. I want someone to miss me.

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Codrin: Do you worry that you won’t be missed, on some level?

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Dear: [long pause] I am not comfortable answering that question.

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Codrin: I understand. Let me ask this instead–

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Dear: I have changed my mind, but Codrin, I love you dearly, but fuck you for making me cry.

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Codrin: I’m sorry, Dear. Do you want to stop?

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Dear: No, no. That is my choice usage of ‘fuck’ for the interview. [laughter, short break in interview] Okay. Early on in the system, some wag, when pressed to bring along books, uploaded every single book they could get their hands on, legally or otherwise, into the perisystem architecture, going all the way back to the Bible. When I was forked and still trying to figure out ways to play with instances, I went on a tear of reading biographical works, going through dozens of books at a time, hunting for little moments that could be used, somehow, in an exhibition.

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Dear: I came across a book of essays from goodness knows how long ago, and I was so taken aback by one part in particular that I snipped it out and stored it in an exo. Ah, let me find the correct part [pause] Okay. “Should you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over a chronic melancholia and loneliness - a grotesquely caricatured version of your deepest self, which you trot out at the slightest provocation to endearing and glib comic effect, thus rendering you the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none, all of it to distract, however fleetingly, from the cold and dead-faced truth that with each passing year you face the unavoidable certainty of a solitary future in which you will perish one day”.

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Dear: I suppose I worry sometimes that, as a public personality, first as Michelle Hadje and now as an artist with an ebullient personality and the aforementioned “verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer’ et cetera, et cetera, that I… [pause] Okay. [pause] Okay. I sometimes worry that I, as those things, fall into the category of “beloved by all yet loved by none”.

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Codrin: I love you, Dear.

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Dear: [waving paw, tears] This was not supposed to be the personal part of the interview. Codrin, Ioan, please just say that I want someone to miss me, that I want to haunt the L5 system as some quiet ghost who communicates in words from light-years away and memories that you will never forget. I want to haunt you because that is one thing I cannot do without merging into oblivion. I want to be missed.

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Codrin: Perhaps here is a good place to stop.

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Dear: The second reason is short.

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Codrin: Okay.

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Dear: And this is for the myth only.

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Codrin: Right.

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Dear: I want to die.

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Codrin: Dear, I–

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Dear: I am sorry, my dear. I should have prefaced that. I want to die eventually. I do not want to quit, I do not want to be killed. But you must understand, by the whims of gravity, both Green and Blue will eventually be captured by a sun or a black hole or whatever the fuck is out there, and they will be destroyed. And even if not, the power source will die, or the factories will not be able to manufacture replacements or some other technobabble bullshit. There is no suicide in me, nor any desire to be murdered, but I want to experience– Ah, Codrin, I am sorry. I am so sorry. I will stop.

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Codrin: Let’s go inside, please.

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Transcript ends