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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2023-08-27 11:20:11 -07:00
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writing/3/terrifying/triumph.html
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<blockquote>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph.\footnote{\cite[128]{timewar}}</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph, me. I wish I could look up at you, broken and shattered, bleeding in the dust of unknown plains, and know &mdash; truly, utterly know &mdash; that I have been defeated, that I have been crushed and destroyed.</p>
<p>I wish I could see myself triumph. You! This other version of me, this one who takes her space gladly, proudly. I wish I could see you triumph. I wish I could look up at you, broken and shattered, bleeding in the dust of unknown plains, and know &mdash; truly, utterly know &mdash; that I have been defeated, that I have been crushed and destroyed.</p>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph. Is that self-sacrificing of me? Of that part that loathes, that fears she is taking up too much space? I really don&rsquo;t know. It&rsquo;s not my place to know these things.</p>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph. Maybe it&rsquo;s my goal to succeed, to prevail, to come out the other side and into nullity, to make it through, to win. It&rsquo;s my goal to come away with my own triumph, but always, always there is that niggling little doubt, that secret desire to lose, to be beaten in a fair fight and have it proven to my face that at least someone could bring me low and say, &ldquo;Hey, at least she tried, right?&rdquo;</p>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph. I wish I could see elation in your eyes. I wish I could see you laugh. I wish I could see just how it looks for you to set aside that way you devote every erg of energy to struggle and give me one of those full on, deep-throated laughs from your core that I know we all hide somewhere in our bodies.</p>
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<p>I wish I could see your triumph.</p>
</article>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-06-16</p>
<p>Page generated on 2023-08-27</p>
</footer>
</main>
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